The Banquet of Social Death

The Golden Sands' bonfire lit up half the night sky, the aroma of roasted Redcrests mingling with desert roses. Xiangling set up a massive bronze pot shipped from Liyue, its flame motifs glowing like molten lava. This "Soul Cooking Artifact," engraved with the words *爆衣の魂* (Clothes-Exploding Soul), had once brewed a mushroom soup that made Keqing recite *Liyue Commerce Law* in public. 

"This 'Desert Lava Soup' is seasoned with Scarlet King Dihydro crystals!" Xiangling ladled golden-red broth that burned holes in the sand. "Mr. Kazuha said this pot brings out ingredients' 'souls,' though I'm still figuring out what a sandworm's soul looks like…" 

Cyno stood in the shadows, his cape fluttering without wind. "Akademiya regulations require safety plans for outdoor cooking, including but not limited to fire, explosion, and—" Before he finished, Kaveh knocked over the spice rack, spilling Scarlet King chili powder into the pot. 

**BOOM!** 

A blinding light engulfed the camp. When it faded— 

"My judgment cape!" Cyno stood frozen, his Electro Vision sparking with rage. His majestic cape was now shreds, revealing red shorts printed with the Scarlet King emblem and the words: *Aaru Village Children's Day Special—May the Scarlet King Bless You.* 

Tighnari's ears puffed up like dandelions. "I saw nothing… pfft!" He clamped his mouth shut, but his tail wagged uncontrollably, kicking up sand. 

Collei's camera shutter clicked like a crossbow volley. "Mr. Cyno, this is art! Look at the composition—the Scarlet King emblem contrasting with Electro is stunning!" 

Jeht wrapped herself in tent fabric, only to find it printed with *Scarlet King Express Delivery—3 Days Guaranteed, or It's Free.* Her face darkened. "Who used our backup canvas for ads?!" 

Chaos spread like wildfire: 

Alhaitham's scholar robes tore into abstract strips, revealing a *Genius Invokation TCG* deck analysis tattooed on his back, complete with precise acupoint labels. Kaveh tried covering himself with blueprints, only to find them covered in chibi Scarlet King doodles—round-headed kings riding Ruin Guards playing ball. 

"This is true *爆衣料理* (clothes-exploding cuisine)!" Xiangling waved her ladle excitedly. "Look! Mr. Kaveh's abs are like the Scarlet King's arches! The muscle texture, the golden ratio!" 

Lumine wove a makeshift outfit from vines, hissing at Kazuha, "You knew this would happen! When Klee used this pot for Slime Jelly, the Knights' cafeteria turned into a nude tea party!" 

Kazuha chuckled nervously. "I was just delivering the main branch's 'surprise'… Wait, behind you!" 

The chibi pot floated up, sucking in Cyno's cape fragments. The soup erupted in rainbow light, shrinking everyone in range—Tighnari's ears ballooned, Cyno's staff turned into a glowstick playing *Renai Circulation*, and Nahida sat in a Ruin Guard's palm, her chibi form smaller than a date. 

"It's a *Clannad* dango summoner!" Nahida held up a toy-sized Akasha Terminal. "Klee's 'celebration gift' got mixed into the blind boxes! Effects last about twelve hours." 

"Why is Kaveh the only one normal?!" Collei pointed at the still-tall but disheveled architect. 

Alhaitham adjusted his chibi glasses, which covered half his face. "Probably because years of rejected submissions have obliterated his sense of shame." 

Under the moonlight, the Golden Sands camp became a whimsical kingdom, even the patrolling Ruin Guards danced with dango heads. 

Kaveh built a Scarlet King sandcastle with a miniature theodolite, each brick meticulously crafted per *Ancient Architecture Restoration Guidelines*. But a stampede of chibi pack beasts trampled his masterpiece. "This is artistic murder!" Kaveh wailed, only for Tighnari to plant glowing cacti on the ruins. "This is true desert aesthetics," the Forest Ranger wagged his ears smugly. "Death and rebirth coexist." 

Alhaitham tried analyzing the dango effect with his chibi Akasha Terminal, but Collei captured his "glasses covering two-thirds of his face" blackmail material. Cyno chased the paparazzi with a toothpick-sized staff, leaving heart-shaped footprints in the sand. "Under *Akasha Portrait Rights Act Article 233*…" His roar was drowned out by Jeht leading the Golden Sands war chant. 

The chibi pot fused with the dango summoner, its soup making drinkers perform Scarlet King ritual dances. The Eremites formed a square, shields clashing to *Gokuraku Jodo*'s beat. Jeht's flung tent fabric trapped fleeing Akademiya remnants. "Finish the dance first~" She stomped on the fabric, grinning devilishly. 

At the camp's edge, Lumine caught Kaveh sneaking glowing sand into a blind box. "This is Scarlet King core sand," the architect avoided her gaze. "It can suppress the pot's rampage… Don't tell Cyno." He traced ancient carvings on the sand. "Some secrets should stay buried in the desert."