"Eternis: A Month of Love… And Unavoidable Trauma"

Alright, deep breaths. My "Hide Forever" plan is still on track.

Two years down. Just one more year until I unlock magic, and then I can finally start Phase 2: Secret Training

…But seriously, how the hell did I survive this long?

First off, teething. No one told me my own mouth would turn against me. Every day is just pain, drool, and an uncontrollable urge to bite anything within range. I have zero control over my own jaw. If I ever randomly bite my own tongue and die, let it be known that it was a betrayal from within.

Then there's Mother. The Cuddle Demon. The Affection Overlord. Her hugs? Inescapable. Her kisses? Infinite. Her energy? Illegal. I am convinced that if she had the option, she would physically merge me into her being just to keep me close forever.

And don't even get me started on Father. The Battle Lunatic. The Human Catapult. His idea of "playing" is to hurl me into the air and hope gravity remembers to return me. At this point, I am less of a baby, more of an experimental projectile. I swear, one day he's gonna overshoot and send me into orbit. If I wasn't blessed by literal gods, my life expectancy would've been in negative.

Honestly, thinking back to my past life… I must have had some protagonist-tier plot armor to have made it this far.

For now, I just have to stay undercover. No skills. No weird movements. Just perfect, clueless baby behavior. Play dumb, stay safe, and pray I don't get thrown like a javelin again.

…Though, knowing this chaotic family, my days of peaceful baby life are numbered.

"Where is my lovely Ryuk?!" Mother's overly energetic voice rang through the house.

Oh no. Here we go again…

Before I could even consider an escape route, she snatched me up, squeezing me against her like a plush toy. My face? Buried straight into her chest.

"My lovely-dovely Ryuk! You missed your mommy, didn't you?!"

"NO. You were literally gone for ten minutes!"

"Ehh? Don't be shy~!" She giggled and squeezed me even tighter, burying me further into the abyss.

"Mphhh… Mphhh… I… I can't breathe!!!" I tapped frantically on her back, trying to signal my distress.

"Tee-hee~!" She finally let go, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Sorry, baby! I can't help it! You're just soooo cute!!!"

Oh no. Here comes the rapid-fire kiss barrage…

Before I could even recover, she attacked. Cheek after cheek, peck after peck—until my entire face was drenched in motherly affection and saliva.

I swear, I was a legendary hero in my past life… How did I end up like this?!

But wait… Mom looks way too excited today. I mean, she's always like this, but today it feels… extra.

Oh. Oh no. It's Eternis, the month of romance. And today is Loveris Eve.

Loveris Eve—a day of love and devotion where lovers and couples go all out, exchanging heartfelt gifts and sharing a special night together.

And if I remember correctly… Over in Aurealis, I became a big brother.

Welp. That means I should go to sleep early and stay out of Mom and Dad's way. No way am I getting caught up in whatever weirdly intense romance energy is floating around today.

…I just hope that battle maniac Dad hasn't completely forgotten about Loveris Eve while drowning himself in guild work. Otherwise…

Yeah. I don't even want to imagine Mom's reaction.

Ah, I'll start preparing dinner!" She kissed me again—seriously, how much affection does she have stored?!—before finally letting my cheeks go. "Your father will be home soon! I gotta make lots of his favorite dishes!"

She practically skipped into the kitchen, humming excitedly as she began preparing dinner.

Yeah… maybe I should just quietly exist tonight. No sudden movements. No unnecessary attention. Just a peaceful, non-disruptive baby…

I slowly turned toward my usual safe spot—my crib—

And so, I did what I did best—pretend to sleep. A foolproof strategy for avoiding unnecessary chaos.

…Or so I thought.

Even with my eyes shut tight, their Loveris Eve night echoed through the house… I realized Dad is a real beast after all.

I wish I was deaf.