Chapter 15: Love After Heartbreak

From the outside, David and Emily's marriage of several years appeared ideal. But cracks had started to show under the surface. David had no plan of stopping his cheating on Emily with his girlfriend Jane. One evening, he brought it up nonchalantly as they sat in their living room. Emily felt like she had been punched in the gut when she started hearing his words. Emily said, her voice shaking with feeling, "You're cheating on me?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. David shrugged, "And you're telling me this like it's no big deal? I am simply being honest, Emily. Together Jane and I find pleasure in spending time."

Emily felt alive and energized when she was listening to David's words; he was fun and exciting. Her eyes practically filled with tears. Emily wondered why David would want to inflict her so much anguish, feeling betrayed and upset, and she could not understand. "How can you do this to me?" she screamed, her voice trembling. "I supposed our marriage was decent. We were happy, I thought." David, with a dismissive laugh, sighed, "Let's call off our good marriage, Emily. Still, I am not happy with our connectivity."

Emily felt a wave of anger flow over her. "I need more thrills and variety in my life, and Jane supplies them to me." Emily spat, her voice venomous, "You're willing to throw away our marriage for this... this... thing?" She couldn't understand why he would throw it away for something as transient as an affair, nor could she believe David's audacity. "You're ready to betray my trust and hurt me for something that's only going to last a few months?" David shrugged again. "I'm not weighing the long-term implications, Emily. I'm just thinking about what I want right now, and I want to be with Jane."

Emily's rage overflowed, and she arose, her eyes aflame. "You're sick," she spat. David stood up, his face calm and expressionless. "You're a horrible, self-willful, arrogant man who only cares about himself." "I'm just being honest, Emily," he kept saying. Emily laughed, a grating, hard sound, "I'm not trying to hurt you." "You're not trying to hurt me?" she kept repeating. "You're cheating on me," David said. "For some cheap thrill you're throwing our marriage away." David sighed. "You could never ever imagine how much you're injuring me." "I am sorry you feel that way, Emily." Her eyes sparked with rage. "You're sorry?" she reiterated. David shrugged. "You're sorry? That's all you can say? You're sorry?" "What do you want me to say, Emily?" said Emily faintly. "You are going to stop cheating on me—I want you to say you intend to improve our marriage by working at it." David shook his head. "You need to love me and be dedicated to me. Not Emily; I am not going to say any of these things."

Emily felt as if she had been struck in the stomach again, as the words were not accurate. "You're not going to change, are you?" she whispered, feeling like she was going to throw up and gasping; she could not stop breathing. David nodded, "You're going to keep cheating on me, no matter how much it hurts me." "True, Emily. I'm afraid that is accurate." A sense of hopelessness washed over her as she saw she was stuck in a loveless marriage with a man who would hurt her repeatedly.

Emily turned and left David standing alone in the living room without uttering another word. Though she knew she had to get out of there, she didn't know where she was heading or what she would be doing. Numbness enveloped her as she walked. She began to feel a sense of rage burning inside her as she moved along, yet she felt like she was in shock, unable to make sense of what had just happened. Emily understood she should be treated differently; she deserved more than a man who would deceive her and be unfaithful. With fresh resolve, she left the house and entered a new era of life. She was prepared to confront the future head-on, even if she didn't know what it would look like.

Emily experienced a wave of relief as she left the house. She was eventually free from the abusive romance suffocating her. Though she was resolved to create a fresh life for herself—one in which she was valued and loved—she did not know what the future held. David, in contrast, appeared to be undisturbed by Emily's departure. Shrugging, he sank back into the couch, grabbed the remote control, and kept watching TV. Emily settled into a new rhythm as the days went on. He didn't even try to stand and stop her from leaving. She started taking courses at a nearby college and moved into a modest flat. Even with her newfound independence, Emily couldn't rid herself of the pain and rage that David's unfaithfulness had left her with. She made new friends and started to rebuild her life, always questioning if she was lovable while struggling to trust once more.

One day, Emily ran into David's partner Jane on campus. Small and blond, Jane had a complacent expression. Jane replied, her voice oozing irony, "Well, well, well; look what we have here." Emily felt enraged for the unfortunate little wife left behind, but she would not let Jane reach her. Still, she stood erect and gazed Jane right in the eye. "You may have won David's attention," Emily said, her tone steady, "but you'll never have his heart." For a second, Jane's smug look dropped, and Emily saw doubt flicker in her eyes. "A thief and a liar, he will never be honest with you." Then Jane's mask slipped back into place, and she sneered, "We will see about that," before turning and walking away. Emily watched Jane go and felt a measure of contentment.

She was resolved to carry on with her life, knowing she had told the truth. Emily had closure as she left that encounter. She realized she could be better without David and his infidelity. She was ready to begin a different phase of life, one where she was accepted and welcomed for her personality.

Jane's meeting with Emily made her feel strong and assured. She knew she had been in denial, struggling to keep a relationship clearly at an end. She was ready to let go and begin anew. Walking across campus, Emily felt free and open. At last, she was liberated to be herself, free from David's unfaithfulness weighing her down. Over the following few weeks, Emily immersed herself in her new life and her studies. She felt as if she could breathe once more, as if she had been granted a second lease on life.

Gradually redefining her sense of self and direction, she made new acquaintances and tried new activities. She began to see a psychologist who guided her in dealing with her rage and sense of betrayal; as she reflected on her marriage, she came to understand that she had been living in an emotional numb state. She had been so concentrated on trying to save the marriage that she had lost her ability to feel. But now she was starting to feel once more, and it was both exhilarating and frightening.