Chapter 6

"Holly!" It felt like a burden was lifted, my sister, right before my eyes, It wasn't a dream, nor a passing thought, My sister.. made it to Marfester Empire!

I stand up approaching her, "You look happy." She says, her tone stern, I paused.. "Huh?.." I look happy? Why? Obviously because she's here and nothing else more mattered!

"Now that I have seen you.. you're weak. really weak." She says, her gaze someone manage to pierce through my cold facade

"..Holly, what are you- eh? I was really worrie-"

"worried? When are you gonna stop fooling yourself?"

Huh.. Holly.. why?.. fooling?..

I close my eyes and took a deep breath, looking at her with my cold eyes. "What are you, talking about?"

I may seem cold but to be honest, I'm scared.. Holly, what if.. she hates me? I don't want that! Holly is my only family left, I.. can't lose her..

"Did you even think of me as you lived as Reillana?"

Her voice cuts deep I couldn't help but look at the ground.. my fist clench, was I.. really worried about Holly.. all this time?

"I..."

"You're not, Nee-San."

My gaze held hers, Huh?.. I never.. thought of Holly?.. right...

Right from the start.. it was always, 'My people'.. 'i'll avenge Kallister Empire'... 'I wanna go home..' but I never.. never even..

"Maybe you really are.. just a worth of sum for Kallister Empire." Holly says, her eyes emotionless

Worth of money.. that's right.. my death had allowed my previous comrades have the time of their life, probably living in the Marfester and drowning in luxury.. something they never have in Kallister Empire!

"Hey, Nee-San. What's your Ambition? What do you strive for? Justice?.. or you just want to hide? What is it?" Holly says, it's the first time.. she had ever glared at me..

But.. what is.. my ambition?

Why do I continue fighting? What am I striving for?

...I never thought of it.. but now that she had bring it up.. what is.. it?

Even when I was in Kallister Empire as Haru Vanerus.. I never thought of it.. I should just keep fighting and just go within the endless flow

I will not falter! I will fight.. That's what I always say.. but.. what was I fighting for? Is there an answer to it? What do I Chase? What is it that I would like to get?

What do I want?

Is there something I want to have?

What is it that I don't have yet?

What is it?!

What is my ambition?!

I took a deep breathe, finally facing her again, "To live."

She looks at me, a bit suprised

I never thought of it and that's the mistake. What do I Chase? Why am I still fighting?

Because I want to live! Living a peaceful life by the countryside, marrying a decent man and having a nice family!

I gripped my dress, biting my lower lip

Asking me what's my ambition is.. "..I.. I want the world I never had in Kallister." I look at the ground again, my cheeks flushed as I fight my tears.. it has been a while..

"...I.. wan't a life with no war.."

"living a life with no trouble is what I want! I don't want Holly to through it again, I don't want you to see me get beaten up because I'm weak!"

I remember it all as if it was yesterday, It was just the two of us, unsheltered and live in the wasteland, forced to eat dirt to survive.. I don't want that to happen, I'm scared.

The one who should experience all those is supposed to be me, not Holly, I'm trying and I want to keep trying, I know my words to her wasn't reassuring.. I'm trying..

Holly 9years old: "Hey.. Nee-San.. how come I'm always eating and you're not?" She says, munching on the loaf I gave her

She says, tugging on my dirty shirt as I make a study test for her

Haru 10years old: "Don't worry 'bout it, Lee."

Holly 9years old: "Lee? Short for Holly?"

She asked, looking at me with sparkly eyes.. she likes the nickname huh

"yeah, let me handle the rest, all you gotta do is stay healthy and learn new things, you have a talent for magic,Lee!"

I don't want those days to repeat.. I know it has been my fault, I wasn't thinking or even worried for her, I'm uncertain whether she was safe or not, and once I try thinking of her it always ends with me worrying about Kallisterian..

"I'm scared! I know its my fault and it's a shame! I was living peacefully as Reillana while you were suffering! It's a warm feeling I never felt as Haru, having someone by your side.."

"..I thought our previous comrades are traitors.. good for nothing bastards.. but I never thought.. I was one of them, living in luxury.. betraying our country!"

I pant, I never said those words out loud, I suppressed those thoughts to not mess up.. I'm glad I said it. I'm scared.. really..

My gaze face Holly again.. she looks disappointed.. My eyes widening as she spoke

"You really are.. weak. Stupid excuse for a older sister."