Chapter 12 I Want to Know

Seeing the tears welling up in my eyes, Shen Jibai finally stepped closer. His tall figure loomed over me, casting a shadow that seemed to envelop me entirely. The usual coldness in his dark eyes softened just a fraction, but his expression remained unreadable.

"Jiang Li," he said, his voice low and measured, "do you even understand what you're doing?"

I bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. "I… I just wanted to know if it was real. If what I felt that day was real…"

Shen Jibai's gaze locked onto mine, and for a moment, the world around us seemed to fade away. The autumn wind rustled the leaves, carrying with it a chill that seeped into my skin, but all I could feel was the intensity of his eyes, as if he were trying to see straight into my soul.

"You think this is a game?" he asked, his tone sharp but not unkind. "Testing your feelings like this? Using tricks and lies to get my attention?"

"I wasn't trying to play games!" I blurted out, my voice trembling. "I just… I didn't know how else to figure it out. You don't understand how hard it is for me. I've always been repelled by men, by their touch, their presence. But with you, it's different. I don't know why, and it's driving me crazy!"

The words spilled out of me like a flood, years of frustration and confusion pouring forth. I had always prided myself on my composure, my ability to stay in control, but in front of Shen Jibai, all my defenses crumbled.

For a moment, he didn't say anything. His silence felt deafening, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Was he angry? Annoyed? Or maybe… did he feel sorry for me?

Finally, he let out a quiet sigh and reached out, his fingers brushing against my arm. The touch was so light, so fleeting, yet it sent a shiver down my spine.

"You don't have to test yourself like this," he said, his voice softer now. "If you feel something, then it's real. You don't need to prove it to anyone—not even to me."

I stared at him, stunned by his words. For someone who always seemed so distant, so untouchable, his response was unexpectedly gentle.

"But what about you?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "Do you feel anything? Or was it just… nothing to you?"

Shen Jibai's expression flickered, just for a second, as if I had caught him off guard. He looked away, his jaw tightening slightly, and for the first time, I saw a crack in his usually impenetrable facade.

"It doesn't matter what I feel," he said after a long pause. "What matters is that you figure out what you want, and that you're honest with yourself. Don't let your confusion turn into regret."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. He wasn't denying that he felt something, but he wasn't admitting it either. It was as if he were deliberately keeping a distance, refusing to let me get too close.

I clenched my fists, frustration bubbling up inside me. "Why are you always like this?" I demanded, my voice rising. "Why can't you just be honest with me? If you feel nothing, then say it. If you feel something, then say that too! Stop hiding behind your walls and leaving me to guess!"

Shen Jibai's eyes snapped back to mine, and for a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of anger in his gaze. But it wasn't anger—it was something deeper, something more complicated.

"You think it's that simple?" he asked, his voice low and almost bitter. "You think I can just say whatever I feel and everything will be fine? Life doesn't work that way, Jiang Li. Not for people like us."

"Why not?" I shot back, my voice trembling. "Why can't it be simple? Why does everything have to be so complicated with you?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he turned away, his shoulders tense, as if he were carrying the weight of the world on them.

I felt a lump rise in my throat, and for a moment, I thought I might start crying again. But I refused to let myself break down. Not here, not now.

"Fine," I said, my voice shaking but firm. "If you won't be honest with me, then I'll be honest with you. I like you, Shen Jibai. I don't know why, and I don't know when it started, but I do. And it scares me, because I've never felt this way about anyone before. But I'm tired of pretending, and I'm tired of waiting for you to make the first move. So there. Now you know."

The words hung in the air between us, heavy and unspoken. Shen Jibai didn't move, didn't say anything, and for a moment, I thought I had made a terrible mistake.

But then, slowly, he turned back to face me. His expression was unreadable, but there was something in his eyes—a flicker of emotion, so brief and fleeting that I almost missed it.

"Jiang Li," he said quietly, "you don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"Maybe I don't," I admitted, my voice soft but steady. "But I'm willing to find out. Are you?"

For a long moment, he didn't say anything. The silence stretched between us, heavy with unspoken words and unanswered questions.

Finally, he let out a quiet sigh and took a step closer. His hand reached out, hesitating for just a second before brushing against my cheek.

"You're braver than I thought," he said, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

And just like that, the walls between us began to crumble, piece by piece.