CHAPTER 4: BE MINE

WHAT DID HE DO?!

Alright, let me see this properly.

Saval: Semiel, I kissed Antonella! And more things happened. I'll call you in an hour.

This was 40 minutes ago…

...

OK, I NEED TO TALK TO HIM NOW.

I'M GOING TO CALL HIM—oh, wait. At this hour, he might not be alone in his room yet. If his parents are around, he won't answer me.

Alright, I'll think about what to say until he calls me.

But… why?

Why did he kiss her? What happened? Did she accept it? Impossible. What changed? What if I call her?

No, now's not the time. She might suspect something, and I don't want to give that woman any advantage over me.

Okay, first, I need to ask him exactly what happened, and then I'll decide what to do.

Although…

If I tell Saval how I feel, will he hate me?

No, he wouldn't be like that. He would be kind to me and reject me gently... I've known him for three years. I know what kind of person he is. I don't want to drift apart from him. I want to be with him. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE OUR BOND.

Ahhh…

TIRIRIIRII

Suddenly, the sound of a call came from Semiel's computer.

—Hello, Saval, what's up?

—SEM-SEM, I KISSED HEEEER!!! —Saval shouted excitedly.

—But did she accept you or what happened?

—WELL, FIRST—

—Saval, lower your voice, please.

—Sorry, sorry. Well, after you left, we went to that pizzeria you recommended. Then, the waiter mistook us for a couple, so I told her how I felt. She seemed like she was about to reject me, so I told her I was serious… and then I kissed her.

—Just like that? Out of nowhere? And what did she say? Are you guys dating now?

Please say no. Please say no.

—Well, she said she would think about it. In a week, I'll ask her for her answer. But she'll be at the stream. I'll introduce her to everyone. I have confidence that she'll say yes—she didn't reject me outright, so there's hope!

—I don't know, Saval. It's weird. You should just give up on her.

—But Sem, why are you saying that? This is my chance.

—It's for your own good. Don't you realize it's strange that she reacted that way?

It's… for our own good.

—Sem, you should support me. You know how much I like her.

—It's not that I don't support you, but you should think this through. I'm your friend. Listen to me.

—That's exactly why, Sem! You know what? I thought you'd support me, but instead, you're telling me to rethink it. Let's talk another day.

—No, Saval, listen—

He left.

Come back, please.

AHH, what was I thinking? I knew he would react like this.

But… really? Her again? How many rejections do you need to understand that she's not for you? And the worst part... why kiss her? Why keep running into the same wall when... when you could...? It doesn't matter. I don't want to say it. I don't want you to know.

But this is eating me alive. It's consuming me.

I'm so sick of watching you crawl after her, like every rejection makes you smaller, weaker, more… dependent.

What's wrong with you? This isn't the first time she's turned you down, but you keep going back, again and again.

Why are you doing this to yourself?

Why are you doing this to me?

Now I'm alone.

I once read that "as far as we can discern, the only purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being."

But what if my light never ignites? What if I just keep sinking into this shadow that is loving you without being able to tell you?

Maybe that's my real problem: I'm trapped in my thoughts, in my own self-deception.

Is this love? A battle between what I desire and what I'm too afraid to face?

Because if love is what allows us to live, what forces us to know ourselves through another… then what am I to you? A friend? Someone you can't see beyond the image you built of me?

If I had told you earlier—if I had told you I'm bisexual—would you see me differently?

Or is it just my illusion?

What do I do now? Think, Semiel. How do I apologize?

Should I even apologize? But it's not my fault. I know that wasn't the best way, but I'm right!

She's not good for him. I know her. That woman is two-faced.

I need to find out what she's planning.

I'm going to call her.

I have to stop this.

But… is this a good idea? What if she finds out about my feelings? Now that I finally have a friendship with Saval, I'm ruining it like this.

I need to see him soon and apologize. I don't want to be without him.

Let's see, I have her old number, and I don't think she's changed it.

—9-2-5…1-2-3… Come on, pick up —Semiel muttered anxiously as he dialed Antonella's number.

—Hello? Who's this? —a voice answered on the other end.

—Hello, Antonella?

—Yes, it's me. Who's calling?

—It's Semiel, Antonella.

—Ahhh, Semiel! What a surprise! What's up? —Antonella said cheerfully.

—Nothing much, I just wanted to see if you knew anything about Saval. I left him with you, and we were supposed to play, but he hasn't shown up.

—Oh yeah, I said goodbye to him about an hour ago. We went to eat pizza and then left.

—Yeah, yeah, he told me you guys went out. By the way, I have a question.

—Sure, go ahead.

—What do you want with Saval?

—Hmm? What do you mean? He's just a friend. He's like a brother to me.

—But you know he likes you, right? Don't you think you should either be nicer to him or reject him once and for all? It's not fair for him to keep having false hopes if that's how you see him.

—Listen, Semiel, let's talk about this face-to-face. Meet me at Delawate Park in 30 minutes. —Antonella said before hanging up.

—Delawate Park, huh? Alright, time to confront that woman.

Semiel quickly left his room, grabbing his wallet and phone.

—HEY, BRAT! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING AT THIS HOUR? —Semiel's father shouted angrily.

—I don't have time for this, old man. I'll be back in an hour. It'll be quick.

—You're not going anywhere without permission! You already went out today. Stay home and play on your computer or something.

—OLD MAN, THIS IS IMPORTANT! JUST SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP!

—HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, BRAT?!

—STOP GETTING IN MY WAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO AND MOVE! ALL YOU'VE DONE SINCE MOM LEFT IS MAKE ME PITY YOU! —Semiel blurted out without thinking, instantly regretting his words.

—O-old man, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

—Go wherever you want. I don't care anymore.So, my own son pities me… Is this what I've become?

—I'm sorry, old man. I have to go. We'll talk later —Semiel said, grabbing his keys and heading to the park.

…

Semiel arrived at the park and looked around for Antonella.

—Where is that woman? —he muttered as he scanned the area.

—SEMIEEEEL! —a woman's voice called out.

—Ah, Antonella. You're here.

—Yeah, hi. So, what's up?

—Antonella, let's get to the point. What are you going to do about Saval? I don't have time for nonsense.

—Well, Saval is my friend. Though, I have to admit, he did something today that surprised me.

—Oh yeah? What did he do?I know he kissed you. You don't have to remind me.

—Well, he kissed me. Can you believe it? He took my first kiss. I didn't know what to do… but I have to admit, I kind of liked it. Maybe I should give him a chance —Antonella said with a half-smile.

—Are you playing with him? Do you know how much he cares about you, and you treat him like this?

—Are you mad?

—He's my friend, of course I'm going to be mad for him.

—You're a terrible liar. Tell me, what hurt you more? That he kissed me… or that he wanted to kiss me?

—I don't know what you're trying to do.

—I'm just curious. You've always looked at me differently, like I was your enemy. But now… now he wants me. And you? What are you going to do?

—I'm not going to play along with this.

—Oh? How boring. Because I think you should play along. It bothers you that I have him, but you can't do anything about it. That feeling of helplessness… is that how I felt when you moved away? You don't remember, do you? I was your neighbor, I thought you were attractive, and I tried to get your attention. And what was your response? No. Now the roles have switched. Yes, I've noticed. I know what's happening. You like him, don't you? You like Saval.

—W-what are you saying? That's not true! I care about him as a friend. I just don't want him falling into the hands of a manipulator like you.

—A manipulator? Me? Maybe you're right. But you're nothing but a coward. You were never going to tell him the truth. You won't. You never will. So you're stuck… suffering in silence.

—Who are you calling a coward, you damn witch?! Saval isn't… I don't like him. He's just my friend. I have to protect him because we have a bond.

I watched as she stretched her fingers delicately, while I clenched my fists tighter.

—A bond… —Antonella smirked mockingly—. I wonder how long it would last if I told him how you really feel.

—You have no proof. And besides, that's not even true. Saval would believe me.

—I don't need proof. The most obvious truths are the ones least spoken aloud. And trust me, Semiel, you're not as good at hiding it as you think.

—He wouldn't believe you.

—Are you sure? He always looks at you strangely when you talk. There's always something in his expression when you touch him. All it takes is planting a little doubt… and the rest will follow.

—You wouldn't do that —Semiel clenched his fists.

—Why wouldn't I? What's stopping me? I was the one who suffered in silence before, the one who waited for someone who ignored me. Now it's your turn. Besides, you never had a chance.

—Shut up.

—Does it hurt? Knowing he'll never see you the way you want him to? That no matter how many times I reject him, he'll still keep chasing me… and never you.

—You…

—Come on, say it. Just once. It'll feel good.

—… Fine.

—Louder.

—I like Saval —Semiel admitted reluctantly.

—See? That wasn't so hard —Antonella smirked.

—Are you happy now?

—Very. But this isn't about me. It's about you. Now you know what it's like to admit the truth, even when it hurts.

—Are you going to tell him?

—Maybe. Depends on my mood.

—You're cruel.

—I just play with the cards I was dealt. You lost from the start.

—So… what now?

How did we get here? I was supposed to stop her from getting close to Saval, and now she knows how I feel about him. She's going to tell him, and our friendship will be over. What can I do…? There's nothing I can threaten her with, no way to negotiate. She's got me completely trapped.Now I'm at her mercy.Saval… will you leave me if you find out that I love you?

—Well, that depends on you —Antonella said with a mocking smile.

—What are you talking about? What do you want from me? —Semiel muttered angrily.

—It's simple. If you want me to stay away from Saval, you just have to do one little thing.

—What is it?

—Be mine, Semiel.