CHAPTER 2

Selena was resting against the basin of the bathroom, holding it firmly as the onslaught of queasiness slowly dissipated. She even shut her eyes to stand up straight and take in a lungful of air, to put herself at ease again. Yet, even when she regained her balance, all the other elements around her bore so much weight; it was almost like everything was coming down on her all at once. Within the stillness of her pint-sized house, her heart pounded in her chest; the noise almost reverberated in the silence.For weeks now, she also felt off. The constant feeling of wanting to throw up, the weariness that seemed to be way deeper than her bones, the brief period of vertigo. For that, she had no medical cure since she had simply attributed it to the tension and said it was just a side effect of what she had gone through because of all the drama with Damian. That emotional basket case of a man, just thinking of him brings the rawest of memories back to her heart. She still could hear the wind howling in her ears from the rejection she faced that particular night when her existence came crumbling down.That evening, her heart broke into a million little pieces. The truth was, she did feel empty inside as if someone had cut out a section of her. His words had replayed in her mind endlessly and there was no way to stop the pain that ate away in her. The lightheadedness resurfaced, yanking her back to reality. She fell to the side, saving herself by the wall, and finally let herself indulge the thought that this may not be purely stress after all. Perhaps there was more to it. This time, she can no longer brush it off. She wanted to find out what was going on. Fighting tooth and nail, Selena squashed her discomfort and clutched her bag as it had been quite a while without any support. She left nonetheless, albeit cautiously, starting towards the nearby health centre that she always wore herself out against. She had managed to stave it off until now since she did not want to know the diagnosis. But who was she kidding? She cannot let it go on like that. It was essential for her to find out what was wrong with her. Only a few blocks separated the clinic from her home, but it seemed an eternity for her to walk. The weight of each of her steps was bound to the nauseating anxiety that was eating her inside. The streets appeared more deserted than usual as if the surroundings were entering a state of suspense. By the time she got to the clinic, she felt centuries older than she did just moments ago. The receptionist welcomed her with a smile that was as perfect as a fledgling one could muster, but Selena paid little attention to it.She became accustomed to the motion of drawing up and signing an endless series of documents, while her hands trembled as she wrote her name and other identifying details. In her head, it was as if a film were playing, and she was out of her own body watching, so it was hard to know how it felt. You can do this. Think about it, whatever it is you have become.Within a few minutes, a nurse stood up with a call to her name, showing her the way to a small examination room in the inner parts of the building, situated far away in the clean corridors. Selena automatically positioned herself on the examination bed, where she sat at the edge and laced her fingers in her lap which twisted as she waited for the doctor. With a kind smile, the doctor walked in. He began with a greeting, and then asked about her symptoms, listening patiently as she explained the nausea, the exhaustion, the feeling lightheaded. She then, inwardly, explained to him the overload of stress, the distress, the burden that she had been carrying.The doctor finished digesting the information with a nod. "I understand the stress related to such an event can be physically harmful," he stated. "However, for the sake of being on the safe side, I want to do some tests."Selena continued to nod, hardly paying attention to him. Her head was already filled with a tempest of anxiety, however, she did her best to remain composed and concentrate on him. She did the tests in a fog, her mind wandering back to Damian and the future she had always wanted but could not attain.The wait was interminable. Selena was in the examination room and felt a wave of unease but made active efforts to control her breathing. She had come to the outpatient facility expecting to be told whether she suffered from vitamin deficiency or even dehydration, but with the operation of the hands of the clock, the temperature in her sternum got higher and higher.When the doctor finally came back, he seemed to be composed, but there was something in his eyes that made her heart skip a beat."Selena,' he pronounced starting with a soft tone, "the test results are out," he went on. After a short prayer, he added, "You do not have any health complications. You are expectant."The phrase was too real to be spoken and too distant ever to have been claimed. Selena gaped at him, her jaw half opened as though to say something while the wheels turned in her mind. Pregnant? That was beyond her reach and understanding. She became dizzy with the rush of sensations. "No... I... I cannot be." She fastened onto the examination table's edge in a bid to compose herself as the heat rose to her cheeks at the realisation that dawned on her. She was pregnant and carrying the baby for Damian.Sympathy beamed from the doctor's eyes. "I understand that this may be hard to process," he continued. "You may take a moment and inform us when you want to speak to somebody. It's common to experience a lot of emotions due to news like this." Pregnant.The impact of that single word did crumble every fibre of her being. Images of her history with Damian danced in her mind, all infused with longing and sorrow. For years, she had fantasised about getting to the point where she might have a life with him. But she had never expected it to come to this. She felt the moisture build in her eyes and the construction of her composure be strained as she internalised the hurt which wanted to rise in her.This wasn't how it was supposed to happen, not in a million years. She stared at the appointment slip in her hand, still incapable of moving. On the monitor situated in front of her was a paltry yet thin, black-and-white outline of a living creature. At the picture of a being, thin and frail, little more than a blur, she felt her heart skip. It was there, of course, yet still invisible and not quite a reality as so. Then there was the sound, a quick, persistent pulsating noise resonated within the room, breaking the stillness whilst also synchronising with the loud thunderous sound deep within her chest.She held her breath with difficulty, watching the screen until the final tear slipped down her cheek. The pulse she heard brought her back to desperate reality, vigorous and forceful, reminding her of the life inside of her..Her questions unanswered, she concentrated on the little screen with its tons of images which was now her universe.As a tear fell down her face, she managed to say, quiet and broken, "I have you now."The statement was rather a promise in the unspoken content that settled in her body.