Chapter 72

So after a few more conversations that included such topics as bio-chemical issues—Amphibian food was all more or less human-safe, unlike demon food, but Anne had shared an anecdote about how she and her surrogate grandfather had gotten high as heck off of each other's preferred stimulants—offers for private Tai Chi and/or Muay Thai lessons if she ever found herself in LA, Marcy's Adress(Luz could probably fly there on Stringbean pretty casually) and an offer to talk to someone named 'Terri' about portals, the first meeting of the support group came to a close and Magik took everyone home.

Er, in Luz's case, back to the Institute.

After thanking Magik again, Luz was cut loose and quickly found her friends, and mother, sitting in a common area they'd agreed to meet back up in before splitting for the afternoon.

"And that's what a Grimwalker is," she heard Hunter finish.

"Oh, wow, you told them?" She asked.

"I wasn't going to," Hunter said, "but then... At the Clone Anon meeting... Everyone was supportive... April's uncles were there and between them, they understood everything I was going through and... A girl named Namorita said that being honest was the best policy, so... Yeah."

"I um, already knew," Gus said. "From trying to trap Belos is his worst memories. I got an eyeful."

"We're talking about that later," Hunter said. "I... I still need to fill some gaps, so can you help with that?"

"Anything for a friend," Gus said.

"But, yeah. That's basically it. I'm a... Clone of the brother Belos murdered, I'm mostly made of wood, and I have noidea what I'm doing with that information," Hunter finished. "But... I'm actually feeling good about the future, so..." Hunter shrugged. "I think I'm in a good place."

"Vee, was the meeting good for you, too?" Luz asked.

"Yeah," Vee replied. "I really got to connect with some people who understand what it's like to be born in a lab, kept prisoner, and treated like a thing to study. Also," Vee continued, "they had pancakes! Well, wheat cakes. I'm not sure what the difference is but I got the recipe. April's uncle made them from his Aunt's recipe."

"Ah, cool," Luz said. "How was everyone else's afternoon?" She asked.

"I've learned so much in just a few hours," Willow said. "Did you know that human orchids aren'tcarnivorous?"

"I made a grown man cry!" Gus said a little too cheerfully.

"I think I got everything out that I needed to," Amity finished.

"How was your, group meeting, Mija?" her Mom asked.

"Great!" Luz declared. "It was small, just me and the three girls from the Frogvasion so we got to know each other decently well," she explained. "They're nice. One of them brought cookies and gave me the recipe," she said, "but I'm not sure where I'm supposed to find cicadas."

"Oh, my grandma used to make cicada cookies," Willow noted. Luz's mother seemed distinctly uncomfortable.

"And um, like I said, they were nice and... I ended up sharing more with them than I planned on they were so nice," Luz said, "and one of them... Really helped me work up the nerve to... There's something I need to tell you guys." Luz thought about it. "Actually two things," she said. She'd start small. "The first is... Uh, yesterday when I was... I already told Amity and Willow about this, and my Mom already knows but... Professor X thinks I have something called depression which is... Basically, something went wrong in my head that's making me feel sad more than I should be, and part of me feels like I deserve to be sad even though I know I don't really and..." Everyone female in her immediate social group, her girlfriend, her best friend, her mother, and her sister all got up and hugged her. "We're gonna work on it, Mom talked with Professor X about getting me more therapy and he gave me some things I can do to try and manage in the meantime but I'm not gonna get better until I've dealt with the thing that's making me feel this way which is... We have a plan, but there are going to be days that are bad for me and where I might need a little extra support, so... Just... I'm still gonna try to be there for anyone who needs me but... Just letting you know."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Hunter asked.

Luz wasn't sure how to answer that question but then her mother spoke up. "The only person who can fix what's wrong with Luz is Luz, and only professional psychologists or psychiatrists are qualified to help her do it," she said. "The best thing any of us can do to help her is to be there for her when she needs us."

"But, what is wrong with her?" Gus asked. "What's making her feel this way?"

"Normally, when people talk about depression, they're talking about something called clinical depression which is when there's something medically wrong that needs treating," Luz said... She wasn't sure if that was 100% right but it was right enough. "But there's nothing like that wrong with me... The Professor thinks it's trauma. I went through a lot in a very short period of time and something broke and... I think I know what it is... The other thing... Hunter already knows this but the..." Luz swallowed. "Could I have a little space?"

The hug ended and she was allowed some breathing room. "So, we found out about the draining spell and that Belos was Philip when Hunter and I got trapped in his mind, but... When Lilith and I went back in time to try and meet Philip in person, before I knew what kind of monster he was, before I knew he was Belos I... Helped him. I taught him the Light Glyph and helped him find the mirror that was used to trap the Collector. The Collector, you know, the little star cherub who splattered him... He's the one who taught Belos the draining spell, so... I've been..." Luz had to blink, her eyes were wet and her vision was starting to blur. "I've been blaming myself for what happened, everything he's done, the people he's hurt ever since and... I know I'm not responsible for his actions, I know it's not really my fault, I know I was tricked but..." Luz sniffed and swallowed. "I would... Really appreciate it if you could find it in your heart to forgive me."

Her friends, the ones who didn't know, all looked at each other, expressions on their faces that Luz couldn't quite read before Willow spoke. "I'm sorry, but we can't do that."

"What?" Luz asked as her blood froze. "I... I—"

"Sorry," Willow said as she interrupted with raised hands. "I said that bad. What I mean is... You can't forgive someone if there's nothing to forgive. There were lotsof things that he needed to do what he did and hundreds of thousands of people he tricked into helping him."

"Remember how we shilled the coven system? back at the Covention?" Gus said. "I don't think you helped him any more than we did."

"And even if you were responsible for everything he did," Vee said, "then... I wouldn't exist without you. I might have suffered in the conformatorium but I'm happy to be alive and be here and if you're responsible for that then muchas gracias mi querida hermana mayor."

"De nada, hermanita."

"In his mindscape, when Belos was saying he couldn't have done it without you... He didn't mean it," Hunter said. "There were probably dozens of demons he could have gotten him to help him if you didn't. He was just trying to throw you off. He tried to make you feel bad so he could manipulate you more easily. So if you need more motivation to get better, just remember that he wins if you don't."

"...Yeah! The heck with him," hopefully literally. "He don't get to make me feel bad and as soon as we get the portal working again I'm gonna make rude hand gestures at the spot where he died."

"I'll allow that just this once," her mother said.

"If anyone's responsible for what happened," Amity said. "Other than Belos himself, it'd be the Collector for teaching him the spell in the first place."

"No, that's not right," Luz denied. "The Collector's just a kid, he doesn't know better and he's been alone and trapped for millennia all over something that wasn't his fault. Belos promised to let him out and obviously, he'd be desperate, so... He's a victim too. At least, that's what the Titan told me..." Could she trust the Titan? He was King's dad, right? He wouldn't...

"Anyway," Gus interrupted, if you absolutely need to be forgiven for something then I forgive you for lying to me about what dental braces are for," he joked.

This destroyed all the tension and caused Luz to explode in a peal of much-needed laughter, that everyone joined in on.

"Thank you, I needed that," Luz said, She felt a massive weight lift off of her shoulders. "I don't have the words to say just how much you've already helped me... I... Los quiero a todos."

"We really need to learn Spanish," Gus observed.

"Yeah," Willow agreed.

"She said she loves us all," Amity translated.

Vee's phone then went off. "It's Masha. They just got Birfrosted into town, whatever that means. They're staying at their sister's place until the all-clear on Carnage comes through in Gravesfield... But we can't come over because Sveta and Sophie's place is a mess and they're too busy between college classes and getting ready for the JGI danceathon tomorrow to be hosts."

"The whatathon?" Luz asked as a certain detail caught her attention.

"I saw a poster for that," her Mom said. "The Institute sponsors a charity event where couples enter and dance. The school's financial backers, The Xavier estate, Rand Co, Stark International, each pledge a certain amount of money to a charity per couple and the more songs a couple makes it through the more money gets donated in that couple's name. No entry fee, no dress code, you just sign up and show up at the rented pavilion. This year they're raising money for cancer research."

"...Luz, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Amity asked.

"That depends, are you thinking that you really wanna check if we can sign up for an opportunity to have fun doing something we're really good at and do something good while doing it?" Luz asked with a smile.

"Yes, yes I am," Amity said.

"I think they were still taking sign-ups," her Mom confirmed.