"Curse You, Akito Kurogane!"

Ahh, my first step to living a short, peaceful life is already ruined by the gods!

Aqua gave me 100,000 water element power, and the other gods? Yeah, they didn't hold back either!

God of Fire? "Here, have flames so strong they could roast a dragon in one second!"

God of Earth? "Enjoy rock-hard defense that could make mountains jealous!"

God of Light? "Oh, you don't want to live long? Too bad, here's eternal youth!"

God of Wind? "Who needs teleportation when you can run faster than a hurricane?"

God of Nature? "Have infinite vitality! You'll never get sick or injured!"

God of Spirit? "You can talk to spirits now! Even the dead ones!"

…JUST WHO ASKED FOR THIS?!

I wanted a normal, short human life! Not to become some divine cheat character again! Sigh… It's fine, it's fine. Maybe if I live quietly, I won't attract attention… yeah, let's go with that.

Now that we're home, Mom is busy preparing dinner, and Dad is telling some knight stories at the table. Meanwhile, I—the "legendary hero" Ryukard Blackfyre—am sitting in a crib, trapped like a royal prisoner.

I need a plan. A foolproof way to avoid hero duties, dodge divine interventions, and just… live like a regular human.

…Wait. Is that even possible anymore?

Alright, alright, think, Ryukard, think!

Step one to my peaceful, short life—act weak, scared, and useless. If I do that, Dad won't drag me to the adventurer's guild the moment I turn five and throw me into the wild like last time! The guy runs the biggest guild in town—he literally forced me to form my own party as a toddler and sent me off to hunt slimes like it was some kind of baby playdate!

No way I'm letting that happen again.

But… wait.

If I don't form my own party, I won't meet Sylphiy.

Oh no.

My elf party member with big brea— uhm, big magical potential! Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. I totally didn't spend my past life getting smacked by her staff for being "creepy."

This time, I'll meet her as a proper gentleman! A refined, respectable, and absolutely non-suspicious human being!

…But if I act too weak, Dad's gonna disown me, and if I act too strong, I'll get dragged into hero nonsense again.

Ugh, why is life so complicated?!

I groaned, flopping backward in my crib. What do I even do for now? I can't walk, I can't cast magic until I turn three, and I'm stuck in this weak human body!

Humans are so useless compared to elves!

What am I supposed to do until then? Once I turn three, I'll master all the magic I had in my previous 300-year-long life in no time! So what's the plan until then?

…Oh! Idea!

Astraia! Astraia!

Poof!

She appeared instantly, floating in the air, still in her tiny, eyeball-sized form.

"What is it, Ryukard—Ryuk!" she huffed, acting all busy as she scribbled something in her book.

I narrowed my eyes. "I wanted to know… what happens if I don't become a hero? Like… who's gonna defeat Void Emperor Zephiroth if the hero never becomes the hero?"

The moment I said that, Astraia froze.

"Huh? The hero? W-Well, t-tha… that's…" She started stuttering, her eyes darting around suspiciously.

…OI.

WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME?!

"I-I'm not hiding anything!" she blurted out, but her awkward smile and the sweat running down her face screamed otherwise.

She's lying.

SHE'S TOTALLY LYING.

"Oi, cut it out. Your face is betraying you," I deadpanned.

Astraia hesitated before finally sighing. Then, with a nervous laugh, she said, "You see, Ryuk… the hero was never supposed to be you. Thee hee!"

…HUH?

…HUHHHHH?!

"What do you mean it wasn't me?!"

Astraia twirled a lock of her hair, looking everywhere except at me. "W-Well, you see… When Void Emperor Zephiroth got too strong, I was given the job of bringing a brave soul from another world and reincarnating him as the hero."

Okay, so far, this sounds normal to me.

"…Buuuut, I kinda messed up."

…Huh?

"I, uh… accidentally reincarnated him into another world. Not this one."

…EXCUSE ME?!

"Yeahhh, remember that Flayer of Worlds I crumbled and tossed away? He got reincarnated on that world. A world called Earth. As a normal human. And now he's… um…"

She cleared her throat awkwardly.

"…He's writing novels under his pen name, Akito Kurogane."

…

.....

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

"Then WHY did I become the hero?! Why did I get overpowered?! And WHY the hell did I drink that divine regeneration raindrop?!"

Astraia fidgeted like a guilty child caught stealing cookies. "Eh… uhm… You see, I kinda… begged all the gods to help me fix this mess and, uh, save the world?"

She clapped her tiny hands together with a thee-hee smile, clearly trying to look cute and innocent. "A-And they all agreed! But at that exact moment, your soul was about to be born in this world, so we, um… blessed you!!"

…

BLESSED ME?!

"YOU GODS FREAKING DUMPED YOUR MESS ON ME AND CALLED IT A BLESSING!!!"

I dramatically threw my baby blanket over my head like a depressed ghost. This was beyond betrayal.

Meanwhile, Astraia just floated there, whistling like a suspicious criminal trying to act natural.

I peeked out from under my blanket. "You expect me to clean up this divine disaster again?!"

She hesitated. "Uh… yes?"

OH COME ON!

"Curse you all! CURSE YOU, AKITO KUROGANE!!!"

Somewhere in another world, a random Japanese guy sneezed violently while writing his novel.