The Ashen OF Phoenix
The rebels stared as Li Chen rose, his eyes glowing red like a malfunctioning stove. The Húnjīng Shí's blackened veins now covered his face like a bad tattoo. Xiao Lan snorted. "You look like a cracked teacup."
Xuě Húlí circled him, tails flicking. "Congrats! You've upgraded from 'pathetic human' to 'slightly less pathetic zombie.'"
Li Chen scowled. "Can you not roast me while I'm having an existential crisis?"
The fox grinned. "Where's the fun in that?"
---
**The Rebellion's Doubt**
The rebels huddled around campfires, side-eyeing Li Chen. One muttered, "He's either our savior or a walking time bomb."
Another shrugged. "My ex was both. We'll survive."
Xiao Lan plopped beside Li Chen, handing him broth. "Here. Tastes like sewage, but it's warm."
He sipped and gagged. "Did you boil this in a boot?"
"Yep. Your boot."
Xuě Húlí materialized, sniffing the broth. "I've licked asteroids tastier than this."
---
**The Corruption**
That night, Li Chen's Húnjīng Shí nightmares got weird.
Nightmare 1: Progenitors in disco armor fighting shadow aliens to jazz music.
Nightmare 2: Xuě Húlí as a giant floating head yelling, "YOU SUCK!" on loop.
He woke sweating. The crystal had burned a hole in his bedroll.
Xuě Húlí peered at the charred ground. "Nice work. Next time, try summoning a campfire. We could use s'mores."
---
**The Empire's Hunt**
At dawn, Yun Teng announced Imperial drones were closing in. "We move north. Li Chen says there's a vault."
A rebel raised his hand. "What's in the vault? Treasure? Traps? Giant man-eating slugs?"
Li Chen deadpanned. "Yes."
The man nodded. "Fair enough. I've dated worse."
---
**The Journey North**
The desert tested them. Sandstorms, acid rain, and a crab-like mutant that stole Xiao Lan's toolbox.
"Give that back!" she yelled, chasing it.
Li Chen tripped over a rock, face-planting into sand. Xuě Húlí cackled. "Graceful. Remind me to nominate you for Galactic Idol."
Xiao Lan returned, toolbox in hand, mutant crab tied with wires. "Meet our new pet. I named him Clamps."
Li Chen sighed. "Why?"
"Because he clamps onto my last nerve."
---
**The Vault**
The vault door opened, revealing a glowing circlet.
Xuě Húlí gagged. "Ugh, Progenitor fashion. It's like they raided a goth toddler's jewelry box."
Li Chen reached for the crown.
Xiao Lan yanked his arm. "Stop! What if it turns you into a megalomaniac?"
He paused. "…I'm already following a talking fox's advice. How much worse could it get?"
The crown fused to his head.
Xuě Húlí smirked. "New look. Very 'evil K-pop star.'"
---
**The Crown's Trial**
The crown hurled Li Chen into a vision: a cozy cottage, Mei baking pies, and a talking squirrel in a top hat.
Squirrel: "Stay here! It's peaceful! Also, I'm your spirit animal!"
Húnjīng Shí: KILL THE RODENT.
Li Chen punted the squirrel. It poofed into confetti.
Mei frowned. "That was rude."
"You're not real," he muttered. "And real Mei hated baking."
The vision shattered.
Xuě Húlí blinked. "You resisted a talking squirrel. I'm… almost impressed."