Chapter Seven

Soon, Maya was dressed in one of my many gifts-purchases made in moments of self-pity and settled on my bed, per my order, or perhaps my secret request. Comfort was essential for a pregnant woman, after all. With a sigh, she relaxed, sinking into the luxurious silk sheets.

To her, it was just a bed, but to me, it was a sanctuary that caught my stray tears and caressed me with non judgmental warmth. The pillow had heard my screams of heartbreak, betrayal, and anger, while the walls echoed with the laughter and sorrow of my shattered dreams. These sheets were my solitary source of solace, the only reminder I had of him—the man who should have provided me comfort.

Funny, really. She unknowingly taking comfort in my space of self-pity.

You may be thinking, well, Juliana, you have friends, right? They should have known.

They should have...

They would have...

If only this affair had been public.

If only I had friends to begin with.

When I married Giovanni, it was just us; no bridesmaids on my end, no father to walk me down the aisle, only his large family present for what was supposed to be a family only event.

Meanwhile, as a working woman in corporate, finding good friends was hard; as a smart woman, it felt nearly impossible.

I say nearly because somehow, I had found Giovanni, or rather, he found me and he became so much more than a friend for the better. We fit perfectly, understanding each other in ways I had thought only existed in fairytales. After much tragedy, I believed...hoped, that "This is it. My fairytale begins here."

I spoke too soon...

My vision begins to blur as tears gloss over my eyes.

One thing about Giovanni was that even when he hated me, he had the decency to pretend otherwise in public.

We had too many eyes watching us to play the clown.

But within family, his family, rather we were the heated topic of discussion. If not about us, then about me...How entitled or mean-spirited I may be, simply because I dared to be quiet by nature. I was shunned even before I had the chance to state my case.

Aside from that, they knew...

They all knew...even those six feet under...long before I ever did.

They knew he'd cheat.

They knew... I know someone did. Three brothers, each a pride of their mother in some way or another. Giovanni had to add to the family's successes somehow.

Marrying me was his ideal: a beautiful, smart, and promising woman-self-sufficient and well-spoken. Kind, who anonymously donated and hosted charities. Perfect, right? Or so I thought. "A bit too dark in complexion, but good strong hips to carry babies," his abuela once said.

How everything I had worked to achieve had been so easily dismissed made me hurl.

Worse, I just couldn't conceive, and that haunting fact drove the final nail into my coffin. If I wasn't the joke then, I usually became it now. Humorous isn't it, that no matter how hard I worked, it just wasn't enough, because what is a woman's worth if she cannot produce a child?

Well, for me, no child meant Giovanni had no reason to be stuck with me. His new eve was her, Maya. 

Now, as I watched Maya nestle into the sheets, a surge of possessiveness coursed through me. Those sheets, once a symbol of my hopes, now bore witness to my pain yet again, but at a distance. Much like everything else, Maya had claimed them one by one; my husband, his family's affection, my bed...and like many times before, had to watch from a distance.

I'm convinced this was meant to be her place, she was meant to be Mrs. and not the Mistress— not forever—at least. The sight of her fingers absently tracing the delicate patterns on the silk, slowly succumbing to the sleeping pills I forced her to take some time ago, only solidified that fact.

'Am I to blame? Did I unknowingly give it all up?'

I promise you, I didn't-I wouldn't-

I know my life doesn't sound anything pretty but goodness, can a woman just dream?

Those very sheets were meant to bear witness to the conception of our child. Yet he never returned, not to this room, not after the news. It had been years since these walls had felt his presence, eons since they had heard him...the real him. This room missed him; the bed had forgotten his shape, the sheets had lost his scent, and I feared I might have forgotten too—not willingly, I'd never dare.

I know it sounds pathetic. Juliana, crying over a man but he wasn't just any man; he was my husband, and once upon a time, he took immense pride in that title. He reveled in the fact that I was his wife. I loved him, I love him, and deep down, I know—I hope—that he loved me too even till the end. 

I let out a shaky exhale as tears spilled down my cheeks once again.

Leaning against the doorframe, watching Maya nestled in the sheets, a bitter taste filled my mouth. The sight of her at ease in my sanctuary made the chaos of my thoughts spiral. I had crafted a façade of control, but here it lay bare, frayed and unraveling.

Unable to stomach any more, I yanked the sheets harshly, making her eyes snap open. "Don't get too comfortable." my knuckles tighten on the soft material. 

"Don't leave the room, or I promise you, having a baby won't stop the bullet from going between your eyes," I warned quietly, the darkness concealing the way my tears cascaded onto the soft fabric, yet even the dark could not conceal the way my voice shook.

With nothing more to say, I turned away and headed for the door...on my way to meet the corpse of my husband.