Chapter 13: Loss

August 10 (4th grade)

My grandfather had returned from his last business trip. Tired and sore, as he always used to be when he returned from his trips.

Every time he came back he always did the same thing. He would shout my name several times from the entrance of the mansion, making everyone notice his presence, as he always used to do.

The nearest staff would come to greet him, running towards him with wide smiles on their faces. The maids would bow courteously, the servants would greet him with their hands on their chests and his close friends from the staff would reach out to him, he would greet them back, as he always used to do.

My father would come out of his study and go to give him a welcoming hug, happy that his father had returned. My mother would accompany him and my grandfather would take off his hat and give him a warm greeting, as he always used to do.

I would arrive and just like my father, I would give him a big hug to welcome him back, he would hug me back and wrap me in a soft warm embrace.

He would always bring me a gift from his business trips, waiting for me to like it, nervous to see my reaction. But for me, it was impossible to be unhappy with him for things like that, since being by my grandfather's side was always the best gift.

Afterwards, grandpa would go to his studio, leave his things and hang out with us for the rest of the day, as he was always on a business trip, he tried to enjoy every second with his friends and family. This time was no exception either.

When night fell, he would always come to my room to tell me how his business trip had gone and the anecdotes he had created during it.

He never failed. It was always an amusing tale, an intriguing story, an interesting tale, as he told them to me his voice was always so warm and soft, always hospitable and gentlemanly, but at the same time powerful as a roar.

Then at bedtime, he would lie down next to me, we would chat and he would crack jokes and tease me in annoying ways. Ever since I started training with Riochiro he would always tease me with the same thing.

I could never be honest with him in that regard.

Once we were done talking, we would play a game, whoever fell asleep first would lose. A bit ridiculous, because even though he always declared himself the winner, he always fell asleep first, but it was understandable, he always came back tired.

August 11 (4th year)

Then... Why...?

Why this morning, things couldn't be as usual?

It was an ordinary day, the sun shone with the same intensity as always, the birds sang with the fall of the morning symbolizing that the day had already begun, everything was the same as always.

 But the Kisaragi's condominium was not the same as always, in it there was an almost palpable sepulchral silence, things in that place did not follow the order of the day, it was as if everything inside that mansion had come to a standstill.

 The corridors with luxurious red carpets where normally the butlers and the mansion staff walked were now empty. The lobby that always used to be illuminated by fragrant sunlight was with the windows completely closed and in a subtle, but deep darkness.

 The kitchen that was normally crowded with cooks was now uninhabited, as if everyone had gone elsewhere. But no one had gone anywhere.

 In a room at the far end of the second floor, the entire staff of the mansion and the entire Kisaragi family were gathered around a coffin, inside of which rested one of the most important members of the family.

 My grandfather... Kisaragi Ryugamine, has died in his sleep next to me.

 All the members of the Kisaragi family were silent, crestfallen, myself included among them.

 My mother could be seen visibly saddened by the situation, for her my grandfather was someone very dear to her, also the father of the man who helped her countless times in the past, so her connection with my grandfather was not the typical one of daughter-in-law and father-in-law, my grandfather considered her someone of his own family and she considered my grandfather as her own father.

 My sister Anna was the last to hear the news, so she had just arrived a while ago, and this was visible on her face. The bewilderment and the unpleasant surprise had generated in her an empty look full of sadness.

 My grandfather's history with her was somewhat peculiar. My sister at some point in her life had become a troublemaker, no family member could control her, so everyone turned their backs on her, except my father and my grandfather, who helped her to get out of her situation and find what she wanted to be in life, an artist.

 My father... I didn't even know what my father was thinking, even though I was standing next to him. He just stood there, with a serious, almost neutral expression as he placed his hand gently on the coffin, looking down at my grandfather.

 My father's history with my grandfather is complicated. To begin with, they were not able to be together for long due to my grandfather's work, but despite the distance, that inconvenience never separated them.

 My father, despite not having grown up with any father figure around him, worked hard to become an exemplary man, someone who could take away even a little of the great weight carried by the person known as Kisaragi Ryugamine.

 My grandfather, despite not being close to his son, always supported him, motivated him and inspired him to move forward. No matter the method, he always communicated with my father, no matter what. Calls, letters, holo calls, they even told me that they once tried to play a game together.

 Despite their short time together, their mutual understanding and support, their respect for each other, their short lessons, their eagerness to know each other, kept them together and nothing could ever separate them.

 My father was the person who understood my grandfather the most of all the people in the room, that's why his every gesture was indecipherable.

 Maybe he understood that grandfather's last wish was to die surrounded by his family, maybe my grandfather told him that when he died he was not to be watched over, that's why he was not showing any expression, as if he were an outsider.

 That's why I didn't want to show any symbol of sadness either, in order to respect grandfather, even if it was one last time.

 But... When I saw the coffin completely closed and saw my grandfather being taken away, the man who had taken care of me since I was a newborn, I knew that this was the last time I was going to see him.

 He was not coming back.

 Tears began to stream down my face without my wanting to, at the same time my legs weakened and I could no longer stand.

 Then, sitting on the floor, I burst into tears, I cried loudly while I tried to hold back my tears, but it was all in vain. My crying and tears were useless, he was gone.

 Two arms wrapped around me from behind, it was my father. With a warm, strong embrace and a calm expression, he held me in his arms and carried me to where my mother, sister and Kyouka were.

 My father and my father hugged with me in the middle, giving me warm comfort between the two of them.

 "It's okay if you cry."

 No one said that, but I knew that's what this gesture meant.

 Then, a stream of tears ran down my cheeks until I fell asleep.

 November 30 (4th year)

 It has been several months since the last time I was able to see Riochiro. In all these months of my absence I asked Mr. Kawashima to train him in my place.

 Strangely, Mr. Kawashima's mood was also not affected by my grandfather's death even though they are lifelong friends.

 It was like the case with my father. He felt melancholy to see a loved one depart, but he bid him farewell in a more optimistic way and without losing the rhythm of his life.

 For example, Mr. Kawashima, on the same day that grandfather died, opened a bottle of sake which he liked to share with him, and then formed a bottle of sake to celebrate my grandfather's departure to another life.

 From my point of view, this was simply disrespectful. How could anyone celebrate the death of his best friend like that? But my father, now the current head of the family, allowed it.

 Despite my expressing to him that I disliked the celebration, he simply glared at me and said:

 "Rikka, everyone copes with things the way they want to. Your grandfather died without regrets. Kawashima Kohei knows that more than anyone, that's why he is so happy for his friend. He's happy that he was able to accomplish everything he wanted to in life."

 Clearly, even though I could understand, I couldn't make the fact stop making me angry, so I simply mourned for a couple of months without being able to get over the loss of my grandfather.

 I couldn't even continue writing this journal as I couldn't find a purpose for it. A journal that I used to communicate the progress of Riochiro's training to grandfather, who was now no longer among us.

 The very thought made my eyes twitch and I simply put it aside. But over time, I read everything I had written and was able to find comfort in this journal.

 It helped me remember things that I had forgotten in the past, and not only that. But it also helped me remember you, Grandpa, I can't thank you enough for all you have done for me.

 I could find comfort in the notes we shared, in the things you said, your practical jokes about Riochiro and me, jokes I could never come clean about. For all that you have done, I will continue to write these diaries for you, in the hope that, wherever you are, you will be able to read them.

 Thanks to you, I remembered the goal I had with Riochiro.

 First things first, we're going to have to give him the bad news....

 Coming out of my thoughts, I entered the labyrinth with timid steps, hoping to see again, after a long time, the boy with whom I am in love.