The Dead Zone Purification Operation
The moment Tighnari donned the *Princess Mononoke* Forest Spirit mask, ley line memories flooded his mind—vivid scenes of Akademiya scholars injecting Forbidden Knowledge into the earth five centuries ago. Corrupted roots screeched in resonance, splitting the sand into abyssal fissures that exposed buried Akademiya equipment.
"Master! Field Three's sea buckthorn is gone—desert rats ate everything!" Collei's mechanical glove projected holograms: rats gnawing on *Plants vs. Zombies*-style Wall-nuts, trailed by Mako-attracted mutant Scarabs. Her Ruin Guard farm extended mechanical arms, only for the rats to disarm them with *Animal Crossing* bug nets.
"Use this!" The one-eyed mercenary roared in with a *Metal Gear* cargo truck, tossing glowing rat-repellent grass. "Boss' special—Palico fur and Mako-infused 'T-Rex Roar Edition'!" A button press unleashed deafening roars, scattering the rats and briefly sealing the abyss.
Tighnari picked up a blade, ears flattened: "Do you Golden Sands folks have a strange definition of 'weapons'?"
"Results matter!" The mercenary proudly displayed fainted rats. "I once interrogated a Fatui spy with this!"
At the Dead Zone's core, Tighnari injected Mako into the corrupted heart. Collei's glove malfunctioned, accidentally triggering a *Final Fantasy* summon: **"Bahamut, engage!"**
A golden dragon emerged—only to morph into a giant sprinkler, drenching the heart. Mako mixed with miasma, forming *Fall Guys*-style toxic mushrooms that sang off-key nursery rhymes.
"Is this... purification?" Collei gaped.
"No, mutation!" Tighnari backpedaled as the mushrooms swelled into *Attack on Titan* proportions, Akademiya runes glowing on their caps. The mercenary grabbed a Tesla coil to roast them, but the mushrooms stole it as a microphone, turning the scene into an *Idolmaster* concert.
Kazuha swooped in on a Scarab, scattering *Plants vs. Zombies* Ice-shrooms. The mushrooms froze mid-beat as Nahida's hologram appeared: "They're resonating with corruption—override it with music!"
The Golden Sands truck blasted *The Hottest Ethnic Wind*, and the mushrooms broke into square dancing. The mercenary led with a neon green mohawk, Akademiya runes disintegrating under the chaotic rhythm.
Nahida wove a fairytale tea table with Dendro. The corrupted heart became a sulky strawberry cake: "I just wanted to be tiramisu..."
"Maybe negotiate?" Kazuha offered *Stardew Valley* seeds. "Trade these for your corruption data." The cake spat out a data chip. When Lumine verified it with *Ace Attorney* magatama, she found Kazuha's pre-transmigration selfie—a lab plastered with Teyvat maps in the background.
"Care to explain?" Lumine raised an eyebrow.
Kazuha chuckled nervously: "What if I said it's my parallel self...?"
Before he finished, the mercenary crashed into the table, squashing the cake into macarons. The mushrooms stole the Mako tank, opening a *Minecraft*-themed bar in the Dead Zone ruins.
At the celebration, Aaru Village transformed into a rainbow carnival:
*Wheat Surfing*: Purified fields grew *Harvest Moon* golden wheat; kids surfed Scarabs through the stalks.
*Mako Salon*: Villagers lined up for Mako hair dye; the mercenary's neon green mohawk became a trend, forcing Jeht to teach *Animal Crossing* beauty classes.
*Toxic Tavern*: Nahida repurposed mutant mushrooms as bartenders; spore cocktails boosted scholars' inspiration, increasing thesis output by 300%.
Kazuha drunkenly raised the Mako tank: "To chaos!" Its base revealed his past-life lab logo. Lumine picked up a mushroom fragment—its cap patterns matched Kazuha's old virus code.
In the shadows, Akademiya remnants monitored the feast via holograms: "Mako and Forbidden Knowledge fusion data collected... Initiating 'False God Revival Project'."