"Wait... I'm a Baby Again?!"

"Celestial Cataclysm: Final Judgement Slash—!!!"

With a final, devastating swing of his sword, Ryukard Blackfyre unleashed his ultimate attack. Blades of divine light clashed against the endless void, ripping apart space itself as his blade struck deep into the heart of darkness.

"Gruhh… Ahh…!" The Void Emperor Zephiroth, the feared ruler of darkness, coughed up black blood as his body crumbled into the abyss. Yet, instead of rage or regret, he flashed a cheeky grin.

"Heh… That was fun… Fighting you to the death, hero."

Ryukard, barely standing, grinned back through his exhaustion. "Yeah… Gotta admit, that was exciting."

Zephiroth smirked, his form fading into nothingness. "Let's meet again in Hell, buddy."

Ryukard puffed out his chest. "Hah! Speak for yourself! I'm heading straight to Heaven!"

For a moment, there was silence… Then—

"Pffft—Hahahaha!"

Both warriors burst into laughter, even as their bodies crumbled into dust. The fearsome Demon King and the legendary Hero—two sworn enemies—died like a couple of idiots, laughing together as the world faded to black.

....

As my soul drifted out of my body, the world around me faded into a peaceful white void. And then—

A staircase.

A long, bright white staircase, stretching endlessly into the sky.

"Ahhh… is this it?" I took a deep breath, feeling lighter than ever. "Heaven! The sacred land! The final destination!"

I started humming a tune as I climbed.

"La la la~! Open the door, heavenly Heaven door! Hehehe, finally, I can rest in peace!"

But just as I reached out to knock—

"Oi! Look here!"

A voice snapped me out of my moment.

"Huh?" I blinked and turned my head to the right.

"Oi oi, hero! Down here!"

Confused, I looked down—and saw…

A small, tiny, absurdly short girl.

Like, seven years old max.

She had fluffy silver hair, bright golden eyes, and wore a white robe that was way too oversized for her. She looked like some lost child at a festival.

"Eh? Are you lost?" I tilted my head. "No, wait…" sniffles "You poor thing! You died so early! Waaaahhh!!"

I fake-cried dramatically, wiping imaginary tears from my eyes.

And then—

BONK!

"Ouch!"

She chopped me on the head!

"I AM NOT A KID!" she puffed up her cheeks. "I am the great Goddess Astraia! Goddess of Reincarnation! Humph!!"

"Eh?" I blinked. "Who? Who?"

Wait… a goddess?

My mind instantly formed the perfect image—a beautiful divine lady with a mature figure, shining with celestial radiance, her robes flowing elegantly, her—

SLAP!

Astraia smacked me across the face.

"I said I'm a Goddess! Goddess Astraia! Goddess of Reincarnation!"

I turned back to her, staring wide-eyed at her tiny, pouty face.

And then…

"Pfft—Hahaha!!"

I burst into laughter, clutching my stomach. "You? A Goddess?! Bwahahaha!!"

ZAP!

"GRUAAHHH!!!"

A sudden bolt of lightning struck me out of nowhere!

For a moment, I actually saw my soul leave my soul—

"WAIT, NO! GET BACK IN!"

I panicked and swallowed it back like slurping noodles.

"Gulp."

I blinked. "Ah… I'm back."

Still twitching from the shock, I immediately dropped to my knees.

"OHH, MY GODDESS! PLEASE FORGIVE THIS LOWLY FOOL!"

I bowed so hard my forehead nearly hit the glowing floor.

"I FAILED TO RECOGNIZE YOUR HOLY PRESENCE! TRULY, I AM UNWOR—pfft, HAHAHAHAHA!!!"

I tried to hold it in.

I really did.

But the absurdity of the situation broke me all over again.

ZAP!!

"AAAGGHHH!!"

I convulsed as Astraia shocked me again.

"SORRY! SORRY!!!"

I slammed my head onto the floor, waving my hands in surrender.

The tiny so-called Goddess crossed her arms and huffed proudly.

"Hmph! That's better!"

Then she suddenly cleared her throat, standing on her tiptoes to look more intimidating.

"Now… coming to the point!" she said, her tiny voice trying to sound serious.

"So, Ryukard Blackfyre!" she declared.

"YES!" I shouted back, standing at attention like a soldier.

Of course, I did. Who wants another lightning shock that makes your soul's soul leave your soul?!

Astraia nodded smugly, crossing her tiny arms.

"Hmph! You should be honored! You're about to be blessed by me!"

"Yes! I'm really honored!" I responded immediately.

(As long as I get into heaven...)

Astraia grinned. "You will get a chance to be reincarnated in any world you wish, with any powers, status, or being you want to live as!"

"...I'm really hono—EH???"

My brain short-circuited mid-sentence.

"W-Wha… WHAT?! WHY?! WHY?! I DEFEATED THE DEMON KING!"

I was supposed to be in heaven, sipping divine wine, not… this!!

My voice cracked as I pointed at her. "Shouldn't I already be IN HEAVEN?!?!"

Astraia tilted her tiny head, arms crossed, looking down at me like I was some lowly insect.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" she said.

I felt a vein pop on my forehead. "WHY CAN'T I ENTER HEAVEN?!" I demanded.

Astraia blinked. "Ehh? What do you mean why?"

Then, with the smuggest expression ever, she said, "You can't because you're not worthy! Isn't that obvious?"

"HUH?! NOT WORTHY?! I FREAKING KILLED THE DEMON KING AND FREED THE WORLD FROM HIS DARKNESS!!"

I threw my arms up, voice echoing in the heavens.

Astraia simply nodded and snapped her fingers.

POOF

Out of nowhere, she magically pulled out a huge book—its title glowing "Ryukard's Life Records"—and suddenly, she was wearing stupidly round glasses like some strict librarian.

"Oh yeah, you did!" she said, flipping through pages.

"Let's see… you killed 257,307 demons…"

I nodded proudly.

"Made 238,930 lame jokes…"

I froze.

"Stared at female demons like a creep 108,930 times…"

My soul nearly left my soul again.

"And you peeked on Elf wome—"

"STOPPPPPP!!! STOP RIGHT THERE!!!" I shouted, face burning with embarrassment.

I lunged at the book, trying to shut it, but she floated out of reach, giggling like a mischievous little devil.

Astraia leaned forward with a grin. "So, you get why you can't enter heaven now?"

Her eyes sparkled like she was having the time of her life.

I stared at her. Emotionless. Lifeless.

Then suddenly—

PFTTT… Hahahahahaha!!!

A loud, echoing laugh boomed from below.

I instinctively looked down—towards hell.

There, lounging like a king in a sea of flames, was none other than Demon King, Void Emperor Zephiroth.

The guy was kicking back, surrounded by his all-dead, all-female demon wives, each of them fawning over him while he pointed directly at me, laughing like a maniac.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HERO! LOOK WHERE YOU ENDED UP! HAAHHAHAAHAHAA!!"

I turned my gaze back to Astraia, my face completely blank.

With zero emotion, I asked, "Oi. Why is he having so much fun down there?"

Astraia blinked. "Eh? What do you mean? He's in hell!"

I slowly pointed down. "Yeah. But why is he partying and not being reincarnated?"

Astraia gave me the smuggest look in existence.

"Because, unlike some hero, he committed ALL the evil things necessary to enter hell."

I felt something pierce my soul.

Not an actual weapon.

No, something far worse.

An imaginary arrow of her words stabbed me right in the heart.

"Gahhh!!!" I clutched my chest dramatically, falling to my knees.

"So! Have you decided where you wanna get reincarnated?" Astraia asked, tilting her head with an innocent smile.

I sniffled. Tears welled up in my eyes.

"But... But I wanna go to heaven and rest in peace…"

I clung onto her robe like a 2-year-old crying for his mom to take him to the park.

Astraia sighed, completely ignoring my suffering.

"What are you saying? Look here!"

With a snap of her fingers, several floating magical flyers appeared before me, each one glowing with different colors.

She pointed at one. "This! Tromina! A world full of warriors!"

Then another. "And this! Rumiorra Nivesry! A world filled with monster hunters!"

Her hand hovered over a third flyer. "And this... Earth. A world full of... Ehh... Um... just ordinary humans. Ah, forget this one."

She crumpled it up like trash and tossed it over her shoulder.

I blinked. "Oi, wait, hold on—"

"Oh! Look at thi—"

"STOP!" I shouted.

I glared at her. "I would rather fight Void Emperor Zephiroth again than live through childhood again!"

Astraia's eyes sparkled. Her lips curled into a wide grin.

"Oh! Great idea! Off you go!"

She clapped her hands, a strange magic circle appeared beneath me, and before I could even react—

S H O V E

"Eh? WAIT—WAI—"

F W O O S H

Darkness. Weightlessness.

Then suddenly—

"WAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

…

Wait.

That voice.

Why does it sound so—

"WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

No. No no no no no—

I tried to scream but all that came out was more crying.

My vision adjusted.

Bright lights. A giant lady. A weird doctor. A rough cloth wrapping around my tiny body.

I looked down.

Why… Why are my arms so stubby?!

I turned my head to see a nurse smiling down at me.

"Oh, what a healthy baby boy!"

Wait... I'M A BABY AGAIN?!?