14. Finding Purpose In Motherhood.

Nicolette allowed the huge bodyguard to drag her to her room. He wasn't gentle, and honestly, she was too numb to even feel the pain.

"No funny games tonight, okay?" Will said, as he shoved her inside her room.

Nicolette dropped to her knees, bruising them against the harsh floor. She heard the door lock aggressively behind her, and her heart plummeted with reality.

She was here.

She was back home.

Like a stranger.

Her father had taken her phone and locked her in her room.

Like a prisoner.

To be treated even worse than before.

Gently, she brought herself to her feet and that was when she felt the pain from all over her body.

Her face hurt.

Her fingers hurt.

Her knees were sore.

Everywhere, especially her heart.

She heard noises from outside the room before her bedroom door opened.

"It seems delightful here," Ronald said as he entered.

Nicolette froze, suddenly terrified by his presence.

"Sit," he ordered, gesturing to her bed.

Nicolette obeyed, too exhausted to protest.

When she did, her father folded his arms around his chest, his expression unreadable.

"You were really foolish this evening," he said, a twinkle of annoyance in his eyes. "Do you have any idea what you did? You disrespected a very important man."

Nicolette wanted to roll her eyes badly.

Of course, everything has to be her fault.

"Now he's not even picking my calls," Ronald said, his annoyance mounting. "You know how this union is important to the company, to the family, why would you want to ruin it?"

His accusatory tone, his obliviousness to the whole situation, including her pain, made anger rise in her chest, and she rode on it.

"Me? Why would I ruin it?" she spat. "Is this even a question you should be asking? That man doesn't want a wife! He just wants a child!"

"And what's so bad about that?" Ronald challenged, his brow creased. "You should be lucky that man finds you worthy of having his child!"

His words stung her.

She knew he was aware of Lucian's request, she just didn't know he would willingly admit to it, especially to her face.

"I knew you were terrible, I… I just didn't know it was this bad."

"Stop whining and be an adult for once!" Ronald said with a dismissive wave. "It's not like you're doing anything tangible with your life anyways. Who knows, you might find a purpose in motherhood."

Nicolette gasped, shocked to her bones.

Ronald moved closer, his eyes now glinting with more annoyance. "You should thank me for giving you purpose. I don't understand why you'll reject such a good deal. You give him a child—in what—nine months, twelve months, you get to fix your mother's ruined gallery, you have my full support, and everyone is happy."

Nicolette pressed her lips together, blinking quickly to keep the tears from falling.

She couldn't believe her father thought any of this was a great idea.

Ronald stepped closer, his voice softer—too soft that it made her suspicious. "Lucian is coming back tomorrow, and you'll treat him with respect and accept his proposal. As you can see, he is a gentleman who is willing to wait. Don't mess it up, Nic."

The nickname got to her this time, and she hiccuped as tears dropped from her eyes.

"Why… me? You… could have made a better offer."

"I could have," Ronald admitted, tilting his head, visibly unmoved by her tears. "But a wife means more ground for stability, it means getting even closer to Lucian, it means getting help from him for even a longer period of time, and I wasn't going to give my dear daughter out, so I chose you."

Nicolette's heart sank and a small knot formed in her stomach.

She was the test subject, a bargaining tool in his grand scheme.

He never saw her as his daughter. She was just a means to an end—just a stepping stone for his ambitions.

It hurt so badly that she couldn't pretend. Tears welled up in her eyes and she let them fall.

"I'm just doing what is best for you, Nicolette," he said in a suspiciously warm voice, and placed his hand on her shoulder.

She didn't nudge it—couldn't nudge it away.

It was the first paternal touch she had felt in a long time, and no matter how fake, how small it was, she had needed it.

Except it didn't go on for long, Ronald dropped his hand and cleaned them against his shirt.

"Rest now," he said, "Somebody will come clean you up. Remember you'll be nicer to Lucian, okay?"

She didn't respond, she just stood there, crying silently.

"Okay then, goodnight," Ronald said and left the room. Once he was outside, she heard him talking to Will. "If she leaves that room, be ready to leave with her."

"Yes sir," Wills replied firmly.

Nicolette sobbed, her eyes aching, her breath unsteady. Tears poured out, bringing all of her pain out, burning her skin, clawing at her throat.

There was no other way to describe it. Her hands trembled, and she clenched her fingers together to stop them from shaking.

Nothing she did for her father would ever make sense. Nothing she did would ever be enough. She knew that now and it hurt even more to admit.

Her chest ached, surrendering to the pain.

Her door opened again but this time, it was Hillary who walked in.

"Oh, Lettie," Hillary said, dropping the bowl she brought in and crouching to Nicolette. She hugged her tight and began to cry too. "I'm so sorry."

Nicolette's heart sank at Hillary's tears as she smiled through hers. "It's not your fault, Hills."

"I would talk to dad, he needs—"

"No, no. It's fine," Nicolette smiled at her, hugging her tightly. "Come clean me up," she added, gesturing to the bowl.

With tears in her eyes, Hillary brought the bowl closer, dipped a cloth in it and began to wipe Nicolette's face.

"You're bleeding under your eyes and mouth," Hillary said as she gently rubbed Nicolette's face with the warm water.

"I know."

Hillary had barely began when the door opened and Will popped his big head in. "Time's up."

"What? I just started!" Hillary protested.

"Your father's orders, Miss," Will said.

"But she—"

"Don't worry, I'll do it," Nicolette interrupted. "I don't want you getting in trouble."

Hillary argued again. "But Lettie—"

"No, just go. Come on."

Hillary reluctantly stood up, tears streaming down her eyes again.

"I'll be fine," Nicolette said, pulling her most convincing smile. She couldn't let Hillary know how much it hurt. "See you tomorrow."

Hillary didn't say anything, she just kept sobbing till she left the room.

Once she was alone, Nicolette picked the clothes and cleaned her face until the water was cold, and till she felt a little better.

She lay down on the bed, trying to sleep, but she couldn't. She was sore everywhere, so she stayed like that until the sun rose.

Nicolette sat upright when she realized it was morning. She had been trapped in her room all night like a prisoner. She wasn't in pain anymore—she was mad.

She couldn't let Ronald win. Not now, not ever.

She had to find a way to leave, so she began racking her brain

"Maybe by breakfast," she said, standing up from the bed.

Yes, she would find a way to escape then.

But to her displeasure and heartbreak, instead of being invited down for breakfast, a maid brought the food to her room.

Nicolette's heart sank as the maid laid the tray of food by her bedside table, and for a moment she almost surrendered.

But when she imagined the pain she might go through under Lucian, it rekindled her determination. She ignored the food and went back to plotting.

Some hours later, the same maid returned with the boxes Lucian had given her yesterday.

"Your father said you should pick something out of the box and get ready for Mr Crawford."

Nicolette nodded at the maid and watched her leave. Once she was out, Nicolette walked to the box and began to search for something.

She needed a gown which would be elegant yet easy to run in.

"Bingo!" she cheered as she pulled out a red gown.

It was short, sexy and she could imagine herself running in it. Quickly, she took a bath, applied makeup to hide the blemishes on her face, and got ready.

She was wearing her shoes when there was a knock on the door. Seconds later, it opened and her father walked in.

He assessed her from head to toe and a smile tugged at his lips. "I can see that you made a decision already."

"Yes," she said, lowering her eyes to hide the lie.

"Good girl," Ronald said, then he took her phone from his pocket and handed it to her. "You've earned it," he said, like a master speaking to its puppy.

"Thank you father," she said softly

"Come, let's go meet Lucian," Ronald said and she followed him to the garden.

Lucian was already seated, guarded by his guys as usual. He rose to his feet when he saw her, an almost believable kind smile on his face.

"Hello Lettie."

Her skin crawled at the sound of his voice, but she tried not to grimace as she turned to him. "Hi."

"I would leave you lovebirds alone," Ronald chuckled.

Nicolette didn't look at her father as he left the garden. There was no point seeing that face again.

Once they were alone, she faced Lucian. "Is this how it's always going to be?"

Lucian raised his brow. "What is?"

"Your guards… I thought we were trying to.. know each other," she said, faking a shy smile.

Lucian immediately got the message and snapped his fingers. "Leave us."

The guards obeyed, leaving them at once.

Nicolette untied her hair, allowing it to drop to her shoulders. She watched as Lucian's eyes gleamed with admiration.

"Come," she said, batting her lashes.

Lucian swallowed as he walked over to her, a small blush appeared on his cheeks. He reached her, and she allowed him to take some hair away from her face.

"Your eyes are gorgeous," he said softly.

Nicolette wasn't moved by his words, not after everything he said yesterday. She raised her head, but instead of whatever he expected, she lifted her legs and kicked him hard on the balls.

"Fucker!"

He went down just as Ronald entered the garden. "You stupid child!"

Nicolette took off her shoes and dashed into the bushes. When she and Hillary were younger, they used the pathway to sneak out.

She ran as fast as she could, not minding as the branches slapped her arms and tugged at her dress.

From behind her, she heard her father's order.

"Get that stupid girl!"

Her stomach churned at his words, but she didn't stop until she reached the end of the bushes.

Left or right?

She knew they'd expect her to go left—toward her house—but she chose the other path, heading into Aston Close. Immediately she stepped onto the road, she saw a black car coming her way.

Maybe it was just a random car. Maybe they didn't know who she was.

But as she tried to walk, to act all natural, she realized the car was following her!

Nicolette took to her heels.

They found her!

It was over!