Even though Cárcel failed to give her a response, Inés continued, "Not a single doctor before him dared to tell my parents that their only daughter ought to be confined to an asylum."
"Inés..." he whispered desperately, as if begging her to stop.
However, she simply plowed on. "They were not permitted to even consider that as an option. My mother became enraged at even the hint of such a notion, and my father-he attempted to kill the doctor from Peral. None of them could find a way to treat me."
His face twisted in anguish and sorrow as he listened.
"Don't mourn me, Cárcel," she said as a gust of wind blew against the back of her head and tousled her hair. She paused to gather her tresses, removing the ribbon around her neck to tie them back-she appeared completely nonchalant, her demeanor betraying no trace of the harrowing tale of her past.
Cárcel remained rooted to the spot, his eyes locked on her as if frozen in place.
With a gentle tug on his wrist, she pulled him to sit down next to her. "The doctor was also a master apothecary, famed for his knowledge of herbs that could heal a fractured mind. He was so talented that he was under the protection of the royal family of Peral, and was sought after by nobility from other kingdoms. After some time, he finally managed to save my life... My father, worn down by years of denial, could no longer refute the reality of my condition. I remember that I had torn at my own flesh..."
Her words left him blinking in shock and disbelief. "What?"
"None of them were deep enough to scar, of course. though I had to use a great deal of expensive ointments." She paused, a hint of reflection in her voice. "I was a complete fool back then, lost and confused. At times, I forgot how to breathe... I had to hurt myself to feel the pulse of life within me, to remind myself that I was still alive. My self-loathing was so profound that I couldn't bear to live without punishing myself..."
"Inés," he groaned, the weight of her confession crushing him.
"Being alive felt like a curse, Cárcel. I couldn't forgive myself, and every single day felt like an unbearable punishment... People would ask what troubled me, but I had no answer. It was all inside my own head... just as the doctor from Peral had said."
His eyes filled with sadness as she continued with her story. "Things that had never happened disguised themselves as events of the past and haunted me, eroding my sanity. During those four years, I was trapped in a never-ending nightmare...so overwhelming that I could no longer hide my condition from the rest of the world." Her voice remained completely calm aside from the occasional tremor in her breathing. There was no hint of forced composure or the cold remnants of distress in her voice-after all, she had steeled herself for this very moment all day long.
It was true that she had entertained the idea of simply feigning ignorance and pretending that everything was fine. But then she remembered the precious moment in the greenhouse-how his eyes had lit up with unrestrained joy and kissed her with such enthusiasm upon receiving her gift. Cárcel had been quite proud of the presents, but in that moment, nothing mattered to her except him.
She also recalled the despair and fury that had gripped her when she discovered his lie, even though it was just one compared to the countless lies she had been feeding him from the very beginning. In the end, she saw no other option but to tell him the truth.
Inés drew in a deep breath and continued, "What happened in El Tabeo was... an aftereffect of that illness, or perhaps it's more accurate to call it a bad habit. As you witnessed this morning, I tend to lose control of my breathing whenever I do not get my way. It's a flaw, certainly, stemming from my difficult personality... but that's the entirety of it. I was under considerable stress that day as the result of several smaller things... and you know the rest. Truly, I thought it was only a minor incident, unworthy of further discussion." She paused and pressed her lips together, as if searching for the right words. "I apologize for hiding such a major flaw from you... and for using that word, even though I know you despise it. But that is the truth, and we both know it. I should have told you everything before trying to marry you. However, I was selfish enough to contemplate hiding it forever... I am so sorry."
Cárcel's eyes, still clouded with sorrow, remained fixed on her, his attention unwavering. She held his gaze, feeling the beat of his pulse beneath her fingers. "When I first chose you," she managed to say, "I had no idea that I would become such a... wreck. You might have thought of me as a peculiar little girl, but still... There were moments when I convinced myself that 'those things' had never truly happened. Being in the body of a child gave me a semblance of relief, making me believe that I might be able to keep my sanity and live a normal life. All because I finally managed to tell myself that my delusions were, in fact, delusions..." A bitter chuckle escaped her lips. "Now you must know that my sanity had abandoned me a long time ago."
At this, Cárcel twisted his hand and took hold of her wrist instead, silently refuting her last statement.
She smiled and gently tapped on the back of his hand with her other hand as she would an endearing little pup. "During those four chaotic years, my family was too consumed by their own troubles to see anything problematic about our marriage. It was the least of their concerns amidst the tempest they were enduring. Your name never even crossed my father's mind, and my mother drowned her fears in alcohol and medicine. She was so terrified of our union that she no longer had the strength to deny my condition, even when not under their influence. But when she was... she did not even recognize me."
For a brief moment, Cárcel's fingers tightened around her wrist.
"I am simply trying to say... it was never my family's intent to deceive you from the very beginning, although that is what ultimately happened. At the time, you had little interest in me... and by the time you sought our union, my illness had been a thing of the past for several years. My father has always been a self-serving man. He was probably relieved when you joined the navy, since it bought him time. Even your reputation as a libertine... I'm sure that eased his conscience as well, knowing he wouldn't have to bear the guilt of marrying off a madwoman to be a wife and mother... his poor, unhinged daughter who used to harm herself with a blade every single day."
Cárcel remained silent, but she heard a slight hitch in his breath.
"As for my mother, she simply chose to ignore my flaw, to pretend it didn't exist, so that she could marry me off and be rid of her burden. In a way, I understand. They must have wanted to forget those horrible years... and they were selfish enough to justify our marriage once time had dulled the memory." She gave a soft snort. "Unfortunately for them, they only had two children, and casting me aside like refuse would have been a great loss to House Valeztena..."
Finally, Cárcel spoke, his voice quiet but firm. "Those things hardly matter to me."
"Well, they should," she responded immediately.
His voice trembled slightly but carried a resolute undertone as he said, "Please, Inés... do not speak of our marriage as if it were some kind of sin."
She blinked, her mouth slowly closing as his words registered.
"Do not try to explain your parents' actions as if our marriage was born of their insidious plot and deceit," he continued, the shock on his face becoming more pronounced, as though he could no longer hide it.
"There is nothing that needs justification. There was no terrible flaw that had to be hidden... They did no wrong in arranging our union."
A cold smile touched her lips. "That is where you are mistaken, Cárcel. Not a single family in Ortega would have accepted me as a bride had they known about my flaw. My family deceived you to rid themselves of me, and that is the truth."
He shook his head stubbornly. "No. When it comes to our marriage, I do not believe they acted unjustly."
"Cárcel-" she began, but he cut her off.
"Please, Inés... do not say that our marriage was wrong." His shoulders slumped, and he bent down to place his lips against the back of her hand. "Do not say there is something wrong with you. No one has the right to make such a claim, not even yourself..." Now there was a noticeable tremor in his voice. "My life was desolate until I married you. I only started to believe in God when you chose me."
After a moment, she managed to whisper, "I am sorry."
"Then why do you hurt me so, Inés?" Slowly, he raised his head to look at her, tears brimming in his eyes. She could see an overwhelming despair mingled with rage, though she couldn't tell at whom or what the latter was directed. "You did nothing wrong," he murmured, his voice cracking. "You are not unhinged, and you never were."
Tears began to stream from his eyes. Inés reached out with her free hand and gently stroked his cheek.
"You have never done anything wrong," he repeated, his words tender and comforting.
These were the words that she had longed to hear for so long. How could he say such beautiful things despite his ignorance-how could he utter the exact things that her cowardly, selfish heart had craved?
"How would you know that?" she asked, her voice barely audible.
"I just do."
Strangely enough, those simple words brought her a sense of liberation. She felt him place featherlight kisses on her palm, each one accompanied by the warmth of his tears.
"So please, Inés," he murmured against her hand. "do not speak such words. If you were simply sharing your secrets with me, I would have been honored... but you are baring your weaknesses to give me power over you, and that is not what I desire."
Inés felt a tightness in her chest. "But... most of my secrets are my weaknesses. Do you not wish to know more of me?"
He tightened his hold on her wrist. "Of course I want to know everything about you, no matter how painful it may be. But I would rather die in ignorance if it means you must force yourself to share them. I do not want some weapon to use against you."
He was right. What she had revealed to him would be enough to completely and permanently ruin her reputation. After all, she had confessed that she had been unstable enough to inflict cuts on her own skin, and that her parents had married her off to the heir of Escalante despite having known her flaw for years. She had indeed been pushing herself into a corner, and intentionally so.
When Cárcel met her gaze again, his eyes were filled with anguish, as if he had known her true intentions all along.
She tenderly brushed the tears away from his cheeks, her voice soft as a breath of wind. "I wanted you to know my weakness, Cárcel. This way, you may discard me whenever you wish... or keep me by your side forever."
"I have told you countless times, Inés... I do not need such things," he whispered, desperation dripping from his voice.
It was like she hadn't heard him at all. "Now, you can keep me anywhere you want... you can even lock me away in a cellar, if it pleases you. You can tie my limbs together or put me on a leash like a beast... After all, that is how madwomen are treated in Ortega, regardless of their station. You can simply tell the world you are protecting me from myself-"
Cárcel broke through her words. "Why would you speak such a blasted thing?" he snapped, his grip tightening around her wrist, barely suppressing a string of curses that threatened to spill forth.
However, she continued, her tone almost detached, "Surely, my father would be grateful that you didn't send me to an asylum, where I would be stripped of all dignity and left to rot in isolation-especially since he knows just how unhinged I could become. You can use this knowledge to confine me forever, or banish me to some remote village where you'd never have to see me again."
"Inés..." His voice trembled with clear disbelief. "I would never do such a thing. I would rather drive a sword through my own heart."
"I know," she replied with quiet certainty. "But it doesn't matter. All I seek is to prove to you that I am no longer ill. Do you believe me now, Cárcel?"
"I do," he growled. "That's enough, Inés, no more..."
"Or do you believe I have lost my mind?"
He shook his head violently. "Of course not. In fact, you never had to say anything to convince me."
"Liar. I know that I dashed your hopes this morning."
"So you decided to punish me by degrading yourself instead?" he said, distress simmering beneath his words.
She could hear a voice from the past overlapping with Cárcel's, but she forced herself to ignore it. Sternly, she said, "Yes, because I am the only one here who deserves to be punished."
"Preposterous," Cárcel shot back.
"Think of the cowardly excuse I gave you. I intended to hide my flaw, to deceive you into marrying me under the pretense of sanity... because I thought everything would be fine. I did not even mention the fact that I had been using you, and that I had every intention to cast you aside once I was done."
"Inés," he began, but she spoke over him.
She felt like she was using a false mask of omniscience and confidence to shatter his composure. "It is true that I was of sound mind when I first chose you... but not enough to marry anyone. So I lied to you. I pretended I didn't have this flaw when I was a child and acted like I had a semblance of shame. But the truth is, I never intended to spend my life with you as your wife. I only hid my secret because I didn't feel the need to tell you, not because I feared that you would abandon me once you found out."
Suddenly, Cárcel felt like he had closed the distance between them by a few steps. He did not crumble from shock or betrayal-her confession only deepened the familiar ache that had always been there. Still, he couldn't ignore the painful throb in his heart as he regarded her silently, his eyes reflecting his hurt.
Inés could not understand him-how could he still love her after hearing the entire truth?
For a moment, she clenched her teeth to hold back her tears. Then she continued, "I am worse than my parents. I knew my own flaw better than anyone, and yet I never thought it would affect you. I did not even feel remorse. I simply told myself that this marriage was nothing more than a facade."
"Inés..."
"Can't you see? I have been trying to ruin everything from the very beginning. Ever since I first laid eyes on your young, innocent face..."
His fingers traced gentle circles over her wrist. "I know, Inés. And it's all right. You don't need to bear this guilt and pain any longer."
"Cárcel, I..." she faltered, her voice quivering under the weight of unshed tears. When she met his gaze, she found no trace of the anguish that had been so evident.
"I know that you have changed now," he said with soft conviction. "You chose to stay, to live this life by my side."
As his resolve grew stronger, hers began to crumble. Tears poured down her cheeks like a relentless rain. "I-I pretended to care for you one moment, only to push you away the next. How can you not be angry at me?"
Cárcel shook his head. "How could I, Inés? You decided to keep me by your side and build a family with Ivana and Ricardo. You said you would never leave me, and that is more than I ever dared to hope for."
Her heart ached with an emotion she couldn't name -whether it was sorrow, regret, or something more bittersweet. "You are a foolish man, Cárcel."
"And you are the one who chose that fool, Inés. Your parents had no part in it. Besides, you are clever enough for both of us," he whispered as he pulled her onto his lap. "So... stop playing the fool. It is unlike you."
Inés shivered as sobs wracked her body, her vision blurred by the flood of tears. "I-I'm telling you, I am a madwoman. Have you been listening at all?"
Do you understand the gravity of what I just said, you fool? she thought desperately. I am not trying to say that you are a fool-no, in fact, I am the one who has been an utter fool. I have been trapped in a nightmare, Cárcel, caught in a vicious cycle where I continue to destroy myself and those around me... and they destroy me in return. In that dream, I can never hold onto anything I truly desire. I ruin everything I get my hands on... every single precious thing. Perhaps I have already ruined you...
"You are no longer dreaming, Inés," Cárcel said, as if he had heard the turmoil in her heart. "This is your reality now... here, with me."