Chapter 18 - Qualia

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Still timidly rubbing the back of his head, the boy turns his attention to the man in front of him. Despite his hesitation, he asks:

— Changing the subject, do you have any idea where to go now? The village was destroyed and it's very likely that other towns along the way were destroyed as well.

Kazuki's expression is indifferent, —or at least that's what he tries to show, —but his thoughts… It's like they're hammering completely different things inside his head.

There were countless sudden events and up until this moment, Kazuki hadn't been able to process all the information properly, let alone come up with a plan or strategy.

And despite everything that had happened, the beastman still seemed slightly dazed, partially detached from reality.

It was hard to witness all his acquaintances, friends, and the people he used to hang out with in bars and shops, dead, lying in the same streets where he once built good memories.

It was disturbing to see the remaining villagers, desperately trying to survive, acting so impulsively in favor of their own lives while ignoring and stepping over others in the same situation.

The remnants of humanity in these people had vanished, evaporated. They looked like wild animals, unrecognizable. The premise was a disappointment in others,— a complete abandonment of society.

All these factors had messed with a part of his psyche. And whether he liked it or not, it had been seven years of living together in harmony. The villagers were like a family; everyone in the village considered themselves part of a massive wolf pack.

The conflict between the whirlwind of emotions — grief, guilt and responsibility, — had hit his weak spot. Just getting up felt exhausting, not because of physical fatigue, but because of the overwhelming weight of self-deprecating emotions.

The burden of having to be a father figure while being tormented by recurring feelings of denial and regret weighed on him like an ever-increasing weight on his back.

— Rei, to be honest, I really don't know what to do... Mia is still small and Takayo can't even say a word — he answers.

— If we go to the capital, I'm afraid the soldiers will recognize me. Not to mention that the roads are probably blocked. That wouldn't just put us at risk, but it would also be a huge problem — he adds.

— What we need now is time and space, especially for the children, — he finishes, looking at Mia and Takayo sitting on the ground.

As soon as he finishes, the student replies sincerely.

— Everything happened way too fast, you really shouldn't think about that right now. Please take as much time as you need.

— I'm also going to the forest to clear my head. I'll also take the opportunity to get some food. As far as I've noticed, we're completely out of supplies — he adds.

Before Kazuki can react to what he just heard, the boy makes a hang loose sign.

— No need to worry, just relax. I'll just find something for us to eat. — He ends the discussion with a smile and a calm voice.

For a second, Kazuki compares the boy's warm voice to melted caramel drizzled over dark chocolate... or something like that.

After finishing their conversation, Rei walks away from the man with her hands in her pockets and disappears into the dense forest nearby.

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[10 minutes later].

As he walks through the forest, occasionally tripping over twisted roots, vines, and branches, the boy notices that the vast, reddish, cloudy sky is beginning to darken, giving way to night.

Wet earth, dense vegetation, and endless trees... The scene before him looked like a tropical rainforest.

Back home, the student had heard that tropical rainforests were usually full of animals, insects, and plants that were dangerous to humans. But since he had no idea how things worked here, he just kept walking carefully.

Until he decided to sit on a thick branch nearby and look around.

In the distance, the last rays of light escape through the leaves, illuminating a small part of the forest; in the air, strange-looking birds fly around freely, and the ground is constantly shifting, as if something were crawling beneath it...

There are many creatures and plants here that can't be found in his world, along with countless insects and small creatures floating in the atmosphere.

Despite the cold weather, every time a gust of wind blows, the bushes and leaves sway. Feeling the sensation, the boy relaxes his shoulders and takes a deep, cleansing breath, trying to free himself from all the tragedy he witnessed earlier.

He takes in the breathtaking view, momentarily relieved by the sight.

Wow.

It's just an ordinary forest, but to Rei, who spent most of his life in the big city, this place feels like a natural masterpiece... Just like the ones he used to see in museums, events, and schools.

With his hands resting behind the thick trunk, the boy sinks into small thoughts.

He regrets not being able to react in time and not being strong enough to help Kazuki and Takayo. Things could have turned out differently and if he had a time machine, he would definitely try to fix what happened.

Even though he's slightly shaken by the situation and has witnessed the death of people he interacted with in the village, the boy chooses to keep quiet about it.

Compared to the suffering of Takayo, Kazuki, and Mia, saying something like, "I'm scared of someone else's death," seems, in his view, insensitive.

It's not that someone else's pain is greater than his to the point where he doesn't need to vent, — everyone is going through a tough time. But it is best to keep it to yourself.

To be continued...

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Final Notes

Qualia = No matter how much someone thinks they know you, the infinity of your emotions goes beyond any understanding.

There is no such thing as suffering that is presumed to be greater than your own. Comparing emotions and pain is meaningless. You are the only person who can truly be taken seriously.