Chapter 9: The Struggle Against Letting Go

Adi, though strong in his resolve, now finds himself battling a powerful impulse—the urge to let go.

If life has no purpose, then why does he still want?

Why does he still seek?

If life is without direction, then why does he feel the need to climb higher, to reach the top, to become divine?

Wasn't he life itself? Then why did he have a purpose, a goal?

Or was he separate from life?

When does life gain qualities—desires, attachments, aspirations? Is purpose an illusion? Or is it something that arises only when a being attains self-awareness?

These questions claw at his mind, unraveling what he thought he had begun to understand. He feels himself sinking into an abyss of uncertainty.

And all the while, the memories continue.

Every moment, he relives countless lifetimes, passing through cycles beyond counting. He sees now that what he is going through is not unique—others before him, other conscious, self-realized beings across the universe, have undergone this same journey. He had once thought Earth was special, that life here was unique. But now he knows—Earth is merely one of countless worlds, each teeming with life, each existing within the same plane.

And beyond these?

There are higher planes, realms where he has already lived, where he has taken forms beyond human comprehension.

Yet something stands out in these existences—none of them were self-aware.

Adi sees himself in forms that would be considered celestial, godlike even—beings of pure energy, entities with power beyond measure, creatures whose existence spanned eons. Yet, despite their abilities, their strength, their influence over creation and destruction, they lacked true awareness.

They existed. They functioned. They carried out their roles within the cosmos, just as rivers flow, just as stars burn.

But they did not question.

They did not seek.

They did not wonder who they were.

They were, but they did not know that they were.

And that realization shakes Adi more than anything.

All those existences, all those beings—so much greater than his human self, so much more powerful, yet they lacked the one thing that he now possesses: the awareness of the self.

This was the fundamental difference.

And so, his struggle deepens.

If power and divinity did not grant awareness, then what did?

If gods could exist without knowing the self, then what was he searching for?

The immensity of existence leaves him shaken.

The universe is vaster than he had ever imagined—not just in size, but in the sheer depth of what it means to be.

This first revelation—the understanding of life itself—proves to be an immense hurdle. It tests him, challenges his very resolve. He had thought himself prepared, but the weight of knowing threatens to shatter him.

And this is only the beginning.

More revelations will come. More truths will unravel before him. And if just this—the nature of life—feels overwhelming, how will he stand when the deeper truths of existence reveal themselves?

But one thing is now clear:

Life is just one aspect.

It is not the ultimate force that defines who or what he is.

And if life alone does not determine his path—then what does?