chapter 16: the weight of silence

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The rain began to fall in soft, steady sheets, the kind of rain that didn't seem to have an end. It coated the world in a greyish haze, blurring the edges of reality, making everything feel distant and intangible. Kaori stood by the window, her eyes tracing the water droplets that ran down the glass in uneven paths, as if each drop carried a different thought, a different memory. The world outside was quiet, save for the sound of rain and the occasional rumble of thunder. But within her, there was no peace. There was only silence, an oppressive silence that wrapped around her like a shroud.

Shun had left hours ago, after the conversation in the park. He had offered her more than just his words—he had offered her his unwavering support. But Kaori wasn't sure if that was enough. She wasn't sure if she could move past the invisible walls that surrounded her heart, walls that had been built brick by brick, layer after layer, over the years. They had been built to protect her, to keep her from feeling the full weight of her grief, but now they were suffocating her, keeping her from breathing.

It had been weeks since Ryo had died. Weeks since everything had changed. And yet, it still felt like it had happened yesterday. The pain hadn't dulled. It hadn't softened. It was still fresh, still raw, still tearing at the edges of her soul.

Kaori closed her eyes and exhaled slowly, the heaviness of the air in the room pressing down on her chest. She tried to push the memories away—tried to shut them out—but they always came rushing back, uninvited, relentless.

The sound of footsteps behind her broke her from her thoughts. She turned, surprised to see her mother standing in the doorway, her face drawn with concern.

"Kaori… you haven't been out of your room all day," her mother said gently, her voice a soft whisper that seemed to hang in the air. "You're not eating, you're not sleeping... What's going on, sweetie?"

Kaori didn't answer right away. She wanted to say something—anything—but the words wouldn't come. The silence between them felt thick, like a wall that neither of them could break down.

"I'm fine, Mom," Kaori finally replied, her voice sounding hollow even to her own ears. She forced a smile, but it felt fake, as if it wasn't even her own face she was making. "Just… tired. I'll be okay."

Her mother stepped closer, her gaze softening with the kind of understanding only a parent could offer. "Kaori," she said quietly, "I know you're hurting. I know this has been hard on you, but you don't have to carry this alone. You don't have to lock yourself away from the world."

Kaori's chest tightened, and she fought the rising lump in her throat. "I'm not locking myself away," she whispered, though the words felt like a lie. "I just… I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to stop feeling like this. Like I'm drowning."

Her mother's face softened, and she took a few steps forward until she was standing beside her. She reached out, her hand resting gently on Kaori's shoulder, the warmth of her touch a stark contrast to the cold emptiness Kaori felt inside.

"You don't have to figure everything out right now," her mother said, her voice steady and comforting. "Grief isn't something that has a timeline. It doesn't have a deadline. It takes time, Kaori. And you don't have to rush it."

Kaori felt the tears threaten to spill over, but she fought them back. She wasn't ready to cry again. She wasn't ready to face the depths of her sorrow, the loss that seemed to have swallowed her whole. Not yet.

"I miss him, Mom," Kaori said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I miss him so much. Every second, it feels like I can't breathe without him. And I don't know how to keep going without him. I don't know what to do."

Her mother's hand tightened on her shoulder, and for a moment, Kaori allowed herself to lean into it, to let herself be comforted. It was brief, though, before the walls around her heart solidified again, keeping her from truly letting go. She couldn't let herself be vulnerable. Not yet.

"You will," her mother said softly. "You will keep going. You don't have to have all the answers right now. But you will find your way."

Kaori nodded, though she wasn't sure if she believed it. She wasn't sure if she could ever believe it.

The rain outside grew heavier, the steady rhythm of it tapping against the windowpane like a haunting lullaby. And Kaori, standing in the midst of it all, felt as though she were drowning in that lullaby—sinking deeper and deeper into the waves of sorrow and regret, unable to escape.

She didn't know how to stop loving Ryo. She didn't know how to let go. And maybe, just maybe, that was the hardest part of all.

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Later that night, after dinner, Kaori sat in her room once more, the silence enveloping her like a blanket. Her mother had insisted she eat, and she had, but it hadn't helped. Nothing helped.

The memories of Ryo, the way he had smiled at her, the way his laugh had filled the room like music, were so vivid in her mind, they almost seemed real again. If she closed her eyes, she could still hear him, feel the warmth of his touch, taste the sweetness of his love. It was like he was still there, just out of reach.

She reached for her phone, her fingers trembling as she unlocked it. She hadn't been able to bring herself to delete his number, to erase him from her contacts. Not yet. But now, as her fingers hovered over the screen, she felt the urge to reach out, to send him a message, to hear his voice one last time.

But she knew it was impossible. He was gone. And she would never hear from him again.

Instead, she opened his last text to her, the one he had sent the night before everything had changed.

"I love you, Kaori. I'll always be with you, even when I'm not there. Promise me you'll keep going, no matter what."

The tears finally came then, falling freely as Kaori sank to the floor, clutching her phone to her chest.

He had promised. And now, she was the one who had to keep going. But how could she? How could she live without him when he was the reason she had found the will to live in the first place?

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End of Chapter 16.