Tea, Muscular Maids, and Dumbuto’s Secrets

Okay, so I'm sitting here in this fancy cafe, sipping on my overpriced tea, trying to escape the madness. But of course, the madness keeps following me. I glance around and—what do I see?—a whole bunch of muscular maids. Yeah, like muscular, like they could probably crush a boulder with one hand.

I mean, I'm trying to enjoy some quiet time, and now there's this whole squad of buff maids flexing around, carrying trays with smiles on their faces. What the hell is going on here?

"Who is this fanservice for, though?" I mutter, shaking my head. "Is this some weird 'strong women' fetish thing? Not that I'm complaining, just... what is happening?"

Seriously, they don't even match the vibe of the rest of the game. Like, why are these big, buff maids serving tea and snacks? It's like someone threw in random elements from a different game for no reason. Gacha, rom-com, date sim, RPG... you name it. This whole world feels like a giant mess of game genres they just decided to throw in like a salad. And none of it makes sense.

I take another sip of my tea, but honestly, I'm just staring off into space at this point. The whole thing feels absurd. My mind starts wandering back to everything I remember from playing Eternal Love Fantasia for... well, let's just say too many hours.

Dumbuto. Yeah, that's the nickname I've given to the so-called hero of the game, Haruto. I swear, this guy is so dumb, I don't even know how he's still alive in this world. He's supposed to be the "legendary Thunder Sage," but every time he opens his mouth, I just wanna facepalm. "Let's defeat the villains together, best friend!" he says. Really? Is that what we're calling it now?

I can't even with this guy. Every time something important happens, Dumbuto just... misses it. He's like the walking embodiment of failure, a disaster in the making. Honestly, I'm surprised the game's developers didn't give him a "fail" sound effect whenever he does something stupid.

And then—oh my god—I start thinking about Haruto's appearance. Like, the dude looks like a girl. Or worse, he looks like one of those anime trap stereotypes. You know the type: soft, delicate features, kinda feminine look. But it's the whole package: the short hair, the cute eyes, the stupidly smooth skin. It's like the devs wanted to bait people into thinking they were looking at a girl, and then... boom, they drop that he's the "hero" in the story. Hah. If this guy's the hero, I'm... I don't even know anymore.

Wait, hold on. I remember when I first saw Dumbuto in-game. His long golden hair was styled in that ridiculous, overly-fluffy way. And his big blue eyes? Jesus. They looked like they were pulled straight out of some shoujo manga. I honestly thought I was gonna be forced to watch him flail around and pretend to be a big shot with that weird electric aura around him. He looked like he was about to faint every time someone sneezed near him. Was this supposed to be a hero or...?

I burst out laughing. No, no way. No freakin' way. Dumbuto... the "hero"? But wait. Wait, hold on a second.

"Wait a minute," I say out loud, completely losing it. "Is Dumbuto... actually the heroine?!" I start laughing so hard I nearly spit out my tea. "Nooo, that's not possible, right? He's gotta be the hero, right? No... wait, seriously? Is he? Or maybe... he's not?"

I slam my hand on the table, realizing something with a sickening twist in my gut. "Oh god, what is this game turning into?" But then I shake it off. No, no, I'm not gonna think about that. Not today.

Oh god, but wait. It hit me like a damn thunderbolt. Dumbuto might actually be the heroine. I mean, look at him: delicate features, too-pretty-for-his-own-good face, and that weird, soft voice that makes him sound like he's about to faint if someone looks at him funny. And then there's the whole "legendary Thunder Sage" thing. Is that a joke? Are we sure Dumbuto isn't the one who needs saving instead of being the one doing the saving?

"Nooooo way," I mumble to myself. I can't deal with this. Dumbuto? Heroine? Nahhh, not today.

I just collapse into the chair, slouching and staring at the ceiling. The developers are having a laugh at my expense, aren't they? This whole world is just one big joke.

Sighing, I look around at the overly-muscular maids again, roll my eyes, and finish off my tea. They're probably some player's fantasy, but not mine.

This whole damn world is a disaster and I'm probably the idiot who's stuck in it.

---

So, I'm sitting there, barely holding it together after everything that's happened. I'm trying to forget about Dumbuto, the trap hero, and how he might actually be the heroine or whatever twisted reality this world is throwing at me.

Then... suddenly... DING!

A loud, obnoxious quest notification pops up right in front of my face. It flashes like a neon sign and nearly gives me a heart attack.

[Quest Unlocked: HERO'S SECRET TO HIS BEST FRIEND]

[Reward: 1000 Gold]

[Level Difficulty: EXTREME]

"Wait, what?!" I choke on my tea. The word "EXTREME" practically screams in my face. I'm just staring at the notification like it's some kind of sick joke. No way, not today, man.

Before I can even comprehend what's going on, I inhale too sharply, and—cough, cough, cough—tea is everywhere. I'm gagging, sputtering, my throat burning. I look up, and—of course—there's a whole bunch of muscular maids, casually carrying tables with one hand and juggling some random objects, all in the background like it's totally normal. I blink a few times, unsure if I'm hallucinating.

Okay, okay, I think, rubbing my throat, I'm just losing my mind here. But the thing is, my brain can't even focus on the chaos in front of me because this quest is just... too much.

As I recover from my tea disaster, I hear the door swing open, and there, standing in all his absurd glory, is Dumbuto—I mean, Haruto, the so-called hero. He walks in like he owns the place, his golden hair gleaming and that stupid "heroic" look on his face.

"Jin," he says seriously, staring me down, "Why did you run away?"

I freeze, almost choking on my own spit this time. "What the hell, Haruto?!" I sputter, raising an eyebrow. "Isn't it obvious? I'm trying to get away from you and your ridiculous quests!"

But Haruto, like the drama queen he is, just ignores my sarcasm and looks all... mysterious. Yeah, I'm rolling my eyes right now. This guy has to be the least heroic person ever. I mean, seriously?

"No, Jin," he says with that deep, serious voice. "I need to tell you something. Something important. You're my best friend... and I've never had anyone to share this burden with, not until yesterday. I think it's time... for you to know the truth."

What? I blink.

"Wait, what?" I squint at him, genuinely confused. "What secret? What burden? Are you telling me you've been holding out on me this whole time?"

And just when I think I'm about to lose my mind over this whole situation, Haruto drops the bombshell. He leans in closer, his serious expression not cracking for a second, and just as he's about to speak...

DING!

Another quest notification pops up. This time, it's blinking so fast, I'm starting to feel like I'm in a game.

[HERO'S SECRET TO HIS BEST FRIEND]

[Reward: 1000 Gold]

[Level Difficulty: EXTREME]

I laugh bitterly. "Oh, great. More 'extreme' nonsense. Seriously, this is the kind of thing that'll probably kill me."

Haruto just keeps staring at me, and I swear, I can feel the weight of whatever ridiculous thing he's about to say next.

So, I stand up, staring at him with as much confusion as possible. "Okay, Haruto... spit it out. What's this big secret? What's the burden? And why do I need to know?"

Haruto takes a deep breath, then... DRAMATIC PAUSE.

"I..." He stares me down with his anime trap face. "I need you to..."

But then, just before he can drop the big reveal, the screen goes black.

And I swear, I hear a distant scream in the background, and some random maid yells, "ONE MORE TABLE FOR THE JUGGLING ACT, PLEASE!"

I can't even handle this anymore.

To be continued...