Between Duty and Desire

FREYA

“What do you mean?” I whispered, my voice barely audible.

How could I stop seeing Adrien? My heart lurched, and the thought of never seeing him again sent a wave of panic through me.

Father lifted my chin, his eyes were filled with an odd mixture of love and concern. “You have to understand, little one, the King isn't the one for you.” He sighed. “I've seen a side of him that worries me. He's a good man, but there are things that could put you in danger. It is for your good.”

I wasn't convinced it was for my good, and I couldn't imagine what my father had against him. Adrien was very gentle with me.

“But he's the King, you can't tell him what to do.” I countered, freeing my face from his grasp, frustration was lacing my words.

Father combed his fingers through my white hair in that gesture that was now far from soothing.

“Just agree to it, Freya and I'll make him cease.” He drew me close to him again murmuring into my hair. “Freya, I want your happiness above all else, and I want to protect you.”

I shook my head vehemently. “You're wrong, Father. Adrien makes me happy. I'm happier than I've been in a long time so please do not try to take it away from me.” I whispered, urging him to see the desperation in my eyes.

“Freya, NO!” Father's voice thundered. “I am your father, Freya, and you will obey me!” His words cut through the air, echoing in the tense silence that followed.

The room was shrouded in the tense silence after his outburst and I turned my attention to the chair we sat on, picking at its knitted covering. Father never raised his voice when speaking and I couldn't fathom where this was coming from.

“Freya,” He sounded drained and my name had undernotes of pleading weaved into it.

I stood, shaking my head. I couldn't, I wouldn't, and leaving Father sitting alone, I left for my room. I heard his loud, weary sigh behind me.

The tension between me and my father remained for long after that day, casting a shadow over our home. I avoided him as much as I could, each encounter unbearable. It saddened me deeply and to make matters worse, Adrien's visits ceased abruptly. Each day was worse than its predecessor. I suspected that my father had a hand in it, but with no proof, I couldn't know for sure.

It only served to heighten the already present tension.

Most of my time was spent in my room, I refused to see anyone apart from Hella. I had no one to confide in. Also, my little sister wasn't grown enough to understand the plight of a woman stuck in the unforgiving end of unrequited love.

She was good company anyway.

Hella and I were playing cards on a sunny afternoon when we heard a knock, and the door was opened. It was Helena, occupying the door frame.

“May I come in?” She asked with a gentle smile, as she stepped into the room.

Mom died seven years ago, and Dad married Helena two years later. Since Mom was already a demon, she was reincarnated somewhere else. Every day, I prayed and hoped for her happiness wherever she was.

I wasn't very close with Helena, but I liked and respected her a lot. She’d helped my father move on and was a mother figure to me and Hella.

“Hella, I need to speak to your sister for a while, would you give us a moment?” She rubbed the little girl's white hair.

“I never get to hear the important things.” Hella dropped her cards and stomped out of the room, eliciting laughter from Helena and me.

As Hella left, Helena turned to me, diving straight to the reason she had come.

“You have to understand your father, Freya.” she began, her voice calm and soothing. “He only wants what is best for you, you know he loves you.”

I exhaled sharply and buried my face in a pillow.

Helena swiftly grabbed the pillow from my hands and continued speaking. “You are a grown woman, and no one can dictate your feelings to you, but try to understand him.”

“I do not understand it,” I mumbled. “What could he possibly have against Adrien, he could at least tell me.”

“Perhaps one day, when you have daughters of your own, you will understand why he is so protective of you.” She chuckled lightly cradling my face in her hands.

“Now you are going to make up with your father, you both are too hard-headed, and I am ready to be done with this war.”

I went into her arms and she held me for a while in her embrace. She was perfect at this, I couldn't wait for her to have babies of her own.

A month later, Helena and I were making preparations for a ball when a maid came with news of a guest. I knew it was Adrien, and I looked to Helena. Her lips curved in a smile, giving her permission to go.

Adrien was in the stables, and I hurried to meet him, my heart dancing a relentless beat in my chest; I paused only for a moment to look into the mirror.

He was standing beside Maya, holding a little basket and waiting for me. He smiled as soon as his gaze landed on me and my heart skipped a dangerous beat. He was dressed for riding today and looked utterly tempting with his windblown hair. I cautioned my feet against running to him for I so badly wanted to do that.

“Hello, Freya.” He said when I reached him.

“Hello, Adrien,” I answered curtly and rubbed Maya's mane to say hello too. The mare was happy to see me.

He shook his basket in my face, a happy smile gracing his face. “Let's have a picnic today.”

“Okay.” My face was a mask of indifference.

He put me on Maya, before climbing up behind me, his warmth enveloping me. I held the basket while he held the reins, directing the animal. I sat as stiffly as I could while we rode into the forest.

We soon found a spot, and we got down from Maya, him easily lifting my body as usual. His hands never strayed past my waist, and on most days, I wished they would.

He left her free to graze around and collected the basket from my hands, he then laid a woolen blanket and set up the snack platter. I would have found the whole arrangement charming if I weren't so angry at him.

I sat pristinely, tucking my legs under my gown.

“Is there a reason why you're not speaking to me, Snow?” Adrien queried, seemingly perplexed, and it fueled the anger bubbling inside me.

Weeks of worry and doubt boiled over.

“How dare you disappear for so long and reappear like it's nothing?” I snapped, my voice trembling with the intensity of my emotions.

His eyes widened in surprise, confusion clouding his blue gaze.

I couldn't stop, “what is it, aren't I breathtaking anymore?” I mimicked, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Or did my father say something to you?” I prayed to the gods that it was the latter.

That, I could take.

“Freya, no…” he was starting to say; I didn't let him finish his words.

“Do you know the thoughts I've had?” My voice echoed through the trees around us, “I wondered if I had done something wrong, and now you show up with a picnic?” I scoffed and turned away from him, barely seeing through my rage.

He was quiet after my outburst, so I silently wondered if I had overstepped; he was the King still, and he could dispose of me in an instant.

I slowly turned to see, and to my surprise, a rather beautiful smile was gracing his face. I answered his smile with a frown of mine.

“We can both agree that you missed me then, Snow?” He murmured, that smile maturing into a full grin.

“Arrrgggggg,” I screamed and attempted to stand; I was boiling with a fury that threatened to spill over, but catching me with one powerful hand, Adrien pulled me back to him. I landed right on his chest, his face now distractingly close to mine.

Our blue gazes clashed, his deep blue hues against my ocean blue ones, and every other thing faded away into nothingness. I stared, enthralled and unable to do anything else.

“Did you miss me, Snow?” Adrien asked again, his minty breath whispering across my face. I could only nod slowly, held in a spell he'd cast upon me.

“I've missed you too.” He murmured and joined his lips to mine. The kiss was sweet but was over in an instant, and its after-effects left me reeling. Adrien righted my body and set me down in front of him.

I sat quietly, unable to comprehend what had happened. His lips were soft and luscious, but the kiss was so short.

I wanted more of it.

A warm palm caressed my face. “I am sorry, Freya. I was away on official duties during the last month.” He explained, “But you occupied every waking thought of mine, and I could not wait to get back to you.”

The breeze picked up speed, and the smell of lilies filled the air. It was spring and a field full of full-blown flowers was close by. The breeze teased our noses with the sweet smell and whipped my hair around briefly.

I stared at the enigma sitting in front of me. Was it true? Was it a lie?

“Can you not see it, Snow, can you not see how obsessed I am with you?” His thumb rubbed a circle on my skin, and I leaned into his touch. “I love you, Freya Bale.” He stated, touching his forehead to mine and joy unadulterated, sang in my heart, the objective part of me doing nothing to stop it.

How I had longed to hear those same words and somehow, I knew he was not lying to me.

“I think I love you too,” I whispered back, my voice soft and full of the truth I had been holding back. A happy smile broke across his face, and he leaned in, closing the tiny distance between our lips.

My eyelids fluttered shut.

The kiss didn't stop at a peck this time, and his lips gently caressed my own, persuading me, asking permission, which I gave into fully and parted my lips.

His tongue invaded my mouth, greedily exploring its depths and learning all its secrets. My senses were flooded with feelings, and a dull ache started within me. Adrien lowered me onto the blanket, kissing me still. His hands roamed the length of my body before resting on my thighs.

“Adrien” I purred between kisses, the sound foreign to my ears, but I couldn't stop. “Adrien please.” I wanted something, but I did not know what it was.

“I know, baby, soon, I promise.” He mumbled back, kissing me still.

Hesitantly, he sat up, pulling my body up as well. He dropped a brief final kiss on my lips and ruffled my hair, before pulling away. I playfully slapped him.

“You're going to have to marry me, Freya Bale.” He declared with a mischievous grin, his eyes twinkling in joy.

I wanted nothing else, but uncertainty for the future lurked behind my newfound happiness. I remembered my father's troubling words and my worry must have been glaring as Adrien picked up on it immediately.

Gently cradling my face again, he asked, “What's wrong?”

“Father has asked me to stay away from you,” I replied, holding his gaze.

“I'll handle Lord Bale, do not worry about it.”

He wasn't fazed by my father's demand. His words were reassuring and gave me the assurance I needed. I nodded, I wasn't prepared to let go of this man, and I wasn't going to let go of my family as well.

“Now, will you marry me, Freya Bale?” He asked, grinning. I hesitated only for a second before leaping into his arms with a loud yes. The force pushed the both of us to the floor, and our resounding laughter mingled with the lily-scented air.

I liked this shade of happiness.

Happiness burst free within me, and my heart felt full as I clung to this man.

But underneath my happiness, the uncertainty remained. This was happening so quickly—too quickly. It was much too soon to marry him; we had shared only a handful of moments, and as much as I wanted to, if Father said I couldn't, then it meant that I couldn't.

Family always came first, and I couldn't ignore the tension this newfound love had brought into my home.

I didn't let that deter my happiness, though; I would fight for what I wanted when the time came.

Adrien and I spent the rest of the afternoon snacking and making each other laugh. Throughout that time, a hint of fear tugged at me. Was it okay to be this happy?

Dalia always said that the happier a person was, the deeper their sadness would be when the object of their happiness was taken away.

And it was always taken away.

I glanced at a laughing Adrien, I fervently hoped that wouldn't be the case for him.