333

Inés found herself speechless as she stared at him. Her body began to grow cold and clammy, starting from her fingertips.

"That will most likely be the most crucial point for you in the future, my lady," Dante added. Without looking at her, he continued, "Singling you out would be too dangerous and expensive, so they swapped out a single medicinal herb which is said to have the same effect as one included in the medicine you were prescribed. If it is much cheaper and has the same effect, there is no reason not to replace it, after all. This herb-it was a rare thing that even the Mendozan apothecary with over twenty years of experience had never seen. I am sure the apothecary who crafted your medicine will say that it is an herb unfamiliar to us, but common in the Sartega region, and that it has precisely the same effect as the other...according to what he heard."

Inés finally spoke up. "Enough with your roundabout talk. Tell me the conclusion, Ijar."

"An apothecary with much more knowledge will tell you the one place where this herb grows." He took something out of his pocket and handed it to her.

She looked down at the stalk of dried herb in her hand. It had long leaves, each coiled like a rope, that sprouted all along the stem-they almost looked like the legs of an insect. She felt repelled, as though it might suddenly spring to life and crawl up her arm.

"It grows everywhere in Salta, within the Barca territory, and it is known by the name panote," he explained. "Find someone who knows of this medicinal herb and get help from them, though I must say that it will be hard to find one conversant with it."

Barca. Alicia Barca. Inés repeated that disgusting name over and over in her head; her vision grew blurry. Unable to even ask what this herb really was, she barely managed to tuck it under the ribbon tied around her wrist. The question seemed meaningless now.

"Once you do that, you will find out why you have been unable to bear children all this time, my lady. And whose fault that was."

Inés let out a sharp laugh. "I wonder how you know about this."

"Did your brother not tell you? The crown prince's wife and I used to bed each other before she was married."

"I believe I did hear about that. I must have forgotten because it did not concern me at all."

"That is understandable."

"And what about now?" She was asking him whether he and Alicia were still visiting each other's bedchambers.

Dante glanced over to the door at the end of the hall behind which Alicia had to be and smirked coldly. "I shudder at the mere thought. Is that enough of an answer?"

"I suppose that will have to wait to be seen."

"You really are thorough."

Inés met Dante's eyes squarely after she handed her empty glass to a passing servant. "Did she tell you the reason? Nothing would break her husband's heart more than me conceiving Cárcel Escalante's child."

"Surprisingly, she is quite wary of the child you may bear the crown prince, though you have never even been near his bedchamber."

"Oh, so she refused to take any chances."

"She also said that she could not allow you to be content in a 'normal' fashion outside of being the crown prince's mistress."

How dare she think she can hold sway over my life... Inés, her face still stony and indifferent, clasped her ice-cold hands together. And before she could show any signs of anxiety, she whirled around and walked away from him.

She thought back to those instances when she had thrown away the dreadful medicine, and the times she had actually swallowed it, unaware of its harm. Back when she knew it was needed but did not want it, when she wasn't yet desperate and was sick of her mother's wishes... A bitter smile crept to her lips.

One day, she had found herself in love with Cárcel Escalante, and the realization had changed everything-she grew impatient. When she remembered her very first death, she began to count how many days she may have left. If it was inevitable, she needed help. And so, though she had thrown away the medicine nine times out of ten, she began to take it more and more often, until it became part of her routine. She was desperate; she thought her time was running out. Because she knew her body was not fit for childbearing to begin with.

But the more she wanted it, the harder it had become. She had, in fact, ruined her own chances the more she wished for it.

Inés told herself that she had thrown away more medicine than she had taken, and that, in the end, she hadn't taken that much of it. Yet, she couldn't help the exasperated laugh that slipped out of her mouth. There was nothing else she could do right now.

No matter what she imagined-taking the fancy rifle from that fool by the podium and running over to the hall where Alicia was, hitting her over the head with a wine bottle, and even stabbing her in that frail neck of hers-none of it made Inés feel better. They were of no help, so long as it was impossible for her to make them a reality.

Her mind was filled with broken phrases. Because she could not "allow" it? How dare she, how dare a wench like her-she has no right whatsoever. My life, my last chance... It has nothing to do with her. Yet she has ruined it merely because she couldn't tolerate it? Inés felt bile rise in her throat.

She had once imagined their child running down the narrow hallway of their residence in Calztela after looking at the portrait of Cárcel as a young boy. A child who would be nothing like her and take after her husband to be kind and beautiful. A child who would be raised with love... A child she bore who might have found happiness for the first time. The first of her children who would have been allowed to live. A child who survived, finally, and walked the earth. A child who learned how to speak from her and how to love from Cárcel.

For the very first time, she had dreamed of a child who laughed and babbled and walked and ran around. A child between her and her beloved husband, a being who was half of her and half of him. She imagined what it would be like to have a peaceful life in which no one wished to harm them, and in which they had a child that could stand on its own two feet and run into her arms. As if it were her first time being a mother.

She wanted to give this child the love that had vanished like smoke in the wind whenever she had faced a loss. She wanted to draw back the heavy curtains of despair and sorrow so she could give the child everything... She wanted to reward the child and Cárcel Escalante-and all of the Inés Valeztenas of the past.

But at the same time, she could never imagine the distant future. She had never grown old, after all. All she could imagine were a few years from the present, a result of her shallow imagination. Still, at the root of that imagination was the hope that she may be able to watch their child grow up for the very first time.

"Ah..." Inés gripped her hand that suddenly felt paralyzed. Her anxious breaths slowed down as they barely made it through her throat that felt like it was closing up.

In the distance, she caught sight of Oscar stepping back into the hall. All of this was his fault-the abominable man she could barely stand to look at, a despicable wretch only a woman as insane as Alicia would love. Because of the delusions of his unhinged wife, once again...

Her body swayed sideways.

"Inés!" Luciano caught her just in time, calling out to her. But she couldn't hear what he was saying.

Inés looked helplessly up at her brother and then over to the door that led to another hall, which Dante had glanced at earlier. She suddenly felt like a bucket of cold water had been poured over her head. It was as if cold water droplets were piercing into her mind, eating away at her consciousness. Unintelligible sounds began to fill her head.

Suddenly, she could hear the voice of that Alicia Valenza. "It looks like you have become so weak that you cannot bear a child. Not that it would live long if you managed to give birth to one."

Inés blinked. It was right here, she realized. She recalled Alicia revealing the perverse glee she could no longer hide. Just as Inés tried to hold on to that memory, her memories changed, and she saw something different.

A time difference of several years and an unfamiliar place. She suddenly found herself looking up at Alicia, who stood above her, her face twisted with fierce satisfaction beyond Inés's blurry vision. She looked both satisfied and sympathetic as she stared down at Inés with that delicate face of hers. It was the face of a monster who could not decide between feeling guilty and triumphant.

The face of the insane wife who had also loved Oscar in the first world. The face of Alicia Valenza Inés wished she could tear off.

"Poor, frail Inés Escalante. Who would have thought the most amazing woman in the world would be reduced to this? That you would be hiding in such a place... Are you hiding from your husband, because you fear that the man who worshiped you might see you in this wretched state? I understand. You would never want anyone's pity. Were you afraid of having to rely on your husband you never cared about just as you lie there, dying? How pitiful... Perhaps you imagined your husband grimacing at the sight of you now, emaciated and bereft of beauty. Or were you afraid that the devoted Cárcel Escalante would abandon you?"

Inés did not respond.

"Oh dear. You have become so weak that you cannot even respond to me. Yes, you must be in incredible pain now... I was actually quite worried about you. I thought that maybe, I was making a mistake. I failed to give you the proper dosage. What a fool I was. I did not know much about panote to begin with. All I wanted was for you to be unable to have children. I swear, I never meant to harm you or kill you, Inés. I simply wanted to prevent you from getting what you wished for."

The sudden realization and instant wave of fury that had overwhelmed all those years ago were as vivid as though this had just happened. Inés screamed silently against Luciano's chest as her brother hurriedly wrapped his arms around her. The words she had mouthed back then in her daze came tumbling out, without sound. "It was you. You did this. All of this... this pain... all of it... was because you of you...""

"Your life was just too perfect, so it could use a little pain, right? That was all I wanted. I swear, I never wanted to reduce you to this state. That was why I was always curious to see just what I had done to you. How affected you were, and how much I had ruined you. This is my work, after all, so I couldn't help but wonder."

Inés was silent once again, her pale lips trying to utter words which would not come.

"You must have heard of the saying that those who live in hatred cannot get into heaven. Unfortunately, this has already happened, and we can't undo the past, Inés. I want you to forgive me, make me feel better about myself before you die. Please?"