I, Accept

A gust of wind clears the leaves and the land felt sorrow like the

trees dying in thirst for years wanting the rain pour onto them.

 'I never been felt so

guilty, taking someone for granted, from the day when I was born in this forsaken

hell when the day of the reunion of my daring soul happened, I never been felt

so guilty above all else. It's tiresome, to say the least. Part of myself, my

heart convinced the brain to give all up. My dried lips wanted to feel the taste

of happiness once again. I feel frustrated, after all, these frail body makes

me wanted to puke. I felt so--horrible.'

Dreams felt distant only a hollow dream with no imagery of absolute.

He opens his eyes. He was on top of a building, the view was ethereal;

the city bustling with cars and the sun began to set, enlightening of its end

with orange mix with red hue across the sky with the moon present. He was on

the edge of a building, looking down, far way down, the wind caresses him as if

guiding him to what end.

'If time was within my grasped, I would have turn it back, relive the

moment I shared with her. But would it not be better if I do not exist? If one

were not existed, does that mean there is no God? When one is conscious; should

it not be possible and yet one is really living. If that is the case, God is

and was really there, where it be past, present or the future. The one has been

written, the one is currently writing, the one who thinks for the blank page.'

He closes his eyes, feel the wind and the sun caresses him, a gentle one,

then a whisper brushed against his ear and felt a warmth embrace from behind, a

familiar one. "Be happy and live to pursue the truth, my dear Sam.", and he was

shocked and turned around... No one in sight. Only a white feather remains and

it drift away by the wind. He was stunned; he thought that Charlotte just right

behind him. But he knew, that she was gone, she was buried within the earth

itself. "Char?", the breath he produced lies sense of longing and his dried

lips wanting to speak but wish not to confess anything. The feather came back

with the wind came towards him. He takes the feather. He looked back at the

scenery and began to walk away from the end.

 ***

Sir Harold is a politician. He was Married and has two

daughters and a son, the eldest one is his daughter, Emma Dawson. As for the

second, his son, Raphael Dawson. The youngest is Maria Dawson. His wife deceased during the plague that

nearly half of the population has been taken by it.

He has a company called Verdant Table company,

serve as dining and wine industry. It was quite a well-known company and well

respected among other companies. It is being said that: The company established

during "War of the Three countries" as a weapon manufacturer, even so, it would

not last, after 2 years the weapon making were not that good in quality, the

Dawson family bought the company and make it as a family heritage brought from

their farm: a well-known wine at that time. They even gave some of the wines

cheap to the soldiers because of its low alcohol involvement and well fermented

with water rice and yet the taste; they say more like a grape but have a quite

a delightful taste and strong as the martini itself. (I personally not a

drinker, it's just other people's opinion.)

'As I done filing the reports that had been thrown

to me, I rose up from my seat and sighed with relief and walk outside from my

office as I held the reports from earlier. I was thinking about the case of Sir

Harold's offer to investigate yesterday. The thought of losing someone, I can

assure that I will feel sense of overwhelming of anxious state and uncertainty

of loved one is whether alive or not. All I can do is to hope, but all of that

lead me here. Overwhelming of guilt and helplessness, all I can do is to

prevent such kind of these. The case of missing people, the case of suicide,

the case of murder: it all links the same; one's helplessness and got involved

whether if its--.'

Shay was in front of

the vending machine, after like 3 minutes long, he decided not to buy anything

on the vending machine. Shay seemed bothered. I tapped his shoulder.

"Hey, you got a

minute?"

"Sure. What's the gist, mate?"

"An offer, I've requested for a month for my leave. Honestly, I might need that to have some time...This is might be my last case before I get to leave without pay."

"Well, ye did deserve

some rest. But what is this case is all about?"

"Between you and me,

Sir Harold requesting me to investigate his missing daughter."

"The elder one or the younger one?"

"The younger one, Maria Dawson. Today, I'm going to meet Sir Harold at his manor, maybe I'll get some other clues. Only information I have is the date when she departed. 17th

of March, phone died like a week or so; no respond, whether a text or calls, there are none of it."

"So that kid's

missing, eh? It's unusual for you taking case of missing kids."

"She's not a kid, Shay. She's a grown woman. She can think of herself; what is right and wrong.

Therefore, what will she do is her own will.

Plus, the only think I could think

of is—human trafficking or lost in place without her phone or something like a

syndicate. Perhaps, if it was a syndicate or kidnapping, they might want a ransom.

So, we take the two out of the picture. For now, at least. Oh, and Sir Harold said about her having a vacation; about her wanted to relax a bit from her journaling or her writing. That's pretty much the gist of it that I have, for now. He will explain it more today, about the details of her daughter."

"Well, we only have

bits of it, yeah? So, you want me to come with you, mate?"

"Well, I did tell you

about this, just for let you know, if anything happens to me—"

"Woah, woah, mate! Ye aren't dying, will ye? Jeez mate! Calm down. I know ye're in despair, but please, be you, yer confidence as a detective. Act like it was all in yer

hands." He sighed.

"I'm just telling you, what will happen is uncertain. But to tell you the truth, the things that happen, what will happen, is just…I don't really have an idea that can tell or describe

the feelings of it."

"Back at the academy, you scared me, man.

The way you see through people—I thought you were a psychic."

"That is one way to exaggerate a person, Shay. I appreciate your honest words, your eyes showing a resolve that undeniably 'can't let it be a lie' type of your expression shows."

As they walk around the hallway to the Chief's desk, Samuel placed the reports from yesterday.

Chief's desk was a mess but some parts are well-organised. Chief was not here.

Shay told to Samuel that; Chief was settling some heavy cases, mostly about bribery and murders that is getting worsen every month.

Samuel wrote a note at the Chief's desk; "Shay and I will go somewhere. It is an important matter; we might be absent today's meeting and as your order, I have filed my

reports. Hoping you will assess this matter, chief. I hope you well, Chief and thank you for letting me have a leave for a month, I hope I will recover and back to work as always. –Samuel"

'After that, we stepped outside from the police station, the cold air of autumn, the melancholy of the day picturing the streets, leaves of autumn is everywhere. Indeed, it is

beautiful, looked around the place, spacious parking lot with a view of the sky. It's one of the main headquarters in this country.

There are four main headquarters; South Lutzen Police Department, North Myriad Police Department, West Virtue Police Department, and lastly, our biggest pride, East Saint Levant Police Department. It is because our department is near a cathedral.

It was built long before the War of Three Countries.

Thus, the cathedral still standing as it is today, though, it has some structural damage, at least, it's not major that can cause it to collapsed. The architecture almost like Gothic, and the carvings mostly shown a non-human carving motive. Mostly on motive of flowers, rather than showing a human-like figure. And half of the carvings takes 10 years with 30 sculptures each is their own style, some half of it were wood-carved. No one would dare go near that place, some lack of faith, some others think of it as just tourist attraction.

Humans dedicated their life to made a house to worship a God. How faith can lead people do such incredible things, a something to hope for, to not live in regret that is. How

we question about life is meaningful; part of it that what makes it worth living is—to hope that: this world, even if it ends, the judgement for all mankind from God is more important.

To live in Heaven that once Adam and Eve lived together, but in the end, God knows what will happen, what matters is what we decided to do: To grab the apple to be immortal or to ignore the whisper and decide it yourself.

But one expect that life is meaningless, bear no hope left within their hearts, to even reconsider on one's behalf, they longed for someone to drag them away from their demise.

I took too long to realize, but the things I regret, the things that is so-called dreams; it is only a base of fractions of mine, being hopeful is one of my regrets.'

As Samuel drove his

car on its way to Sir Harold's manor, Shay began to question about Charlotte;

about what exactly happened to her. Samuel with exasperated sigh. He replied,

"It was 4 years ago since we met, it was the last semester, to be exact, I know she will be ending up like this; after we married, the conditions of her getting worsen last year.

We thought we had more time, and yet, time is a cruel being. She was in a constant state of dying slowly and she was fighting for her life. Yesterday was…empty and I'm helpless because of it, fate has decided long ago. Only I can do is—to live and continue to pursue the truth, whether would it be a crime

mysteries or mysteries of the world, what is beneath, what is above, I will continue to pursue it; that is her will to me, I…kindly accept it.

But her passing still left me in despair and not wanting it to be true. The death of

her…still…unbearable." He shut his eyes for a moment and continue looking at

the road.

"Sam, I know what kind a man ye are. The man who accepts things as it is. Don't ever let ye gave it all up."

"I know." With a deliberate sighed came out from his lips, wished not to speak any

further. Ending their conversation hanging.

Shay glanced at him and turned, looking outside. He looked at the trees were swaying with such a strong wind present as if storm will be approaching soon, yet it seemed

pleasant enough to not bring such calamity as if it knew, pouring out all the leaves that were nearing its end, the leaves were send by the wind and some others fall to the ground. The road to the manor were in dead silence.

Both of them wished not to speak, Shay felt guilty, maybe he thought Sam was tired and

wanted to rest, but Shay kept it to himself.

***

As Samuel parked his car and the both of them stepped outside, the air was still and the clouds were blocking the sun, some of the clouds escaped and letting the sun showed its rays as if it was suffocating to let go.

Sir Harold's manor; the front yard has a statue of a wine and a rifle.

The rifle was leaning to the wine sculpture.

The manor had some scaffolding and some of the construction workers were wandering around, picking up heavy things and continuing their work.

The manor was an inheritance property from Dawson's family.

The place was in construction because last year's earthquake. It was 5.7 magnitude Richter scale, some cracks present but not particularly can harmed anyone, as long as keep it cautious and some of them will be fixed it in no time.

The butler, Wilfred, stood upright, his hands clasped on his back, with a polite tone and a smile showing off from his face.

"Sir Harold will be coming shortly, he had some business outside the house, I will offer you, gentlemen, a tea for waiting his return. I hope you two enjoy your stay here.

And Sam, it is been a while since we've met, my condolences about your wife's passing."

"It is been a while indeed, Wilfred. How was the progress of rebuilding this?"

"Some parts are still maintained. However, the library does affect by the earthquake, most of the books are still intact. Few of it went missing as if someone took it and ran

away with it."

"Then, is the library still there?"

"It is. Follow me, gentlemen."

As we walked in the hallway, the walls were like cramping us as if it wants to swallow us whole. Wilfred stopped for moment to talked one of the maids to made some tea for us.

We continue on, the sound of our shoes, tapping the floor, the interior still looked the same from my last visit; the greyish tone walls, the lamps in aesthetic of Victorian Era. There are some paintings that are still there but not all of them are there, the living room has a high ceiling and the chandelier still as it was, some custom decorated vase with a pink rose inside.

Shay looked around in awe. He had never seen such a place this grand before, though some part of the manor still in process of rebuilding from its former structure. The sudden ring from his phone broke the silence and as he picked the phone up to see who

called him.

'It was Shay's mother, important person in one's life.'

'A mother was like an angel who cares deeply, and passionately wanting us to lived our lives in peace, though even an angel has it flaws, an obedient thing that would do anything to

sacrifice every essence of their soul, with their power to keep us alive. Though, the hardships their endure was one of the most tragic things, a testament on what love is; an angel so-called 'mother' is one of the most tragic tales.'

"I had to picked this up. I'll catching up soon, Sam."

I nodded and continue with Wilfred's guidance to the library.

"We're here." As Wilfred unlocked the library door, the scent of history lingers in that very room. It felt ancient yet the buzzing sound from a desk lamp break through the dream of the past.

Library was a place that holds a record and person's legacies throughout century; of one's effort wished to speak but unheard by many.

Thus, some of them write with their hearts, with their minds, with their life was on the line.

Inevitability of one's mind was to convey; the emotions and the stories to show.

Throughout history, not many people that can read and write, only the nobles and the royals have such many contents of it.

Some of it might holds a secret of one's

country. But most of all, is how they do not want to let their people read and write. For that, the people have no idea, whether if it's the nobles, royals or any other higher being that were on top, controlling them, either abused their works for the likes of the sake of it or the sake of their unknowing.