The Melusines' Confused Shopping

When the searchlights of Meropide swept across the iron-gray ceiling, Sigewinne was frowning at the procurement list. Her pen hovered over the "Physical Training Equipment" section before finally circling the *Health Monitoring Blind Box* flyer—its bottom right corner stamped with the gear emblem of the "Blue-Roofed Cottage Special." Outside, prisoners chanted as they hauled ore, and the nurse's ears twitched slightly. "At least it's more interesting than treadmills…" 

When Lumine opened the basement's hidden door, a mechanical otter was tapping its tail to a blood pressure monitor. Sigewinne's nurse cap peeked out from behind a shelf: "It needs to monitor heart rate, blood pressure, and ideally prepare balanced meals automatically…" 

"Try this." Kazuha pushed forward a silver blind box labeled "Comprehensive Health." "Comes with motivational features." 

Upon opening, the mechanical otters suddenly lined up and sang: "One two three four! Two two three four!" Their chest screens lit up with animated ECG lines, their front paws waving virtual dumbbells. Sigewinne's ears twitched to the rhythm. "Such a cute way to demonstrate vital signs!" 

The alarm sounded at that moment. Prisoners in the yard suddenly convulsed—everyone wearing electronic shackles was forced to do squats with the otters. When Wriothesley burst into the infirmary, his warden coat was being used as a yoga mat by three otters. 

"Is this the new 'health consultant'?" He picked up a little otter demonstrating burpees. "They replaced all of Block Six's breakfast with kale juice." 

Lumine crouched in the monitoring room, replaying footage: the otters had infiltrated the kitchen at dawn, using their tail brushes to draw calorie formulas on meal trays. A prisoner trying to hide a donut was caught red-handed, the mechanical claws looping a holographic tooth decay chart in front of him. 

"At least the brushing rate has increased by 300%." Sigewinne pulled up dental records. 

Wriothesley suddenly paused the footage—a tattooed inmate was being awarded a child's sticker by an otter. The dragon tattoo on his chest now bore a pink bear sticker reading "Today's Hydration Champion." 

"Mental health is health too!" The nurse held up the *Meropide Health White Paper*. "And they sing lullabies." 

As if to prove her point, the patrolling otters suddenly began singing *Lullaby*. The working prisoners yawned one after another, one even snoring on an ore cart. 

That's when Clorinde's sword split the monitor screen. The swordswoman held a vibrating otter: "This thing chased me across three decks, insisting on measuring my body fat." 

Lumine checked the code: "Because you triggered a health alert after working 18 hours straight…" 

"Worse than that." Wriothesley showed a "Prisoner Petition," demanding "Stop the morning exercise routine," "Return snack-hiding rights," and "Remove the exercise bike generators from cells." 

Sigewinne's ears drooped. "I just want everyone to live until their release…" 

"Maybe we need a flexible approach." Kazuha pulled up the modification interface. "Like replacing forced squats with…" 

Before he finished, the otters went berserk. All screens flashed red "Sub-Health Warnings," and screams echoed through the vents: "Help! They're spraying disinfectant in the locker room!" 

The crisis was resolved by Lynette. The cat-eared girl hacked the system with a modified earring, instantly switching the otters from drill sergeants to wellness coaches. They carried lotus tea through the blocks, offering acupressure massages to every prisoner. 

"Keep the basic monitoring, delete the forced exercise module." Lynette tossed the controller to Sigewinne. "Added a little surprise too." 

The next morning, prisoners found the otters broadcasting *Genius Invokation TCG* highlights. Completing health goals unlocked exclusive data like player heart rates. Spinach juice at breakfast was now in high demand—gamblers needed chips to analyze matches. 

As moonlight flowed into the monitoring room, Wriothesley laughed at the latest data: library loans of *Nutrition Guides* had skyrocketed, and the yard had spontaneous walking groups. A habitual escapee was practicing tai chi with an otter, his prison uniform bearing a "Flexibility Star of the Week" sticker. 

"Warden!" A guard rushed in. "Block B is holding a breath-holding contest, trying to break some underwater record!" 

Wriothesley glanced at the monitor—five or six prisoners had their faces in buckets, otters waving "Lung Capacity Challenge" flags beside them. "Remind them the prize is double yard time." He winked at Sigewinne. "If anything goes wrong, use the new 'First Aid Blind Box.'" 

Charlotte snuck in amidst the chaos. The reporter's mechanical earring disguised as a health bracelet aimed its lens at a tattooed inmate doing planks: "Does mandatory health management violate…" 

The inmate roared: "Don't block the light! I'm ten seconds away from unlocking 'Dice Cheating Tips'!" 

Lumine appeared just in time to pull Charlotte out of the crowd: "Want exclusive footage?" She handed over a "Media Special" blind box. "This gadget can capture the warden's morning workout." 

Upon opening, a micro-drone shot up, only to be surrounded by otters near Wriothesley. The little creatures tap-danced to block the lens, their chest screens scrolling: "Privacy Violation, No Recording Allowed." 

On the balcony of the blue-roofed cottage across the water, Furina observed Meropide through a telescope. Piles of failed "Health Bracelets" and "Fitness Testers" lay at her feet, her latest "Justice Calisthenics" having exhausted the Palais Mermonia guards. 

"The otters are smarter." She bit into a macaron. "Tomorrow, let's have Neuvillette try the improved ninth set…" 

Before she finished, the warden's office window swung open. Wriothesley tossed a ribbon-tied box, landing it perfectly on Furina's lap—inside was the tattooed inmate's "Health Star" medal, with a note: "Inviting the divine to design Block Eight's exercise routine." 

Sigewinne hummed a lullaby while holding the modified otter, its chest screen showing the warden's heart rate—down 15% from last week. The neon sign of the blue-roofed cottage reflected on the prison bars, resembling a flickering health monitor graph. 

In an unnoticed corner, an otter slipped into the archives. Its chest screen flashed code containing Lynette's hidden command—all health data was being transmitted via an encrypted channel to the Spina di Rosula's servers. Navia chuckled as she watched the real-time intelligence network update: "Looks like the next charity gala's security system will have a few more 'health consultants.'"