Chapter 15: Feelings

Riochiro stared at me, looking openly surprised. His eyes were wide open and his mouth opened and closed as if he wanted to say something. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

The gardener walked a few steps back and picked up his work jacket from the floor.

-Well... Let's let the young people talk.

After saying that, he started walking towards the exit with his jacket over his shoulder while whistling a catchy tune.

Once he left the large quadrant of slabs, only Riochiro and I were left in the center of the labyrinth, with a somewhat awkward silence in between.

-Hi Riochiro, it's been a... I haven't seen you for a while... -I said between nervous stammering and abrupt cuts in my tone of voice.

Riochiro stared at me, this time with a more serious countenance, frowning slightly as he rubbed his eyes. 

"Awkward."

I couldn't help but look away with my eyes closed in embarrassment. It had been 2 or 3 months since we hadn't seen each other, it was all because my mourning lasted a little longer than it should have. 

My anger, frustration and sadness didn't allow me to concentrate on my job of training Riochiro, so I left him for a few months until I got myself together, having the gardener replace me.

I never thought about how Riochiro would feel at the gates of my absence, I just assumed that everything would go well for the silver-haired boy. I thought that the only one who was being affected by this was just me, who was suffering for the loss of one of his loved ones.

I didn't take into account that Riochiro had also lost something five years ago, I didn't realize it even though I knew it. With all this in mind, the conversation we had that Christmas Eve night, was scorned and trampled on by no one but me.

The closeness, the warm conversations and the time we both had spent lately was also scorned. All because I spent two months wallowing in my bed without a thought for anyone but myself.

I didn't think about that, Grandpa wouldn't have wanted me to be sad about his departure, I didn't think about how Riochiro would react in my absence....

"Of course I miss her, she is the first person that comes to my mind when I think of my loved ones."

Those words echoed in my mind. They made me feel a mixture of mixed emotions. Happiness, shame, sorrow...

Because of all the things previously said, I couldn't help but look away.

While I was lost in my thoughts, Riochiro had already stood in front of me. His shadow was cast in front of me. I tried to look him in the face but I couldn't, grief prevented me from doing so.

But, surprisingly, Riochiro did not feel furious or angry at my absence.

He draped his arms over my shoulders, pressed my body to his and covered my back with a warm, gentle pressure transmitted by his arms.

A warm welcoming embrace rose up towards me. The warmth of the vampire-eyed boy's body didn't take long to reach my body, without any words to say. I wrapped my arms around him as well, with silence in between, being disturbed only by my agitated breathing and at times the loud beating of my heart that echoed inside my ears like a drum.

-Welcome back..." said Riochiro with a tone as warm as his embrace.

-I'm back..." I said as my voice weakened little by little.

We stayed like that for a while, until the time passed and passed.

-Riochiro... You're sweaty...

-Oh, I'm sorry," he said as he quickly disappeared from me, "I completely forgot about that detail, forgive me Rikka.

-It doesn't matter, I was coming to resume your training anyway. Forgive me too, I've been away for a few months trying to do some paperwork.

It was partly true. I had to accompany my family to do Kyouka's paperwork for his enrollment at The Third. The whole family had to be there in fact.

-I'm glad you're back, Rikka. I finally have my precious teacher with me.

I looked away out of reflex. Even though Riochiro had shown me that there was no problem between us, I still couldn't look him in the face, let alone when he looked at me like that.

-Don't... Don't worry. I don't think I'm going to disappear like that anymore..." I raised my gaze to Riochiro: "Anyway, you're almost done with your training. Soon you'll be free.

Riochiro's eyes glowed even brighter as he swayed and brought his face close to mine in excitement.

-It's true! From today, I'll only have a month to get out of this mess! Now I'll finally be able to see my sister!

Hearing this, my face grimaced with discomfort unconsciously. I didn't want to give him the bad news, but someone had to tell the boy in front of me.

His sister had already left.

But how could I do such a thing, if I had told him at that very moment it would kill all his motivation. All these years of effort and determination had only been a way for him to reach his goal, to see his sister again.

However, not telling her would have been the worst decision of all the others he could have made. Deceiving him with the false illusion that he could finally see his sister only to find that once he was out of the labyrinth he had nothing was a lie, and one that I was certainly not willing to tell him.

So, for the first time in a long time, I could look him in the eyes, then I swallowed saliva and opened my mouth, while still hesitating whether to tell him or not.

-You see...

Then I told him everything that had happened with his sister these past few months. From the papers we had found with Grandpa's notes, to her recent admission half a month ago to The Third Academy.

Every detail I was giving Riochiro, made his face darken more. His cheerful expression had deteriorated into one of inexplicable and complicated feelings.

It was as if the whole world had fallen on him. The pain he felt was clearly reflected on his face and in those expressive eyes, which now lay dull and staring at the ground.

Seeing him in that state made my chest ache.

Then, again a silence crossed between the two of us, but this time, I wasn't sure if I wanted to break it or not, every minute here in front of him, seemed like hours, until I finally reacted.

Riochiro simply turned his back to me, crestfallen, as he walked slowly away from me, after a series of steps, he stopped and looked up at the gray autumn sky.

-Teacher Rikka, could you leave me alone for today?

Riochiro's voice sounded brittle, as if something had pierced his throat.

I was thinking for a moment whether to really leave him alone or not, but something told me to be here with him even if the boy didn't want me to.

I ran up to him and then forcefully grabbed him from behind. A bellow of surprise escaped Riochiro's lips, then he fell silent for a moment.

He put his hand on top of mine and tried to pull my arms away with a weak tug, but it was useless, his strength was not enough to get me away from him. Not that he even tried, it was just an attempt to express his anger.

-Rikka, please let me go....

-I won't.

-Just turn around and leave me.

-I won't do it either.

Riochiro was silent for a few moments, then fell to his knees on the floor.

-If my sister abandoned me just like that, it means that something in me is not worth it," he paused for a moment, 'Surely you told her 'that", didn't you? That I'm an Anomalous.

It's true, I told Kyouka that Riochiro was an abnormal. Although I don't think it affected the little girl's decision to go to The Third.

-Yes, I told him.

-So, that's it... She left me because I'm too weak. As a person, I'm not worth it...

I stood in front of Riochiro, staring at him, the expression on my face reflected many things, but one of them was clear: rage.

-How dare you say that you are weak?

Riochiro stared at me and then lowered his gaze, I grabbed the bottom of his chin rudely and then turned his face towards mine.

-Are you saying that because you don't have "Skill"? 

Riochiro's face contorted and on his face there was only an expression of guilt and sorrow.

-And if that's why, what's going to happen? Is it a lie...?

My anger became more present and my blood began to boil. I couldn't believe what I was saying. A boy who can fight almost side by side with me? Was he saying he's weak?

But I wasn't angry about that. Seeing him in such a pitiful state was what had me upset. I don't even know why I was expressing anger, if what was inside my heart was another feeling altogether.

-Of course it's a lie," I shouted excitedly, "Riochiro... you...

Riochiro stood up with an angry expression on his face, "If my sister abandoned me just like that, it means that something in me is not worth it," he paused for a moment, "Surely you told her 'that', didn't you? That I'm an Anomalous.

It's true, I told Kyouka that Riochiro was an abnormal. Although I don't think that affected the little girl's decision to go to The Third.

-Yes, I told him.

-So, that's it... She left me because I'm too weak. As a person, I'm not worth it...

I stood in front of Riochiro, staring at him, the expression on my face reflected many things, but one of them was clear, rage.

-How dare you say that you are weak?

Riochiro stared at me and then lowered his gaze, I grabbed the bottom of his chin rudely and then turned his face towards mine.

-Are you saying that because you don't have "Skill"? 

Riochiro's face contorted and on his face there was only an expression of guilt and sorrow.

-And if that's why, what's going to happen? Is it a lie...?

My anger became more present and my blood began to boil. I couldn't believe what I was saying. A boy who can fight almost side by side with me? Was he saying he's weak?

But I wasn't angry about that. Seeing him in such a pitiful state was what had me upset. I don't even know why I was expressing anger, if what was inside my heart was another feeling altogether.

-Of course it's a lie," I shouted excitedly, "Riochiro... you...

Riochiro stood up with an angry expression on his face.

-I what?! Can't you find the exact words to trick me and make me feel better?!

-...You are the most wonderful person I've ever met.

Riochiro's eyes widened when he heard the phrase I had said to him, being dumbfounded by what he had heard. But his expression quickly returned to the same somber expression as a moment ago.

-But... Why? Why someone like me? Why do you think of me like that?

I looked into his eyes, softening my expression as I chose the right words. There were many good things I could say about this boy, thousands or millions, I just couldn't see anything wrong with him.

-How could you not notice?

-Notice that Rikka? As far as I know, everything about me is bad. I have lost my family, I have no powers, therefore, in this world at least, I am weak?

-¿Y? That didn't dull your will, you kept training determined that one day you would be able to protect all that mattered to you. Your eyes sparkled and burned every time you learned something new. You told me your problems, you fought me as an equal. You treated me like no other student of mine had ever treated me, you tried so hard, you crawled on the floor and got up knowing you were going to get hit over and over again.....

As he listened to all my talk, Riochiro's eyes were opening wider and wider, little sparks of brightness were appearing and disappearing from them.

-Everything about you is wonderful Takanashi Riochiro. Your determination, the way you are stubborn, the way you express yourself, the way you fight. Everything about you is wonderful.

My eyes went down as I gritted my teeth, before I started the speech the frustration of having seen Riochiro in that state had me deaf, but now I was aware of all the things he was saying.

I had to hide my flushed face from his gaze before he realized the state I was in. But now there was no turning back, I couldn't stop just because of embarrassment.

I looked him in the eye again, with a frown, without thinking about the state my face was in, without taking into account that he realized what I was feeling.

I sent all that to hell anyway, there was no more reason to hide it, it was time to show my feelings openly.

-So don't you dare say in front of me again that you are "weak" "pathetic" or anything else that demeans your person, you hear?

Riochiro stared at me, stunned to hear my speech, his silence remained for a few long seconds in which I was rethinking all my decisions of this conversation so far.

-Rikka..." Riochiro broke the silence, then lowered his face and a small smile appeared on his face: "Thank you.

He looked into my eyes, as he approached me.

-But you know... I don't know what to do with my life now. Everything I've fought for is gone. When I get out of here, maybe I'll have to go-

-Don't do it! -Don't do it!

-Huh?

Riochiro looked at me again, now dumbfounded by my previous exclamation which I had used without thinking. I covered my face with both my hands, to hide my expression of discomfort. Then I pulled myself together and looked at him again.

I walked towards him with some speed and in an impulsive reaction I hugged him again.

-Stay with me," I said.

Riochiro seemed to hesitate for a moment, then scratched the back of his head and looked to one side and then the other.

-I don't know Rikka.... Will your family be okay with me staying here at the mansion?

-There is a way...

Riochiro raised an eyebrow.

-Really?

-Yes, I have never lied to you.

-Then what is it?

-Stare at me for a moment.

-So? Riochiro lowered his head and looked straight into my eyes.

We were silent for a few moments, while I hesitated at times. I didn't know if what I was about to do was right or not, but if I wanted Riochiro to stay by my side....

Then, from one moment to the next....

-MHhn!

I lunged towards Riochiro's lips and kissed him.

My lips began to caress his. I had my eyes closed in an abrupt way because of my nerves. It was my first time kissing someone.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and could clearly see Riochiro's reaction. His eyes were wild and his face was expressing a mixture of surprise and excitement.

I couldn't help but let go of his lips and blew out a slight chuckle.

Riochiro for his part, once I stopped kissing him had taken several steps backwards while breathing in an agitated manner.

With this, my goal was accomplished, my blue lipstick was stuck on Riochiro's lips, showing just by looking at him that he had been kissed by me.

This lipstick lasted for days once you smacked your lips with it, so, once Riochiro finished training, this was going to be his ticket into the family.

One of the rules of the Kisaragi family is that, if one of the daughters of the current head of the family has a lover or a boyfriend, he should also be considered part of the family.

The initial plan was to formalize my relationship with Riochiro and introduce him as a member of the Kisaragi family, the kiss was to make him understand that he was now my partner. But I had skipped a very important detail....

-Why did you do that Rikka?

Riochiro had been locked for almost 5 years in this labyrinth, and not only that, the problem was that he was never educated about going further in a relationship, so this guy that was in front of me was like an alien and what I had just done, was something unknown to him.

-What do you mean? That was a kiss.

-Kiss? That's not normally given on the cheek?

At that very moment, I realized that I had done something unthinkable and at the least unthinkable moment.

Normally, this misunderstanding could be resolved by explaining to Riochiro about my plan of how to introduce him to the Kisaragi family and that the whole "Kiss" thing was the first step.

But I didn't want to do that. My kiss had been sincere and genuine, I didn't want to detract from its meaning in that way and even if I did there were other problems to solve....

How did I explain to this person in front of me what a kiss was? What it meant? What came after it?

My head was in chaos, and to add more gravy to the matter, the vampire-eyed boy's ignorance and lack of knowledge on the subject angered and frustrated me in equal parts.

"How can I give you a kiss this genuine and you don't kiss me back properly!"

The moment I thought that, I regretted not teaching her classes on those topics, skipping them altogether. When in fact, those kinds of classes are what they needed the most at those precise moments.

I growled inwardly and glared angrily at Riochiro. The silver-haired boy seemed to have noticed me, because the instant he saw me in that state, he became nervous.

-Wait Rikka... Did I do something wrong?

I slowly approached him while charging my body with electricity, for every step I took, a volt was added. My body began to emanate electricity. And then all that was left was to pounce on Riochiro while he screamed for mercy.

-From Kawashima Kohei's point of view.

I was drinking tea in the lobby of the Kisaragi mansion, when I looked up at the large clock hanging above the main entrance door.

The time was 9:34 a.m.

It was time to return to Miss Rikka and young Takanashi. Half an hour ago I had left them alone to process their reunion.

It had been exactly two months since Miss Rikka started to miss the training sessions she was giving to Riochiro.

A few days after Ryuu's death, she arrived in front of my room doors, crestfallen and disheveled, not at all typical of the usual impeccable appearance the young lady always wore.

"Could you train Riochiro for me?"

I accepted without even hesitating. I know my job is to be the Kisaragi's gardener and nothing else. But it was a direct request from the granddaughter of the best friend I had ever had in my life.

When Ryuu died, she is the one who suffered the most without any doubt. No wonder, Miss Rikka loved Ryuu very much, he raised her together with Mr. Rikudo and the three of them spent a lot of time together.

When she locked herself in her room. No one blamed her, they simply understood her, after all, she was a child, who, for the first time in her life, was facing the loss of a family member.

Escaping from my thoughts, I took the last sip of tea, running it gently over my tongue, savoring the sweet delicacy that is anise leaves with lemon.

Once I placed the cup on the table, a servant girl instantly came to pick up the now empty cup.

-Are you finished, Mr. Kawashima?

Next to me stood a young girl with a fair complexion, her hair was short and straight and of a deep black color. Her eyes were sapphire blue.

She was Tsubaki. My daughter.

-I told you to call me "daddy" when we were alone.

-Mr. Kawashima-She replied coldly while ignoring everything I had told her before. -As long as we work, please remain professional.

-Oh... Tsubaki, just listening to you talk like that breaks my heart.

Tsubaki grumbled a little in annoyance at my words.

-Come on, old man," he said in a hostile tone, "Don't you have somewhere to go now? 

-Well... Well...

I took my jacket and got up from the sofa where I was sitting, then I went out the door. Not before reminding Tsubaki that "daddy loves her very much." She replied with another sigh in annoyance.

"Damn the age of rebellion."

Then I headed into the labyrinth, counted the casual pattern so I could get to the center of it, as usual. Left, right, right, right, right, right, right, left, left, left, left.

Once I got there, I was greeted by Miss Rikka and young Takanashi. Although their appearance was a bit more disheveled than usual.

The young Takanashi was releasing a kind of smoke all over his body, as if he had been singed, but what caught my attention was a small blush on his lip.

Miss Rikka, on the other hand, was giving off static and looked a little shaken and her lipstick was a little smeared.

Putting these parts together it was more than obvious what they had done. A smirk came unconsciously from my lips.

"Don't tell me..."

I didn't decide to express anything, but my head had come to a more than apparent conclusion. Now I had to address "young" Takanashi, as "Master" Takanashi.

-What happened here?

Miss Rikka's face paled for a few moments when she heard the tone in which I had spoken, she looked to the side and then looked at me with a frown.

-Nothing, I just hired him....

-Hired? Just that?

Miss Rikka, started to get a little nervous, until she fixed her gaze on young Takanashi, and then slapped him hard on the back.

The young Takanashi was exalted by the pain that such a slap had caused him and then looked at me.

-Good morning. I am Takanashi Riochiro. From today, I will be the personal butler of Miss Kisaragi Rikka.