Chapter Three: A Broken Bond

Baby Satyrs surrounded me, as I walked to the den. I patted their head, as they circled me joyfully. Their mothers leave them here everyday, in hopes that one of them will learn a thing from me, or Miala. Bad idea, I told them.

The place was huddled up with swords sharper than the whole of Satyrian Sibil, spears and spikes. But then I still do not have a say in what they do around here. Unless I agree to their revolting agreement…

"Hakàn, don't kick your sister," I said, holding the golden haired, ball of fire. He is really a handful…

"Miala? Miala?" I pushed the door for the weapon's inventory.

"Don't scream, Carina! I am tired already," she shouted back.

"Well, well, look who's talking?" I shut the door behind me, walking close to her.

"I hate kids! They are the worst…"

I found Miala, sitting on a pile of rags. Her purple hair was let down, as she curled up over the lot. Snuggling between them, as if she didn't care if one of the swords fell down on her.

"Won't you even let me embrace you after a long day's turmoil?" I asked, waiting for her to lift her head so I could look at her pretty brown eyes.

"Miala?"

"What's wrong with you, Carina? I am not going to pretend nothing happened that day…" she said, exasperated.

Adjusting my hooves, as I leaned down, my arms hugged her snugly. Even after years of working for the Head Forger, she was all but delicate inside. But, I can't let anything come between me and my duty. I thought she would understand.

"Miala, look at me," I said, and she lifted her face to meet my gaze.

Her eyes were puffy, she had cried for so long….

"I missed you," she said with a sigh.

I could tell.

"I missed you too," I said, biting into my lower lip.

"Why were you gone for so long? I couldn't- we couldn't… Last night," she covered her face in her palms, sobbing.

"Miala, please… please." I said, pulling her close.

"This isn't the first time, is it? I know there are so many Centaurs lined up to have your hand, so why would you ever want to be with a measly little abomination like me?" she cried.

"Miala, this isn't about it… How many times do I have to tell you that it doesn't bother me if you are a Haktam." I said, as my eyes were rendered sad from her own sorrow.

"It doesn't? Why else would you leave me in the middle of the night after I told you I loved you?" The hurt was apparent in her voice.

"I have a duty to fulfil. I don't have the liberty to enjoy my own company at times. Can't you see, Miala?" I hoped dearly that she would understand.

"Duty? You have slacked out with me quite a few times to get berries from the woods. Haven't you?" She challenged.

Oh Lord, what would I even do with this woman?

"That's because I wanted to spend time with you, Mi. Is it wrong for me to be a little selfish?"

"Save it, Carina. I should have never trusted you." She stood up from where she slept.

"Miala, stop… Listen to me, darling," The words sounded croaked and half hearted. This is definitely not my cup of tea.

"Don't you dare darling me! Were the pearls more important to you than my own feelings? I thought you treated me differently from them, Carina!"

"You are being impossible, Mi! I would never treat anyone any differently if…"

"No, you would! You would, Carina! You think I am a traitor!" She cried, tears pooled up in her eyes.

"Stop it, Miala! Don't victimise yourself for nothing! You have no idea what I have been through-" I bunched my brows.

"You wouldn't have to if you could just stay…" She pressed.

"I thought you knew me better than that, Mi. I kissed you for God's sake!" I was completely losing it… Let her be kind, because I couldn't afford to after this…

"I couldn't let the trespasser escape. The complaints are all over the Council, and if they find out I have been slipping away from my duties they will replace me…"

"Oh then let them! We can be right here, making weapons for the King, living happily," she sobbed.

"I- I don't want to, Miala. I don't want to be stuck in the same place. I feel alive when…"

"When you are killing someone of my own kind? I get it… Because that's what you always do. You hurt me, Carina. You hurt me!" Tears dripped down her cheeks.

"Do you always have to bring this up every time?" I seethed.

"How can I not? You always talk about how much you hate fairies and then you kiss me and disappear. Is that a joke? I-"

"What's wrong with you-" I retorted.

"I love you. That's what!" Her knees buckled up, as she fell to the ground.

"I know, I know you do…" How will I ever get out of this mess? I could only wish.

"Then why won't you pick me, Carina? Is it so hard for you to love me the way I am?" She sobbed.

"For God's sake stop bringing up your damned bloodline between this! I don't care if your asshole ruler had your wings removed, Miala! I don't… I really don't…" I was panting, from speaking too much, too fast.

"How could you?" she said, before hiding her face between her palms.

"Miala, this isn't all that hard to understand… I- I just love my freedom. It has nothing to do with you. And even if I love you, and I can't love you anymore than I love myself. I am not you… Do you not understand it?" I said, sympathetically.

"Then you shouldn't have kissed me," she said, lifting her gaze as she wiped her tears.

"Mi- I still love you," I pleaded.

"No, you don't…You don't. Don't you dare convince me otherwise," Her eyes looked stormy and grey from the realisation.

"Just because I don't love you the way you like me to doesn't mean I don't love you," I pressed, enraged.

"And just because you love me any different, doesn't mean I owe you anything for it. I-" She choked on her words.

"I don't want to see you," She said.

"Miala, I thought we could talk this out. I have been to the Fae wat-"

"I said I don't want to see you. Leave… Leave this instant. Don't make it any hard for me, Carina," her voice broke as often as her heart did. I am sorry.

"Fine, have it your way, then," I walked out without a second thought as the door banged behind me.

If she can't get her head out of her nonexistent wings, and accept me for what I am, I won't beg her to. Neither can I watch her getting hurt like that.

Perhaps, it's for the best, or for the worst. All I know is, I can never put love before my own duties. Tsk. Even if it's for the only person I value the most…I can't.