The 3 AM Revelation

It's 3 AM, and I can't sleep. Thoughts—racing, relentless—run through my head like a scene from a twisted movie. From one to the next, like I'm chasing my own tail. I look at the ceiling, my mind an ugly jumble of contradictions. On the outside, I'm the girl everyone thinks I am. Smart, quiet, good-hearted, always smiling. But inside? I want to watch you choke on your blood, feel the heat rise from your throat as your life drains away. Is that what they mean by "bad thoughts"?

Maybe I should just remove your voice box. Make sure you never speak again.

I'm kidding… or maybe not.

It's strange, really. The world looks at me and sees a scent—a girl who's studying electronics and telecommunications, excelling in all the modules, just one interview away from Telecom Namibia. The quiet achiever. The perfect student. But the truth? I'm not done with anything. I'm stuck in my third year. Eight modules behind. Broke. No phone. No laptop. My bank account is a joke. I sleep with guys just to scrape together cab money for school.

I'm quiet, yes. But I'm not innocent. Hell, I'm the worst person anyone could ever hear about.

And that's when it hits me—the real mess I've made of my life. This isn't who I am. It's just the story I tell myself to stay alive. And to survive, I've lied. To myself, to the world, and to you.