232 A Girl’s Secret Thought

"We're back~~!" Yamauchi Sakura's cheerful voice rang out from the front yard.

Kyousuke, who had been tending to the barbecue grill in the garden, dropped his tools the moment he heard her and quickly made his way into the living room.

"Welcome home," he greeted with a warm smile, stepping forward to take the shopping bags from the three girls whose arms were overloaded.

"Ugh, I'm so tired," Sakura groaned as she kicked off her shoes. Her voice was full of energy despite her words.

"I told you not to buy so many drinks," Naoka muttered in protest.

"Barbecue without soda is like a soul without a body! Right, Shou-chan?" Sakura fired back, her voice loud and animated.

"Um… I actually think oolong tea is enough," Shouko mumbled softly.

Even someone as quiet as her had her own preferences and oolong tea helped cut through the grease and was the perfect barbecue companion.

"No way! Tonight, I'm definitely going to show you how magical cola can be!" Sakura pouted with mock determination.

Kyousuke placed all the bags down beside the sofa.

Shouko and Naoka slumped down onto the cushions, stretching out their tired bodies.

Sakura, however, dropped herself onto the carpet, leaning against the sofa beside Kyousuke and stretching out her long legs.

Only now did it really show just how worn out she was.

"Kyousuke, is the barbecue ready yet? Hurry up and bring out the tripe, omasum, honeycomb..."

Her bare feet tapped restlessly against the rug, her slippers had vanished somewhere long ago and she rattled off a list of cow innards like she was reciting a menu.

Kyousuke looked at Sakura beside him, who just moments ago had acted like she didn't even have the strength to stand.

The names she was listing off—some he didn't even recognize despite having a family that have a farm. He reached over and tousled her hair playfully.

"Let's save the barbecue for a bit later. The charcoal still needs time. First, hand over your health report."

"Tch. You really don't even try to hide your curiosity about high school girls' private matters, do you?" she grumbled, but obediently leaned over to grab her backpack and pulled out a document folder.

Shouko and Naoka also followed suit and handed over theirs.

"The doctor said my hearing hasn't gotten any worse!" Shouko said brightly.

"Really? That's great to hear" Kyousuke replied with genuine relief.

"What about you, Naoka?"

"All clear. Can we just do a regular checkup next time?"

"Nope!" Sakura cut in before Kyousuke could respond. "Since we're already getting checked, we might as well go all out!"

"Exactly," Kyousuke added with a smile. "Besides, didn't I buy all of you private insurance? It covers everything."

It was one of the gifts he'd given them after his income increased.

"The national insurance is already generous enough, and now you're adding private insurance on top of that…" Just thinking about how much Kyousuke had to pay every year made Naoka's heart ache.

Kyousuke didn't respond, instead pulling out his phone to compare Sakura's current report to her previous one.

He wasn't a professional, but he'd made sure to pay close attention during their last visit to the doctor and remembered the key metrics.

"Well? Still perfectly healthy, right? I've been working out, you know!" Sakura tilted her head proudly, her amber eyes sparkling with confidence.

"Yeah… That's really great," Kyousuke said, leaning down to hug the girl tightly.

Her scent—like fresh morning dew—filled his lungs. There was no trace of the fear she'd shown earlier that morning.

"Haha, okay, okay. You're gonna squeeze the life out of me," Sakura laughed, her arms clinging to him just a bit longer.

Her eyes, though, were filled with warmth and lingering affection.

Once he let go, Kyousuke turned to check Shouko and Naoka's reports.

Sakura climbed back onto the sofa, sprawling across the armrest and kicking her legs up—her feet now poking at a certain someone just to annoy him.

As childhood friends, she knew everything about him.

And he… knew her just as well. If she really wanted to hide something from him, it wouldn't be hard at all.

Thinking about how Kyousuke had leaned in and taken a deep breath near her head earlier, Sakura almost laughed.

She'd noticed long ago—he seemed to have a strange ability, like he could smell people's emotions.

No matter how well someone masked it on the surface, he'd sense what they were really feeling.

There was one time she'd gotten scolded by a teacher and tried to act like it didn't bother her during their date but after a hug like that, he somehow knew anyway.

Just like this morning. She thought she'd covered up her fear perfectly, but he still saw right through her.

If that really is some kind of superpower, it's completely useless—but kind of cute, too.

But now? There's no way Kyousuke would smell fear on her.

Sure, she'd felt weak-kneed at the hospital. But here, next to him? All she felt was peace.

"You're all in great shape. Seriously, that's a relief." Kyousuke finally closed the reports.

"Yep yep! You still need to get your own checkup too, Kyousuke-kun," Shouko reminded him sweetly.

"Me? I don't think I need to…"

He had that "reward" from Mitsuha.

Even if he was diagnosed with some incurable disease, all it would take was a little "reset," and he'd be perfectly fine.

"No way!" the three girls shouted in unison.

"…Alright, alright. I'll go sometime soon. But for now, how about some barbecue?"

"Yay!" Sakura sprang up like a rocket.

The garden lights had already come on.

Carefully designed by professionals, the lighting was arranged to prevent anyone from casting shadows that would block light from others.

The wooden folding table was filled with marinated meats and skewered vegetables ready to be grilled.

Kyousuke and Shouko took charge of the grilling. Naoka handled the carrying. Sakura? Her job was to eat.

"Hey, Kyousuke! Let's grill this zucchini too!" Sakura shouted as she returned from the kitchen holding a tray of veggies wrapped in plastic wrap.

"You still have room for more?" Kyousuke asked while munching on leftovers in the garden.

"If I push myself, I can manage a bit more!" Sakura declared with conviction. "Because the lady on the label is super cute!"

That made Shouko and Naoka burst into laughter.

Kyousuke, meanwhile, facepalmed.

The upscale supermarkets he shopped at often placed photos and bios of their produce farmers on the packaging—"traceable food," so to speak.

He always found it a little creepy, but Sakura enjoyed it. She'd pick vegetables based on whose face she liked best.

He went inside, washed the vegetables, cut them up, and put them on the grill.

After the meal, it was already too late to go for a walk, so instead, everyone sat down with a cup of yogurt.

As always, it was time for the nightly movie.

Even Naoka, who didn't usually enjoy movies, had to admit cuddling up with everyone for a film felt amazing.

"…Oh, really? Then I'll come home tomorrow. No, no, it's fine—Kyousuke will take me back. Yep, see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Mom~"

Sakura ended her call and walked back into the living room from the tatami room.

Seeing Kyousuke's questioning glance, she smiled and said:

"My grandparents in Kyoto said they missed me, so Mom's coming to take me back for a bit. Since I'll be even busier in high school, there won't be many chances to go visit."

"I see. Do you need help packing?" Kyousuke nodded, then lifted the blanket off his legs, patting the seat next to him.

"No need, no need. I've got everything I need back home anyway. I go back every year," Sakura said cheerfully, scooting over to sit beside Kyousuke and pressing against him playfully.

"True enough. So all you need is the motorcycle, huh?"

"Yup, yup! Now hurry up and hit 'Start' already!" Sakura urged eagerly.

Shouko and Naoka, overhearing their exchange, didn't press for more details.

It was well known that this was a yearly tradition for Sakura's family returning to Kyoto during the holidays to spend time with her grandparents.

It was almost touching, like something out of a feel-good commercial, and they didn't feel too sad.

It'd only be a few weeks before they saw each other again.

That night, they only ended up watching one movie.

Even though Sakura said she didn't need to pack, she still had to bring a few personal items. Shouko and Naoka helped her gather and pack them.

———————————————————————

The Next Morning

"Safe travels," Shouko said with a smile, waving to the two on the motorcycle.

It didn't feel right to say "come back soon"—after all, that would be unfair to Grandpa and Grandma Yamauchi.

"I'll make sure to cover your share of the chores," Naoka chimed in with a farewell.

"Haha, I'll bring you both back souvenirs! And of course, the hand-made oil-paper umbrella crafted personally by Sakura-sama—there's only one of those in the world!"

Sakura beamed, carrying the same blue backpack from yesterday—though now it looked much fuller, stuffed to the brim with trinkets and bits of this and that.

Hearing her cheerful tone, Kyousuke revved up the motorcycle.

Forgive him for constantly describing Sakura as "cheerful."

It was just… her life seemed to curve away from the concept of "unhappiness" like two parallel lines that would never meet.

Roads others might find dull or irritating—too steep, too monotonous—were full of wonder in her eyes.

To her, the unevenly laid bricks on the street became a thrilling challenge—miss one and you'd plunge into the abyss.

The moss in the corners of walls, soaking up rain and turning vibrant green, could hide armored white rhinos ready to charge.

Even smooth, grey cement walls were potential homes for lurking ghosts.

She talked happily, walked happily, watched movies happily, ate happily… a total, irredeemable happy-go-lucky idiot.

They took Otowa Avenue, then the No. 5 Shuto Expressway, and finally the Central Circular Route.

In under an hour, they reached Suimon City.

Taking the train might have been convenient too, but it required transfers and a bus ride afterward.

Kyousuke parked the bike in his family's yard and walked with Sakura to her house.

Before they even opened the gate, Sakura called out loudly, "I'm home!"

Yamauchi Makoto appeared quickly at the door.

"Sorry to trouble you, Kyousuke-kun. Thank you for bringing her all the way back," she said warmly.

"No trouble at all. I just needed to grab a few things from home," Kyousuke replied casually.

"Mooom~ Riding through the spring breeze with the super-beautiful Sakura-sama is something he should be thankful for, not me~!" Sakura teased, clinging to her mother's arm.

"Yes, yes. Thank you very much, Sakura-sama," her mother played along.

"Come on in," Makoto said, smiling even more brightly as she watched the two of them together.

"Excuse me for intruding."

"Good morning, Yamauchi-san."

"Morning, Kyousuke. So, how about joining us in Kyoto for a few days this time? Think of it as a little graduation trip before high school."

"Grandpa and Grandma have been wanting to see you for a while now."

Yamauchi Masayuki, Sakura's father, came over and gave Kyousuke a hearty pat on the shoulder.

"Uh…" For a moment, Kyousuke was genuinely tempted.

"Dad, Kyousuke's got a lot to do back in Tokyo," Sakura said, pouring tea for everyone.

"Yes, but thank you for the kind offer."

"No worries. There'll be plenty of chances in the future."

They sat in the living room, chatting casually—about the new house, about their hopes for high school, and about the silly things they did as kids.

Time passed quietly and pleasantly.

Just as Kyousuke was wondering whether he should text his family to say he wouldn't be home for lunch, Sakura suddenly said:

"Kyousuke, are you thinking of coming with us to Kyoto for lunch?"

She said it in a Kyoto dialect, adding a sweet, drawn-out intonation at the end that standard Japanese didn't have.

"Oh wow, it's already that late?" Kyousuke blinked, realizing the time.

"Sakura, really—how could you not offer Kyousuke lunch before sending him off?" Makoto said with a scolding smile.

"But someone does have people waiting for him back home~" Sakura said with a mischievous grin.

"Heh…" Kyousuke gave an awkward laugh.

Sure, Makoto knew about the others living with him, but having it brought up now was… definitely not ideal.

"Well then, take your time heading back, Kyousuke-kun."

Makoto stood up and handed him a bag of snacks she had prepared earlier.

But when they reached the door, she stopped, giving the two of them a bit of privacy.

"See you in a loooong while, Kyousuke~~"

Standing at the gate, Sakura gently zipped up his jacket for him.

"Be careful not to miss me so much that you sneak off to Kyoto in the middle of the night, okay? But also—you have to miss me a little!"

Her voice was cheerful as always, even though what she said was characteristically absurd and hard to deal with.

"What kind of missing is that even supposed to be?"

"Hmm~~" Sakura tilted her head thoughtfully.

Just like how Kyousuke took every word of hers seriously, she also felt responsible for explaining every silly thing she said.

"It's like… shortcake!"

"Shortcake?"

"Yeah!" she said, putting her hands behind her back and standing on tiptoe.

Her brown hair shimmered in the sunlight, and for a second, her usually smiley face turned genuinely serious.

"It's like… sometimes I really crave it, but when I stop to think, I realize maybe I don't need it that bad. It's somewhere between 'super want' and 'maybe not.'"

"I don't think I can do that. You'd better come back soon. Just hearing you say 'Welcome home' once… I'm already addicted. I can't be without it anymore."

Kyousuke ruffled her hair, then, realizing it wasn't enough to ease the ache of parting, pulled her into a tight hug.

He knew she'd be back in just a few days, but even one day apart felt unbearable.

"Haha, I don't believe you. Don't you have Shouko and Naoka?" Sakura joked, but she still stood on tiptoe and hugged him back just as tightly.

"Alright, alright. This time I'll bring you back a one-of-a-kind gift!" she said cheerfully as they let go.

"Yeah. I'll be waiting at home for you." Kyousuke stepped out of the gate.

"Mhm! I'll be home real soon~~"

As always, Sakura stood at the gate, watching as his dark silhouette disappeared down the street.

"Why the sudden decision to visit your grandparents in Kyoto?" Makoto asked once her daughter came back inside.

Sakura had called the night before saying she wanted to go home, even though the original plan was to visit during the first high school break.

"I'm not going back to Kyoto… actually, there's something I need to tell you both."

Sakura walked into the sitting room, sat on the couch, and pulled out her backpack.

From it, she took a file folder.

"…I've been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer."

"Sakura, that's not something you should joke about," Makoto said with a gentle laugh.

"I'm not joking. Look—this is my serious face!" Sakura said, pulling out a medical report and handing it over.

She began explaining the test results to her mother and her father, who had just walked in.

"…Why? How did this happen…?"

Staring at the report labeled Tokyo Medical University Health Checkup Center, the smile vanished from Yamauchi Makoto's face.

The light in her eyes dimmed.

For less than a second, she wore a blank, frozen expression—then came the outburst. Loud, uncontrolled sobbing filled the room.

"Pancreatic cancer…"

Sakura father fingers clenched the report so tightly that the knuckles looked like they might break through the skin.

He let out a slow, trembling breath, then gritted his teeth.

His face turned pale.

The sharp light that had always burned in his eyes, the proud gaze of a traditional Japanese father, was now clouded with disbelief.

"Dad, Mom, don't look like that. They caught it really early—stage one. The doctors said the surgery should be straightforward and easy."

Sakura had always feared this moment seeing that look on her parents' faces. But now that it had come, she tried to keep things light, smiling as she spoke.

Their expressions made it seem like she was already in her coffin.

It reminded her of the funeral years ago for Watanabe Grandma, a woman she'd never even known.

Yet, just from the way her family cried, young Sakura had felt this crushing sadness in her chest.

Death itself wasn't scary.

It was everything that came with it—the fear, the helplessness, the way it turned everyday life into a minefield of sorrow.

Sakura had mentally prepared herself, but seeing her parents like this still sent shivers of fear through her.

If the people she loved started acting like that—sad, careful, avoiding the topic, treating her like she was made of glass.

Following the doctor's instructions to the letter then wasn't that just a constant reminder that she was dying?

"You didn't tell Kyousuke-kun about this yet?" Masayuki asked, thinking back to the boy he'd just seen.

If Kyousuke had known, there was no way he would've looked so calm.

"Nope, of course not!"

"If I told Kyousuke about this, he'd probably bawl just like Mom. That would seriously be the end of the world for me."

"You're talking like a full-blown Tokyo girl now," Makoto muttered, her tears pausing as she tried to scold her.

"Hehe~" Sakura giggled playfully. That was the vibe she wanted—normal, light, fun.

"I've decided I'm going to keep this hidden from everyone. For my sake."

If everyone she loved started treating her like a fragile endangered species, bubble-wrapping her world, filtering her air, checking her poop like it was a lab experiment—it'd drive her crazy.

Even if her mom managed to hold back, Kyousuke would absolutely go overboard.

Actually, scratch that.

Kyousuke would probably hire a hundred caretakers, drag her around the globe to tick off some dramatic 'bucket list,' and study medicine late into the night by lamplight, trying to save her himself.

No. Absolutely not.

Yamauchi Sakura refused to live like that.

She had always admired Kyousuke's ability to stay composed, even when she was being reckless or impulsive.

No matter how messy things got, if she turned back and gave him a sheepish smile, he'd always clean up the mess.

That sense of security had become her addiction.

Her days—ninety-nine percent of them—were built around Kyousuke. If even he changed, then her entire world would collapse.

So no way. Kyousuke must never know.

"Yeah… If that boy ever found out…" Makoto's crying only grew louder.

She knew how much Kyousuke loved Sakura—there was no doubt his feelings were just as deep as theirs.

"We're booking it today. You're going to Tokyo for treatment tomorrow. Surgery as soon as possible," she said through tears.

Masayuki's hands were shaking so badly he couldn't even unlock his phone.

After fumbling with it for a while, he slammed it against the table in frustration, causing everything on it to rattle and fall over.

"I got it, Dad." Sakura knelt down, picked up the fallen cups, and gently took the phone from him.

She wasn't afraid of the surgery.

She'd read all about it online—the pain, the risk, the poor prognosis. But she still wasn't afraid.

She understood this was her shot at living longer.

And the doctor had said that, if recovery went well, she'd be back on her feet before school started.

Sakura pulled out the phone number she had written down in advance—directly to the main hospital affiliated with Tokyo Medical University—and made the call.

When the operator asked for the patient's name, she answered calmly, "It's me. Yamauchi Sakura."

There was a brief pause, and then a gasp from the woman on the other end.

Sakura couldn't help but smile—it felt like a little prank that had landed perfectly.

Seeing that her parents were likely going to be crying for a while, Sakura decided she couldn't take the gloomy atmosphere anymore.

Saying she was going to pack her things, she headed upstairs.

But once she was in her familiar room, she didn't pack. There wasn't much to bring to the hospital anyway. Most things would be provided.

She sat down at her desk and instinctively reached for a manga volume from the nearby shelf—a habit she picked up from Kyousuke.

Even when watching TV, he always had something to read or fiddle with nearby. But she quickly realized all her treasured manga were already at her new place.

With nothing else to do, she scrolled through her phone aimlessly.

It wasn't like she wanted to think. Why dig up heavy thoughts when there's nothing to do? Best to just let the brain go quiet.

Then a screen popped up—something she'd nearly forgotten.

It was the journal given to her by Mitsuha, the shrine maiden. Or rather, the swordmaster, as she was known now.

Sakura chuckled at the neatly dated entries.

'Guess she hasn't switched places with Kyousuke since that day... So the time distortion lasts three years? If I die, will time freeze like that for me too?'

'With how close Kyousuke and I are, maybe it'll freeze even longer.'

She imagined swapping places with a 60-year-old Kyousuke—white hair, white beard.

The idea made her laugh out loud.

Bending down, she opened the desk drawer and pulled out a large notebook from the back corner.

'I'll start a diary too. Just like Mitsuha.'

Grabbing a black marker, she wrote on the cover:

"A Day in Ruyi House."

It was the name she'd given to her new home with Kyousuke. She was sure Kyousuke and Shouko would like it too. Well, at least she loved it. Hehe~

Of course, this diary would never mention her illness. Kyousuke would find out in a heartbeat if she did.

No, she was going to write down only the happy things. Things that would make Kyousuke burst out laughing the moment he read them.

Leaning back in her chair, Sakura looked up at the ceiling.

She didn't know if what she was doing was right or wrong.

In Kyousuke's heart, finding out she was sick would hurt a hundred times more than seeing his efforts go to waste.

She didn't want to make his efforts meaningless. She didn't want to see him sad. She didn't want him to see her this way.

She didn't want to leave him.

She didn't want to die.

Silent tears slid from the corners of her eyes.