You too, Brutus!!!

'EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE FUCK?!'

Adonis barely had time to process what his own mouth had just said before—

BOOM.

Hell broke loose.

The tuxedoed men—at least the ones still capable of standing—suddenly charged him like an army of unpaid interns storming HR.

Adonis did what any reasonable, chemically-compromised man would do in this situation.

He screamed like a little bitch.

And just like that—bam—he was yoinked back to reality.

This time, his entire face was smothered by Alexa's hands.

"Oh my god, Adonis!" she shrieked. "Stop screaming like a damn manchild! It's giving me major ick."

Adonis immediately stopped.

Not because she told him to. Oh no.

He just wanted to make sure he heard her correctly.

He peeled her hands off his face, looked her dead in the eyes, and with all the dignity left in his rattled, shell-shocked soul, said—

"Bitch, shut yo ass up."

And then—thud.

He dropped back onto the couch, clutching his chest, heaving deep, panicked breaths, staring up at the disco lights like they were the goddamn constellations of his fucking fate.

This wasn't the edibles.

This wasn't some rich-boy-gone-too-hard-at-a-party moment.

No.

Something else was happening.

And Adonis was definitely not high enough for this shit.

'Fuck! I am dying! fuck!'

Adonis's hand reached out, shaking like a fragile old man about to deliver his final fucking words.

Alexa, despite wanting to kick him for screaming at her earlier, grabbed it.

Because let's be real—money was money.

"I want you to know..." 

He rasped, his breath shallow.

Alexa snapped to attention. This was it. This was some deep, rich-boy deathbed confession type shit.

Meanwhile, Jeff was in the background screaming for help like a medieval peasant watching a witch burn at the stake.

Alexa ignored him.

She leaned in closer, her heart pounding. What if it was a billion-dollar secret? Maybe some illegally stashed treasure in the Caribbean? A hidden offshore account?

The party lights flickered off, leaving only the fake twinkling stars on the ceiling.

"I..."

A hush fell over the crowd. People gathered around, holding their drinks like this was the most dramatic moment of their entire drunken, horny-ass lives.

Alexa was ready to shove her entire ear down his throat just to catch every single syllable.

"I...I..."

Adonis sucked in a rattling breath.

He finally spoke.

"I...I...I have erectile dysfunction."

"..."

"..."

Silence.

A silence so deep, so violent, even the music in the background fucking stopped.

Somewhere in the crowd, a beer can dropped to the floor with an audible clank.

Jeff made a sound like a dying walrus, his entire body convulsing as he tried and failed to hold in his laughter.

One of the drunk party girls gasped like he had just announced a terminal illness.

A dude whispered, "Bro, not even Viagra?"

Alexa wanted to punch a hole through the space-time continuum and REWIND THIS ENTIRE NIGHT.

Her eye twitched. Her fingers curled into fists. Her dreams of Caribbean gold and fuck-you money died a painful, excruciating death.

She let go of Adonis's hand.

Then she stood up. Smoothed down her dress.

And said, with all the calmness of a woman on the brink of a felony—

"You absolute fucking waste of a rich man."

Adonis's vision was fucked.

Blurry shapes moved around him, voices echoing like some trippy-ass horror movie. He could barely make out the doctors rushing to him, poking at his body like he was a goddamn science experiment.

The starry ceiling lights shimmered, flickering in and out—until one bright light focused on him.

A tunnel? A portal? The actual afterlife?

Shit. Was he dying?

Then, through the haze, Jeff's face appeared.

His best buddy. His closest, oldest friend.

Adonis actually smiled, relief washing over him. If anyone was gonna see him off, at least it was—

Wait.

Why the fuck was Jeff looking guilty?

Adonis squinted.

Jeff's lips moved, forming words.

"This was the only way, forgive me, brother..."

Adonis's entire soul shattered.

His breath hitched. His heart skipped a beat.

'YOU TOO, BRUTUS?!?!?!'

And just like that, the light swallowed him.

As his consciousness faded, as the world turned into static, Adonis finally understood the true meaning of fuck around and find out.

...

Meanwhile, in another universe, on another planet…

A man—a ridiculously handsome, unfairly muscular, sculpted-like-a-goddamn-statue-of-lust man—lay completely naked on a bed.

His entire body was covered in bruises, scratches, and questionable bite marks.

Even his cock had a deep-ass cut on it—which should have been illegal because why the fuck would the universe allow that to happen to a dick that perfect?!

Beside him, a drop-dead gorgeous woman was gently tending to his wounds, her hands soft, her expression full of delicate concern.

Everything was calm. Peaceful. Almost romantic, even.

Until—

"JEFF, YOU BASTARD!!!"

The man fucking SHRIEKED, his body lurching upright like he'd just been possessed.

The woman let out a blood-curdling scream, her chair violently screeching backward before toppling over.

She hit the floor with a loud thud, her eyes wide as fuck in pure terror.

The man was still screaming.

Eyes wide. Muscles tense. Dick trembling in pure existential horror.

Somewhere, across galaxies, across dimensions—

Jeff probably sneezed.