The Kiss That Shouldn’t Have Happened

Ava's face combines uncertainty with something worse betrayal.

Jaxon backs off, his fingers withdrawing from my waist to leave behind a burn I can still feel.

None moves.

None anybody talks.

The weight of what just happened falls over us like a bomb not quite exploded.

Ava's lips split; her brows drawn together. Tell me I did not simply see that.

My throat shuts down. My mind runs wild searching for words—any words—but none of them will help with this.

Because there is no justification for what she merely stumbled across.

Jaxon runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "Ava—,"

Are you really serious? Her voice breaks off his silence. "You and Lena?" asked.

I at last discover my voice. "It is not what you believe."

Even as I say it, it is terrible.

Ava laughs, but nothing humorous about it. Actually, because it resembled you and your brother were depicting rather a hell.

Restlessness.

Jaxon lets out a really strong exhale. "Look; it's—."

Don't. Ava raises a hand and speaks with dangerously sharp voice. "Do not try to minimize this." Her eyes fly to mine. "I believed you, Lena. I advised you to keep your distance from him.

Guilt like a vice tightly around my ribcage.

"Ava, I—that's right,"

"Just don't," She shakes her head with a tense jaw. I had to leave.

Then she turns and leaves without saying another word.

Under his breath, Jaxon curses and pulls a hand down his face.

Shakily, I exhale; heart still pounding from all that just happened.

I say, dryly, "That went well."

Look at Jaxon. "You consider this humorous?"

Clearly not. I shook my head and laughed bitterly. "I consider this to be a freaking disaster."

There is a protracted silence between us.

Quieter Jaxon then asks, "Do you regret it?"

The query strikes more forcefully than it should.

The response should be yes.

I ought to be sorry about this. I ought to wish to undo it.

But I don't.

And the true issue is that.

I turn aside; my voice hardly audible above a whisper. "I'm not sure.".

Jaxon looks at me for a moment, his face incomprehensible.

He sighs then. "I ought to go visit her."

I nod, but my chest stays tense.

Because damage is already done regardless of what he tells her.

I do not straight away go home.

Rather, I find myself seated in my car clutching the steering wheel and repeatedly playing everything over and again.

Ava's face. Her voice carried wounded.

Jaxon's hands on me. He kissed me like he had nothing to lose.

I sigh, then press my forehead on the wheel.

Just what the devil am I doing?

Not me is what this is not.

I not turn on my best pal. I do not act impulsively or carelessly that results in permanent blunders.

Still, I seem to keep making them somehow.

My phone hums in the passenger side seat.

I catch a quick look at the screen.

Jaxon: We should have a conversation.

I sharply inhale.

Then, before I start to obsess over it, I type back: Not tonight.

Since I wouldn't trust myself not to slip another error if I saw him again.

Early morning, the following Ava doesn't send me a text.

I remind myself to give her space, but the guilt consumes me a bit more every hour.

I cannot handle it anymore by midday.

Bracing myself for whatever lies ahead, I drive back to her place.

Her face is cold, distant when she opens the door though.

And I know, this isn't something we can simply change before she even speaks.

Ava crosses her arms. You are here.

I say yes. "Can we discuss??"

She lets me in, then moves aside silently.

Everything we are not stating weighs heavily in the air inside.

Sitting on the couch, my fingers are knotted on my lap. "Ava, I apologies. I had no intention for things to transpire.

Sitting across from me, she gives a hollow chuckle. "Did not intended to? What then, your lips just happened to land on his?

I winced. You know that's not what I intended.

Her jaw shuts. Then, Lena, explain it to me. Because, of all the people, I truly find it incomprehensible that you would find this acceptable.

I have shame coiled in my gut.

I don't know a good response.

In light of the truth?

I knew it was wrong, really. This would hurt her, I knew. And I let it to happen as well.

I let out an exhaled. "I failed."

Ava shakes her head and snorts. Really. You performed.

Stillness stretches.

She then continues, "You could've told me if you had feelings for him, you know," softer, more vulnerable.

I start to swallow hard. "I do not."

Ava's eyes becoming more focused. "Lena."

My chest closes.

Since the lie comes too readily.

And both of us know this.

Leaning back on the couch, Ava sighs and massages her temples. "I have no idea how to approach this."

I waver. "Do what?" asked

"This," said. She points between us. "Pretend like everything is great when it's not."

My throat feels tight. "Ava—"—

She lets out an exhaled. "Okay, I just need some time."

I nod even though the words pain. Good.

Since what else can I do?

I go out feeling less than I should.

The journey home is a blur; my stomach sinks when I pull into my driveway.

Lean against his motorcycle, arms folded, waiting for me—Is Jaxon.

I let out a quick exhale. "Seriously?"

He turns his head slightly. "You turned away me all morning."

I stuff my keys in my bag. Perhaps that was intended.

Jaxon steps nearer as he pushes off the bike. Ava spoke with you, didn't she?

I draw my arms over each other. Really.

"And?" asks

I give my head a shake. "Jaxon, she's harmed. She is also quite rightfully entitled.

Jaxon's jaw gets stiff. "I am aware of."

"Do you?" I pull a brow. "Because last night you seemed not to care."

His eyes dim. "Don't do that..."

I back off. "What should I do?"

Act as if this were just me. He lets out a quick breath. "I did not kiss myself, Lena."

My pulse flips.

because he is right.

However, acknowledging that?

That would be crossing still another line completely.

I swallow forcefully. "It was a mistake."

He flickers in expression for a moment. Almost hurtful.

He then nods slowly. "Right. a fault.

Though I push myself to say the words taste awful.

Jaxon looks at me a second longer then turns and walks away.

And my chest hurts in an incomprehensible manner as I watch him go.

Because why does it feel like so much more if it were merely a mistake?

Ava is wounded. And fixing it is not simple either.

Lena struggles to persuade herself the kiss meant nothing. She knows she is lying, deep down though.

Jaxon disputes her. Now, their spacing apart is considerably more hazardous.