Feelings

Bill's Pov*

"Bill, you must cross the line... You must save us..."

I jumped out of bed in an instant at the sound of that strange voice, my body trembling uncontrollably...

I placed my hand over my face, trying to suppress the pounding headache that felt like it was about to split my skull open. Maybe I shouldn't have read that novel before bed... or maybe I've truly gone insane...

**"Anyway... what was that?"**

A woman's voice, filled with sorrow, emotion, and a whirlwind of mixed feelings... asking for help? I sighed, lost in thought.

**"Me? Saving someone? I can't even save myself from this miserable life... how could I possibly save someone else?"**

What's happening to me...? A life that already feels like hell, and now I'm losing my mind too...?

I couldn't sleep after that, no matter how hard I tried. Fear, anxiety, and doubt kept slumber far out of reach...

I headed to the kitchen to get some water. It was already extremely late—probably around three in the morning...

**"What are you doing up at this hour, Bill?"**

A deep voice, laced with a strange kind of emotion, stopped me in my tracks. I instantly recognized its owner.

I turned to face him, my expression blank.

**"I just want some water, Dad. Since when did you care about what I do, anyway?"**

I replied in a flat, emotionless tone, like a programmed machine.

I took what I needed, and as I made my way back to my room, something happened that I never expected—no, something I never wanted...

I saw it again. It moved.

Those damn threads.

My body trembled, my lips quivered, and my eyes darted in fear, unable to focus.

I couldn't move, as if I were standing in front of one of those monsters from horror stories and films...

On the other hand, he simply smirked slightly and turned to leave.

"Before I forget, do you need anything...? Something for the competitions, perhaps?"

His words carried a strange tone, cutting through me like the edge of a sharp blade.

After all these years of neglect and suffering, now you're trying to buy my forgiveness with meaningless gifts...?

Slowly, I moved my lips, carefully choosing my words.

**"Just keep your word... other than that, I don't need anything."**

He hummed to himself with an odd expression that sent a shiver down my spine, then quietly disappeared into his room.

My legs began trembling violently, refusing to stop.

Every single fiber of my being screamed at me to run away, to get as far from this cursed house as possible.

**"He's... terrifying..."**

I whispered in a barely audible voice, and with difficulty—feeling as though I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders—I dragged myself back to my room.

Burying my face into my bed, I trembled.

**"W-what's happening to me...? This... this goes beyond madness..."**

I couldn't even bring myself to leave my room, frozen in place as fear consumed me...

After that, my father left on a business trip, so I didn't see or communicate with him for an entire week.

For the first time in a long while, I felt a sense of peace.

At the same time, I was avoiding my mother as well. I even stopped eating with them...

Little by little, my fear started to fade, but that strange dream still lingered in my mind—I thought about it every single day.

On Sunday morning, I decided to go out for a walk. Staying locked in my room all day, doing nothing but reading, suddenly felt like a waste...

**"Where do you think you're going?"**

A voice filled with arrogance rang from behind me, making me want to curse its owner to oblivion.

**"None of your business, brother. Don't you have responsibilities to take care of today?"**

His disgusting face twisted with anger as he stepped closer.

**"Since when did you get so full of yourself, Bill? Looks like you need some discipline again. And I'll make sure you finish those responsibilities today."**

I sighed at his ridiculous words.

It seemed like he wanted to pick a fight with me again.

But at least this time, I felt a little relieved—the threads wrapped around him were thin and few, nowhere near as terrifying as the ones around our father or mother...

He clenched his fingers into a tight fist and started advancing toward me.

**"If you throw your punch like that, you'll break your fingers. And your foot positioning is wrong—you'll lose your balance that way."**

I warned him.

He grinned from ear to ear.

Of course, I was lying.

He was already part of a self-defense club, and he was somewhat skilled in fighting.

Trying to take him on in a real fight would only get me beaten senseless.

**"Since when were you better than me at anything?"**

Since the day you were born, you bastard...

Not that I'd ever say that to his face.

He lunged forward, throwing a barrage of punches—at my face, my stomach, my sides.

For a kid, he was surprisingly decent.

I took my stance, blocking three strikes, but the fourth landed straight in my stomach...

I staggered back slightly, watching as he smirked and flexed his fingers.

Then, he leapt at me, aiming a curved punch at my face.

That bastard was faster and stronger than me...

I couldn't dodge or block in time.

Then—*BOOM!*

His fist smashed into my face, knocking me down as a thin trail of blood trickled from my nose.

The bastard jumped on top of me as I struggled to get up, trying to land more punches.

**"Come on, you little shit! Do something!"**

He shouted while raining blows down toward my face.

I raised my hands to block as best as I could.

**"Brother... the karaoke place near your school... the girls who tricked you into giving them all the money Mom gave you... skipping class... and finally, bullying the top students, using violence against them..."**

He froze in place, unable to continue his attack. His brows furrowed deeply.

**"Big brother... do you realize what will happen if Dad and Mom find out? Or if the principal hears about your fights and bullying?"**

His anger boiled over, but he hesitated, stepping back.

That gave me the chance to get up.

"You bastard... how do you know all that?!"

"Big brother, how about we strike a deal... for the sake of your future?"

He regained his composure and focused on my words.

"What kind of deal?"

"From now until the end of middle school, you'll secretly give me half of your allowance, and in return, you'll stay out of my business. In exchange, I won't tell Mom and Dad about your childish antics and school troubles."

Shock flashed across his face, his anger evident.

He clearly didn't like the terms.

"You bastard... you mean four years of splitting my money with you?!"

I remained expressionless.

"That's right. And remember, you don't really have a choice. If the principal finds out, you'll be expelled. If Mom finds out, you'll be grounded for a long, long time. Think about it—making a deal with me is the better option."

Despite his irritation, he knew I was right.

"Fine... I'll do it. But don't you dare betray me."

I extended my hand toward him.

He hesitated but understood the message, then disappeared into his room.

Five minutes later, he returned with the money, surprisingly without skimming off a single cent.

"Well, brother, pleasure doing business with you. From now on, stay away from me."

I left the house, leaving him to stew in his frustration and helplessness, unsure of what to do next.

I had been preparing for this day for over three months. But in the end, it was worth the effort. Making him step aside and give me his money was a satisfying conclusion, in a way.

Since I was in a relatively good mood today, I decided to take the longer route, looping around near the school…

I was lost in thought, completely immersed in everything happening to me…

At the moment I lifted my gaze, I caught sight of a girl my age, wearing glasses, tears streaming down her face. Three other kids her age stood nearby, laughing.

It was Carla. In a miserable state, as usual. And also—those damned threads around her…

I rubbed my eyes forcefully, but they wouldn't disappear.

The girl was covered in bruises, one of her books torn, and her eyes filled with unshed tears.

*"Even if you win, you won't be able to cure your mother's illness. So just give up—you can't do anything."*

The boy's words dripped with anger and resentment. He was clearly jealous of her success. Meanwhile, the other two wore disgusting smirks…

But then, I saw them.

Those threads.

Those fools had them too…

I was thinking about what to do. I wanted to understand these cursed things better…

*"Isn't that the boss…?"*

Behind me, a cheerful voice called out. I immediately recognized the owner from the wide grin on his face.

*"It's you guys. You came at just the right time—I have a job for you."*

I pointed toward the three kids surrounding the girl.

"Do you want us to deal with them, boss?"

For some reason, they seemed excited at the idea.

"But even if we help her, this will just happen again…"

"Why is that…?"

*"The truth is, her father abandoned her when she was little, and her mother is currently sick. So everyone uses her father's absence as an excuse to bully and mock her. You could say it's… normal for her."*

Normal? Since when was unprovoked violence and bullying considered normal? This world is so damn stupid…

Thinking about it, the winner of the competition gets a cash prize. That means she wants to help her mother. That explains why she works so hard.

Seeing that girl go through all this… for some reason, it reminded me of what I had been through. What I am *still* going through…

*"I don't want any of them running away. Beat them to a pulp."*

The three of them grinned wickedly. Without warning, they lunged forward and started the beating.

The other kids couldn't do a thing—they just stood there, taking the hits, their eyes trembling as if they were about to cry.

In just five minutes, the job was done. And they did it *perfectly*. It's great having minions to do your dirty work.

I stepped forward and stood in front of them while the girl behind me sobbed.

*"Stop crying, Carla. It won't fix anything."*

But despite my words, her tears only flowed harder.

I understood. I had cried before too, until my eyes ran dry. But unfortunately, crying never has—and never will—fix a damn thing.

I turned my gaze away and approached the boy responsible for everything.

*"W-what do you want? We were just talking to her…"*

His face was covered in bruises, his expression filled with fear.

*"What kind of 'talk' would make her cry like that?"*

The boy lowered his head, searching for an excuse.

*"She wants to win the competition to get money for her mother's treatment because her father abandoned her."*

*"So what? What's the problem?"*

He had no answer. A bunch of idiots, trying to win by threatening others. They only see things from their narrow perspective.

*"Besides, you all misunderstood something—I don't actually care what happens to her. I just… want to enjoy myself. Now, put him on the ground."*

One of my guys grabbed their so-called leader and slammed him down.

*"W-what is this—"*

Before he could finish, I planted my foot on his head and pressed down hard.

*"How does it feel to be bullied? Tell me—how does it feel to be looked down on with absolute disgust? Is it nice?"*

At first, he tried to act tough, but soon enough, he started crying and screaming like a little girl.

*"Come on, tell me—how do you feel right now?"*

I ignored his wailing and focused only on his emotions.

*"I—I'm sorry! I won't do it again!"*

*"I don't want your apologies. Tell me, how does it feel to be stepped on like an insect?"*

His sobs grew louder.

*"I-it's awful… It's the worst feeling… I—I won't do it again! I'm sorry!"*

His voice, mixed with his tears, sounded somewhat sincere… But I grabbed his hair, and before he could react, I slapped him hard across the face. His whole body shuddered, his eyes trembling with pain.

*"We're just getting started. Bear with it, isn't that what you always tell your victims?"*

In that moment, I realized something.

I had lost my emotions.

I had lost my ability to empathize with others.

I didn't feel anything anymore…

Fear filled the eyes of the other two boys. They didn't know what to do.

"Put them on the ground too."

The moment they were forced down, they started crying and apologizing—though it was too late, and utterly worthless. But now that they had tasted the same pain, they would never do it again.

" Alright. From now on, the six of you will be one group. You'll stick together, and when I need you, I'll call. Got it?"

They all nodded immediately.

"Good. Now get lost."

At this rate, I might just end up forming a gang in the future…

Everyone left, and I turned to the girl behind me. Fear was still visible on her face.

"Go home. I'll get you a new book to replace the one they tore."

As I started walking away, I noticed she was still frozen in place, unable to pull herself together, her head lowered, tears dripping.

"Thank you… Thank you so much for helping me… I'm sorry for causing you trouble."

Seeing her like that… it was heartbreaking.

Even though my own heart was already dead.

I stepped forward and placed my hand on her head.

The words I had *desperately* wanted to hear in moments like these echoed in my mind.

"It's alright. You didn't do anything wrong. Everything will be fine. Because from now on… this won't happen to you again."

My words only made her cry harder.

Those were the words I had *needed* to hear all my life.

But no one had ever said them to me.

Maybe Carla, struggling through her own hardships, had never heard them either…

After a few moments, she finally pulled herself together and straightened up.

"Looks like you've calmed down now. Alright, go home."

Carla stood up, staring at me strangely. I didn't know what she wanted.

"Thank you again… for helping me."

"Just focus on the competition. You need to win first place, right?"

She nodded firmly. It seemed this year's victory was hers.

Carla walked off in one direction, while I went in another—aimlessly.

The next morning, the first thing I did was head straight to the principal's office.

"Oh, Bill! You've never come to my office before. Do you need something?"

His smile was the same as always. Though he had his own hidden motives, he was still a kind and considerate person toward his students.

"I want to withdraw from the competition. Please remove my name."

Even though it was my choice, my decision…

I never realized it would be the worst decision of my life.

And the reason for my downfall.