CHAPTER 36

April sat on the crisp white sheets of the hospital bed and started out at the skyline of the city from her private room's window. She loved the sky, vast and ever changing in colours. Though it changed one thing was for certain, the sun will rise in the morning and set again at night, giving her the solitary moon to gaze at.

April thought of her new life, what it had cost her, her old one. It cost her her comfort zone and sense of direction. It cost her relationships and friends, it cost her being liked and understood. But none of that mattered as she knew the people she had met on the other side of her rebirth loved and valued her. She would build a new comfort zone with all the things that made her happy and move forward.

Instead of being understood by others, she would be seen by those she held dear to her. All she had lost was a person that she no longer was.

April smiled and let it all go in one breath, just as she did that the door opened and she quickly turned her head thinking that it was Micheal. To her horror it was James. What was he doing here?

Seeing her smile, James heart leapt but it soon spiralled into displeasure as her smile disappeared and all he now saw was indifference. Faking it he beamed at her, "I went to find you at your workplace but you were not there. After a few enquiries, I found out that you were in the hospital. Are you feeling any better? What happened to you?"

April couldn't deal with this idiot right now, "I am fine, just something minor happened. Thank you for your visit but it is inappropriate now please see yourself out." April returned her gaze to the bright and full sun.

James lost it at her words but he had learnt to control his thoughts and movements so he restrained himself for now. Once he had her she wouldn't be so mouthy, "I will go after you agree to a date with me."

April's head snapped around and couldn't hide her smile but it wasn't the smile James had hoped for. Her guard was up and she gave a gentle laugh as she replied, "James, I am not the girl for you, I am not the girl who will break your heart. I will not lead you into blocking my number nor picking up a bottle. I am far more deadly than that. I am the girl that will always believe in you. The girl who will always wish you well and push you towards your dreams. I will give you peace in knowing my intentions and loyalty to you. I will leave you with far more pieces than you started with." James went to hold her hand but she stopped him and continued, "I will sneak up on you years down the line when you have had your fun and crave someone. Someone who believes in you and will only wish you the world. Someone that will leave you in more pieces than you started with. I am not the girl that breaks your heart I'm the girl you wish had kept together."

"Huh?" James did not understand what she meant, was this a yes?

April gently laughed, of course, a man like James wouldn't deserve her, she knew her worth, "Lucy and you are perfect for each other." She then turned her head indicating for him to leave.

James nodded, "I will visit again maybe today your head is a bit foggy." James then stood and fixed his suit before walking out of her private room and down the hospital corridor. He thought of her words and she was right she could bring so much to his life, she was beautiful and talented and would go far with her career. He needed a strong wife, Lucy and the others would just be for fun.

Back inside the hospital room, April thought of the girl she once was when she was with James and she realised that she never wanted to meet her again, not because she was kind and loving. But because her love enveloped around him like raindrops, even on the days he tried to stay dry. But when she needed the same love herself she found herself in a drought.

Her identity became a Cameleon changing colours to reflect his mood. Blending in just so she could be part of it. She rarely felt good enough, even though she was enough and more. And the minimum is what she learned to beg for. She never wanted to meet that girl again. She could not imagine going back to live another day where she did not strive for the absolute maximum she deserved.

She looked back at the hospital door that James has just walked out of and sighed and in her heart she thanked him for not giving her what she deserved, thankful for showing her that she deserved better. She thanked him for letting her realise that she shouldn't settle for the bare minimum. Thanks to him she now knew what she truly deserved.

Click...

April looked up and genuinely smiled, "Grandpa why are you here?" She recognised the impeccably dressed elderly man as the one she had accompanied in the park that day.

"I am glad you remember such an old man like myself." He chuckled before he sat down on the visitor's seat.

"Of course I remember," April replied, her happy mood returning.

"I am here to see you, how are you?" He was here for her today, who would want to be alone in the hospital. He really needed to talk to his grandson.

"I'm fine." It was always her response, no one wanted the truth after all.

He sighed, these youngsters never said what they truly felt anymore, "You were shot but you're fine."

"How did you know what happened to me," She asked.

He chuckled, "You are the angel that saved my idiotic grandson."

April froze, the thought of Dean made her head fuzzy and her heart plummeted into chaos, "You are his grandfather?"

Taking in her reaction he couldn't help be aggrieved by his idiotic grandson's actions, "Yes he should be here, but I'm here to keep you company."

April did her best to smile, after everything she knew Dean had left her alone in the hospital. She looked down at the white sheets lost in thought.

Seriously wanting to return home to beat his grandson after seeing her so troubled by him, he sighed and spoke out hoping to bring the two closer together, "We all go through bumps in the road, we all go through moments where we question ourselves where we allow doubt and fear to nag at the corners of our soul and purpose. But you come out of those periods stronger and with a greater sense of who you are. That's what Dean is working towards to be the perfect man for you."

April laughed, for her? Who was he kidding? So she responded kindly not wanting to hurt his grandfather's feelings, "Does the perfect man exist? Who cares about perfection? Even the moon is not perfect, it's full of creators. And the sea? It's too salty and dark in the depths. The sky? Always so infinite. Those are the most beautiful things and none of them are perfect. They are special so I am not waiting on perfect. I want to be free, free to love effortlessly with both our blissful imperfections."

He beamed at her, she was grounded, genuine and had a beautiful soul. His grandson would be lucky to have her by his side. He responded to April quickly, "But love is passion, obsession someone you can't live without. I say fall head over heels and find someone that you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head and listen with your heart. There is no sense in living alone, to live a life and not fall deeply in love. Well if you do that you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try because if you don't try you haven't lived."

April listened, she sat on the bed and tried to settle her uneasy heart. Yes, she and Dean had a heart to heart conversation but wasn't she alone after taking a bullet for him?

He reached out and held Aprils hands as he spoke up, "Your soul knows when something is authentic, real and true. No matter what anyone else tries to persuade you of, the truth will always feel different. You can't fake it, your heart knows when something resonates. Trust those feelings don't try and run from it because you are scared."

April wanted to protest but she held back her words. She could never speak her mind in front of this grandpa. He reminded her of her own grandpa that past he was who she had learnt to persevere and become independent from.

The rest of the afternoon passed with the two making light conversation and without knowing it became late into the evening.

The door opened and April's head snapped in that direction but instead of seeing who she waited subconsciously for it was her dear work friend Aarna.

Deans grandfather didn't miss her reaction as her face fell in disappointment then she quickly managed to smile to hide the hurt. His grandson was really a fool.

Aarna quickly rushed into the room and threw herself at April and gave her a tight squeeze. April hisses at the contact and Aarna immediately withdrew back her embrace, "Oh I'm sorry my bad I forgot I was just so happy to see that you were okay. I had bumped into Michael and asked him what was wrong so I came here right after work."

April nodded and smiled at Aarna and introduced her, "Grandpa this is my good friend Aarna. Aarna this is..."

Not wanting to give too much away, Deans grandfather stood and adjusted his suit jacket, "I will go and let you young ones talk."

April understood why he had interrupted her, he was probably a very private man. She agreed and nodded her head, "Thank you for taking the time to visit me."

He walked to the door and turned back ar her words, "Think about what I said earlier and keep both your mind and heart open. See you again soon." With that said he left April's private room.

Aarna quickly took the opportunity and sat down on the now empty visitors chair, "So what happened? Are you okay? Can I get you anything?"

April laughed and then looked at her friend, "Give me your coat."

Aarna had no idea why April wanted her coat but she quickly removed her long pink coat and handed it to her.

April jumped out of the bed and put on her friend's coat and then a pair of the hospital's slippers, "Did you bring your car?"

Aarna nodded and April quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her to the door. "Where are we going? Wait you are not trying to leave the hospital, are you? You have to stay here, I won't be your accomplice."

April laughed and continued to drag her friend now down the hospital corridor, "I'm fine though I may go insane just sitting in there and promise I'm okay. So help me."

Seeing Aprils pitiful face Aarna agreed against her better judgment, "Okay but I'll stay with you tonight or else I'll not feel good about this."

April agreed instantly, "Deal."

They then made their way out of the hospital and into the car park. April listened as Aarna talked a mile a minute and half the time she couldn't keep up with her stories.

April and Aarna made it back to Aprils condo and they sat together in the living room. They had ordered take out and they were taking it easy.

Halfway into their movie and pizza, Aarna turned off the movie and sat up straight, "My crush is ghosting me?"

April put her plate down on to the coffee table, "What's ghosting?"

"Where they don't respond and leave you hanging." Aarna had filled April in on her crush in the car earlier but she didn't realise that April was preoccupied at the time.

April nodded grasping the situation, "Oh, okay then thank them for the 15-day free trial and let them know you won't be signing up for further membership."

"So what do you do if he ghosts you?" Aarna asked further.

"Aarna we aren't ghostbusters, we don't chase them. Let them go, bye bye Casper. See you later." April laughed.

"What about you who are you dating?" Aarna asked.

April immediately thought of Dean and his honey coloured eyes that she could happily get lost in. She shook her head and chuckled, "I am only interested in the pizza delivery guy because he brings me food.