Chapter twelve: Pray for forgiveness  

"I can't, I just can't… I need help. Holy shit…" William spoke to himself he was alone again after trial and error he sent Wendigo back to his soul. Near him laid the corpse of a monster he killed. It was so easy. So so easy to kill it sickened him.

He was a man of god.

He was a man of god.

He was a man of god….

He was a man of god!

He cried and cried. He cried for the innocence lost. He wanted to go back to the safe zone; he didn't want these powers. His goals don't even really matter. Sure he'll never see the sun but he wouldn't have to deal with this! Now he has to fight. Fight to survive he was no better than a wild animal. He knew he couldn't go back; he was a man of his word.

Not after this.

Not after the blood.

Not after the hunger.

He pressed his forehead to the ground, whispering prayers between ragged breaths.

"Forgive me… please… forgive me."

But no voice answered. No warmth embraced him.

Only silence.

He was an ugly disgusting creature undeserving of love. Someone who could not only kill but consume a fellow child of god. He was going to hell if this wasn't already hell. Maybe he died on his gaming chair. All that trash talking online finally caught up to him. He regretted it. He'd take it all back every insult every time he yelled at someone anything he harmed anything!

William trembled, his breath ragged as he clutched his arms. He had told himself he wasn't a monster. That he was still human. But was he?

The hunger inside him hadn't faded—it had only changed. It wasn't the gnawing emptiness of starvation anymore. It was something deeper, more insidious. A craving he couldn't name.

His fingers dug into his skin. He wanted to tear it off, to rip away the thing he had become. He had consumed something unholy. He had taken in power that wasn't his to wield.

This wasn't survival. This was damnation.

His knees hit the dirt, his shoulders shaking. He bowed his head, whispering prayers that felt hollow on his tongue. Words meant for the ears of a God who no longer listened.

"Please…" His voice cracked. "Tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this."

Silence.

The wind howled through the barren wasteland, carrying with it the scent of ash and rot. The Tower loomed in the far distance, barely more than a shadow on the horizon. Still so far away. Unreachable.

He wiped his face, his fingers coming away wet with tears. He was alone. Again.

And he had no one to blame but himself.

Psalm 51:1-2, 10-12:

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." 

William spoke to the silence.