Second Chance

Stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid Woobin. 

Just because he was a little bit good-looking, sort of gentle and kind, maybe - just a tiny bit - charming, it didn't give him the right to play with my heart like this. 

But…

Who am I kidding?

He was eye-wateringly handsome and as gentle and charming as an angel and devil rolled into one.

And I failed once again to confess to him. 

Just as I thought I found the right moment, finally worked up the courage to tell him the feelings I harbored in my heart for years - he'd do something stupid. Something stupid like giving me an aloof smile that made me feel 'this guy doesn't care at all' or ruffle my hair for no reason making my mind go blank and diffuse all my courage. 

I, Yuno, a 26-year-old office rookie, the only son in a family of six with three elder sisters, and a self-admittedly hopeless dreamer, was in love with the man that everyone loved. 

Tonight I had drinks with Woobin in a bar we've frequented countless times since our university days together - this was OUR place. We shared red wine and talked about music, art, and movies. Woobin was a lead singer and a guitarist in an underground band that had finally started to take off recently, and I was scared that he was drifting further and further away from me, becoming even more unreachable. 

I had to catch this star before he shot up to a higher stratosphere, so high that I could only admire from a distance as waves of fans body-block him away from me. I had to tell him how I felt since the moment I saw him. I had to let him know that I wasn't just his 'cute little friend' - why does he even call me that? We are the same age! - from the university (and a devout supporter of his band since their first concert). 

But just as I felt it was finally my moment, and just after I told him "Woobin, I have… something I always wanted to tell you…" and was steadying my jumpy heart before the confession, he looked into my eyes with a comforting smile and ruffled my hair - "You don't have to say anything that you are uncomfortable with, Yuno. Don't feel forced."

Damn it!

I kicked the trashcan next to the bench on the subway platform - Line number 2, Shinchon station. It rattled but didn't tip over. 

"Hey, watch it, kid!" A middle-aged man, who seemed obviously drunk, sitting on the bench snarled at me.

I'm not a kid… seriously. 

I hated the way I looked. 

I was always called 'cute' but that was never a compliment for me. 

I was short, skinny, weak - everything a man shouldn't be. 

And God… tomorrow I have to go to work again where my boss Mr. Jin would put me through yet another 9 hours of hell. 

Why is he always so mean to me?

I know I'm still new to the job so I tend to make mistakes - but isn't that kind of expected? Couldn't I work in some other 'normal' positions where I can learn the work bit by bit and receive proper training?

I joined the company - Sooyun, the biggest among all the megacorps in Korea - in March this year. Yes, it was an amazing feat and I was over the moon for it. My family went out to celebrate with some nice Korean beef barbeque - all six of us, even the third sister who never really cared for me joined. 

For some unfathomable reasons though, I was assigned to the CEO's office while other guys who got hired through this year's annual recruitment together with me naturally dispersed to departments like Marketing and Sales, Accounting, R&D, Business Development, and whatnot. Everybody, naturally, also received a month's training. 

But uh-oh, not me. I joined the CEO's office directly and I had to learn everything new from the unhelpful seniors who always treated me like I didn't deserve to be there. 

I wanted to kick the trash can one more time, but then the ahjussi sitting on the bench glared at me again and I put my foot down.

Sigh… I don't even have the courage to do these things.

Resigned to defeat, I walked closer to the yellow line on the platform as I heard the announcement that the train was approaching. 'Stand behind the yellow line.' It said, so I obliged. For my own safety. Next to me stood a mother and a child, a cute young girl maybe aged 10 - why are they out so late? - and they were chatting and laughing. 

Will I ever have a family like this?

I wish. 

But it's probably impossible. Even if things somehow… worked out with Woobin. 

Gay marriage was not legal in Korea, let alone adopting a child as a gay couple.

God, what am I even thinking? I couldn't even manage to confess to the man I've been in love with for years and I'm lamenting about the legality of gay marriage?!

It was then that I saw the drunk man approach where I stood, walking like a zombie and looking like he could fall at any moment. 

Tsk… why do some people drink so much that they can't even control their own bodies?

That was not the worst of it though. Just as I was thinking this, I saw something about him change like a switch had flipped inside him - his eyes suddenly flaring, his face distorting, a sudden and palpable surge of anger emanating. This was the look of a crazy man about to do something unprovoked. 

"Watch out!!!"

Although I was a bit tipsy myself after all the red wine I forced myself to drink earlier in the night to boost my confidence for the planned confession, I felt my senses were heightened with the impending danger as the drunken man dashed toward the mother and her daughter. I just knew - I just knew that the man was about to push one - or both - of them off the platform just as the train was coming in. 

I hurriedly pushed the two away which made them squeal in surprise, but this little shove was just a little inconvenience for them, while my action made me pay the ultimate price. 

Receiving the full impact of the drunk man's charge, my body got flung away off the platform. It flew beyond the yellow line of life and from the corner of my eyes I saw the train emerge out of the tunnel and approach me with its blinding lights and deafening sound of horns. 

So this is it… 

This is what I get for acting without thinking. 

I guess I did the good thing, saving a child. 

But it's not like I didn't have my own life to live or it was better off this way though.

I mean… I'm sorry but I'd preferred to have lived. I loved my Mom and Dad. My job was painful but I was glad I had one. Woobin gave me heartaches but I would rather have been around to at least see him from a distance than part with him for good. For someone as timid as me I had many friends. Some close, some not so close. But overall they were all nice people and my life was better with them than without.

God… I really don't want to die like this.

: Really? :

Huh? What was that?

: Yuno. You've sacrificed your life to save a child. You deserve to go to heaven :

Who's this?

I was suspended in the air and it was as if the time had stopped. The train was no longer moving, and I could even see the wide-eyed expression of shock on the face of the train driver who was only two meters away from me - at most. 

What's going on? I'm not dead yet?

: No, you are not :

The booming, yet gentle and kind voice spoke to me as if the voice was inside my head. 

It didn't feel disturbing at all. If anything, it felt comforting. 

"Who are you?"

: I am your Father :

"Da…Darth Vader?!!"

: … :

"…"

: I am that I am :

"I don't get this at all."

: For the noble choice you've made to save a child's life, I will give you another chance to decide :

"What do you mean?"

: Proceed to heaven now for eternal bliss or you can have a Second Chance at your life :

"…really?!"

: Make your choice, my good child. Proceed or reverse? :

Perhaps I should have thought about it more deeply.

Perhaps eternal bliss wasn't something I should have given up on so easily. 

But right at that moment, all I could think of was that I did not want to end this way.

I wanted to see my family and friends again. 

Despite all the bad things that may have happened in my life, there were many things I've been grateful to have. I was still young. I wanted to live. I wanted to experience things. 

"Re… reverse! Please, reverse everything!"

: Very well, my child. Your wish will be granted :

With that, I felt myself become engulfed in light as everything around me turned blindingly bright white.