I Think They Love Me. [2]

I started dreaming of them.

At first, I thought it was just memory filling in the gaps—because there were gaps, so many now. Things slipping through my fingers like sand, moments I should have remembered but didn't.

But these weren't memories.

In my dreams, I was always sitting across from them.

Always talking.

And they were always listening.

Smiling.

Drinking in every word like it was something precious.

Something theirs.

I would wake up feeling empty, like I had spilled something in the night—something I couldn't get back.

But the worst part?

The worst part was the way I felt grateful.

...

I started avoiding them.

Or at least, I tried.

Stopped going to the café. Took a different route home. Turned my phone off for hours at a time, even though I couldn't explain why.

But they were still there.

At the train station, leaning casually against a pillar.

Outside my apartment building, just watching.

Not moving. Not chasing.

Just waiting.

And the worst part?

I almost went to them.

My legs itched to move, like my body was trying to bridge the distance on its own.

Like I was a puppet, and something had its fingers tangled in the strings.

I ran inside instead, slammed the door, locked it.

But even in the silence of my apartment, I swore I could still feel them.

Their presence, pressed against the edges of my mind.

Soft. Gentle.

A whisper in my own voice.

"How are you feeling today?"

I didn't answer.

I pressed my hands to my ears.

And I still heard them.

...

Sleep became dangerous.

Because when I dreamed, I was not alone.

I dreamed of their voice—no, my voice.

Repeating words I didn't remember saying.

Confessions. Regrets. Fears.

Things buried so deep in me that I had never spoken them aloud.

And they whispered them back to me.

Like they had stolen them.

Like they had peeled back my skin and plucked them from my ribs like strings on an instrument.

And then, one night, I heard my own voice laughing.

Low, warm.

But I wasn't the one doing it.

I wasn't the one in control anymore.

I woke up screaming.

...

The next day, I made a mistake.

I answered the door.

I don't know why I did it.

One moment, I was sitting on the couch, staring at the cracks in the ceiling, trying not to sleep.

And then—

Knock, Knock.

Soft. Familiar.

My body moved before I could stop it.

I opened the door.

And there they were.

Standing just outside, smiling.

Waiting.

And the second I saw them—everything felt lighter.

The fear, the tension, the hollow ache that had settled in me like a second skin—it evaporated.

Because they were here now.

They stepped forward.

Not into my apartment.

But closer.

Just close enough that the air between us felt thin.

I knew I should have slammed the door.

I knew I should have run.

But my body wouldn't move.

Because the moment they spoke—

"You don't have to fight it anymore."

I wanted to believe them.

I wanted to let go.

And I felt it—

Something inside me unraveling.

Like a spool of thread being gently, carefully pulled apart.

And I swore—

I swore—

That for a second, I felt my own mind start to slip through my fingers.

And I let it.

I let them take it.

Because I think—

I think I loved them, too.