The Day Kaelen Got Kidnapped (By Accident)

Kaelen, the God-King of Absolute Ridiculousness, was having the best nap of his life.

The kingdom was peaceful. The Chicken Nation was thriving. Umbra had successfully grown a flower that whispered bad poetry.

Everything was finally calm.

Then he woke up inside a burlap sack.

Step One: Figuring Out What the Heck Was Happening

Kaelen blinked in confusion. He was floating. Or rather—he was being carried.

He sighed. "Okay, who is kidnapping me this time?"

A muffled voice outside the sack whispered, "Shhh! Be quiet! We don't want the God-King to hear us!"

Kaelen frowned. "…I am the God-King."

The voices gasped in horror.

Another voice whispered, "Wait… you put him in the sack without knocking him out first?!"

"I thought he was asleep! I didn't want to be rude!"

Kaelen groaned. "I literally have godlike powers. Do you guys not know who I am?"

A third voice whispered, "Oh, we know who you are, mighty Kaelen! That's why we kidnapped you!"

Kaelen sighed. "Alright. And why did you kidnap me?"

The voices hesitated.

Then, awkwardly, one of them muttered, "…We were hoping you'd fix our village's plumbing problem."

Kaelen blinked.

Then he burst out laughing.

Step Two: Accepting the Weirdest Kidnapping Request Ever

Moments later, Kaelen teleported himself out of the sack, landing in front of his captors.

They were a group of small, very nervous villagers, staring up at him like they had just angered an ancient dragon.

One of them, an elderly man with a cane, cleared his throat. "Uh. Your Majesty. We… um. Apologize for the sack."

Kaelen smirked. "You know, most people just send a letter when they need help."

The old man looked guilty. "We thought you wouldn't come if we just asked."

Kaelen crossed his arms. "And why is that?"

The old man sighed. "Because it's not a world-ending disaster. It's just… our toilets are broken."

Kaelen blinked.

Lyria, Thorne, and Umbra suddenly teleported next to him, all looking incredibly amused.

Lyria grinned. "Oh wow. This is way better than a war."

Thorne smirked. "God-King of Plumbing. Has a nice ring to it."

Umbra just nodded. "Fitting, really."

Kaelen sighed. "Fine. Show me the problem."

Step Three: Fixing the Most Ridiculous Problem Ever

The village's entire sewer system was flooding—but not with water.

With sentient bubbles.

Kaelen pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't even have to ask. This was probably my fault."

The old man nodded. "Yes, uh… someone in the village accidentally spilled a drop of your magic coffee into the pipes."

Kaelen sighed. "Of course. And now the bubbles are alive."

A particularly large bubble floated past him. It had tiny eyes and a tiny mouth.

It popped dramatically and whispered, "Farewell, cruel world…"

Lyria doubled over laughing. "OH MY GOD. THIS IS AMAZING."

Thorne muttered, "I hate how on-brand this is for us."

Kaelen took a deep breath. "Alright. Stand back. I'll fix it."

He