Track 4: Sunshine Girl

Ilaria's POV

"Okay, okay. I think we should do some icebreakers," Jules says. Everyone groans in response because icebreakers suck. "No, guys, listen. Ilaria doesn't even know us that well, and we don't know her like that either, so like… it's the smart thing to do. Right, Ilaria?"

I freeze, not liking how suddenly all the pressure was on me. I was never the best at decision making. My brothers typically made all the decisions for me, even when I wanted to make them myself. Eventually I just gave up, because it only annoyed them and got me nowhere. Hence why I have approximately zero experience and a negative trillion ability to make actually good decisions—or decisions at all.

"Uh… maybe we should take a vote?"

"Perfect idea!" She says, clapping hands. "All in favor of ice breakers, say 'aye!'"

Surprisingly everyone responds in some variation of "Ugh, fine."

I smile, although no one notices. I can't believe that I made a decision properly. It felt… good to be able to do something for myself. Even if it was barely a step, it felt like a giant leap in the right direction. I'm not sure if there even is a right direction, but it feels like I'm heading towards it, anyways.

"I think Danny should ask the first question, since he's driving." Stella says.

"I don't understand what that has to do with anything."

The annoyance in his voice is palpable, and I can't help but try my hardest not to laugh. I fail, and it causes Stella and Jesse to smirk, and Jules to laugh too. Even Danny's trying to hide a smile.

I blush when I catch Danny's eye from the rearview mirror, and again when I find Stella glancing at me. It's kind of funny, because whenever I catch them looking at me like that, they look away. I do the same. This time my head swivels towards the window, and I catch site of my favorite McDonald's as we drive past it. I swear I see one of Camden's cars as we drive past. I try to calm my panic, because for all I know it could be someone else's car. Plus, even if it is him, there's no way of him to know that I'm in here.

"Alright," Danny says, his voice slashing through my negative thoughts. "If you want me to ask a question, then everyone has to say their full name and a fun fact about it."

Stella swears under her breath, and I try not to giggle again. I have a feeling that this question was aimed specifically at her, considering the way she's glaring at Danny. It's so funny to watch them argue, especially because it's like everything they do is done to directly annoy each other. It's never in malice though, only in good fun. Every so often, I can see them secretly trying to hide laughs or smiles.

"And, Stella's first."

"No way, asshole. Everyone already knows about me—we don't know basically anything about Ilaria, so I say she goes first."

"No, because—"

"It's fine, Danny. I don't mind," I say.

He rolls his eyes, but smiles at me through the rearview regardless. It feels good to believe that maybe I can be a part of the group's dynamic, even if it's only as a peace-keeper.

"My full name is Ilaria Sunshine—"

"Sunshine? Your name is Sunshine?" Jesse says. He sounds as if someone had told him that dinosaurs were still roaming the earth.

"It's my middle name, but yes?" I'm confused on why this is such a big deal. It's just a name.

"Let her finish," Danny and Stella say, their voices overlapping as they speak in sync. They both scowl when they hear the other's voice.

I giggle before I continue. "Anyways, my full name is Ilaria Sunshine Lombardi. My first name is Ilaria because my dad wanted the firstborn of both genders to have Italian names, and my middle name is Sunshine because I'm the only girl to be born into our family for five generations. I have four brothers, and mom said she was so glad that there was more estrogen around that she had to name me as her 'bright spot.'"

"Holy shit, your Mom must've hated your brothers then."

At first, I'm in shock at Jesse's words. Then, seconds later I'm erupting into laughter. She didn't hate them, but she did resent them to some extent. When I was little and she was still alive, she used to complain to me all the time about wanting 'more estrogen but no more kids.' Then, the accident happened and she wasn't able to complain anymore—because she was dead.

My father died in the accident too—although I'm almost a hundred percent sure that he's not at peace. Mostly because he's probably still stuck listening to her constant complaints in the afterlife. I'd feel bad if he wasn't such a despicable human.

"Jesse!" Everyone gasps, horrified. I'm still laughing, though.

"It's okay, guys. He's kinda right, anyways."

I hear everyone breathe out a sigh of relief. I also see a few small grins growing on their faces.

Jesse was practically glowing. He was clearly proud of the reactions he had elicited from his previous statement.

"Okay, now pick who's next," Jules says, easing the already dissipating tension.

"Umm…" I look to Stella. She sighs, but sits up from her previously slouched position.

"Fine, I'll go," she says. "My full name is Stella Ella McPherson, and my fun fact is that if you even so much as think of my middle name, I'll punch you in your face."

I notice Jesse and Jules laughing. Danny simply rolls his eyes, which makes Stella clench her fists. "Don't fucking test me guys, I will."

"Yeah, we know," Jules giggles. "That's why we're laughing."

"Yeah, Ilaria, you should've seen Danny's face after he Stel fucking decked him."

"Laugh it up, guys. Just know that no one's safe, and you're probably next," Danny says, merging onto the tollway.

"Well, I'd say that Ilaria's safe. I like her too much," Stella glances at me with some sort of glimmer in her eye. I'm not sure what it is, but it makes me blush.

"Yeah, me too," he says, almost like he's challenging her.

I quickly focus on the floor as I blush harder when I catch Danny's eye through the rearview again. He's looking at me with the same exact glimmer that Stella is. When I look back up, he and Stella glaring at each other through the mirror, and I'm not sure how he hasn't crashed with the amount of times I've caught him looking at anything other than the road. I'm not complaining though. He's doing a good enough job, and I'm glad to be in one piece.

The round continues, and I find out that Jesse's full name is Jesse Michael James, his first name being inspired by the infamous cowboy that his mom was obsessed with before she passed. His middle name is Michael because it was up to his dad to choose his middle name. Apparently the man didn't care enough to do more than point to a random name on a some baby name list that his mom had pulled up.

He also shares that Danny's his older step-brother, which is a huge shock. I haven't seen them directly speak to each other once. But, then again, they seem on better than Danny and Stella are, so I suppose it makes enough sense.

Danny's full name is Daniel Samuel Devereux. His fun fact was that his mother was originally from the French Quarter of New Orleans. His father was part of the military before he died, so they moved around a lot ending up here. She tragically died shortly after marrying Danny and Jesse's stepfather. There seemed to be more to the story, but I decided it wasn't my place to dig. If they wanted to tell me, they would; if not, then that was okay too.

Jules's full name is apparently Julia Bridget McPherson, and she's apparently Stella's younger sister—which is another huge shock to me at first.

At first I thought that they look nothing alike. But, the more I observe the two, the more I see how striking the resemblance is. Their eyes are both the same shape, and so are their noses and jawlines. The fact that the both of them both dyed their hair into some sort of lighter shade also emphasizes the similarities—even though they're both rocking very different colors.

We play for a couple more rounds, with various questions like "What's everyone's favorite color?" or "Name your top ten names that you'd give to a cat." The latter one got some pretty wild results, like Galaxy Obliterator but it's called Obby for short.

Eventually Jules's turn comes back around, and so she picks the next question.

"What's one absolutely wild fun fact about you? Ilaria, you're first again!"

I scramble for an answer. I wasn't expecting to be put on the spot like that, so it takes me a minute as I try to come up with something, anything. In the end, I pick the first thing that comes to mind.

"I've never had a bank account before?" Everyone gasps again.

"WHAT?" Jules screams.

It's at a decibel that no human before her has ever been able to reach before. If it didn't hurt my ears so much, I would've congratulated her for breaking a world record.

"Um… yeah. My brothers never allowed me to have one, so… yeah… " I trailed off, not really knowing what else to say.

"Do you want a bank account?" Jesse says.

He's finally sitting up fully, instead of slouching against the window like he had been since we started driving. His face was borderline unreadable, but if I had to guess, he seemed a bit concerned and borderline angry.

"Yeah. I've wanted one for a while, but the more I asked, the more annoyed they would get. I stopped asking after I got yelled at."

"Why would they yell at you about that?" Jules says. Her voice is back to a normal volume, which is nice. She also sounds concerned, though, and it's kind of making me uncomfortable. Everything my brothers have ever done for me—however strange or stifling it feels—has been for my benefit. They've drilled that into my head. I know they're evil, but that part isn't a lie, right?

"I don't know. They've always been pretty controlling. But, it's just because they love me, you know?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jesse scowl, and Jules's jaw drop. When I turn my head, I see Danny and Stella share a look—causing me once again to wonder how the hell we haven't crashed or driven right off the road.

"Ilaria, that sounds completely toxic. Even if they're doing it 'because they love you,' it's still not okay. You know that, right?"

I wonder if that's why their 'love' felt so stifling sometimes. I know it's toxic—I knew it's been toxic for a while. I never admitted it, though. I never wanted to. It hurt too much to think that my brothers were hurting me, whether it was intentional or not. But, now that I know who they really are, and what they're really capable of…

I decide I don't want to talk about this any longer.

"Um, yeah. I guess," I mutter.

My eyes are starting to get glassy with unshed tears, and I'm blinking about a million times a millisecond to try to keep them at bay. I'm looking at the ground instead of them, and I feel so awkward, and upset and like a nuisance, because I invaded their trip and now I'm crying and trauma dumping on them. I'm almost sure that they hate me now.

"Don't cry, babe. You're too pretty for that."

My head snaps up, my cheeks stained the color of fire hydrants. Stella just called me babe. Don't romantic partners call each other that? But, then again, I knew a few girls during high school who called their friends and acquaintances that on occasion. I decide that that's what it is, even though I swear I can detect some sort of undertone tucked inside the words.

The bus goes quiet for a long few seconds before I hear Danny's voice again.

"What'cha blushin' at, Sunshine Girl?"

I swear that there's the same sort of undercurrent in his voice, and like there was some sort of hidden challenge hidden inside it. It kind of feels like he's trying to one-up Stella—like they're competing for my attention. I also feel like the intensity of their heavy gazes is burning me from the inside out.

It doesn't matter the intention of any of their words, or the weight of their gaze, because my face feels like it's ablaze. So does my heart.

I look back down, away from their smirks and their sparkling eyes. I don't want to see whatever emotions I think I are hidden inside them. More importantly, I don't want to get my hopes up, nor do I want to feel the guilt of starting to crush on two people so intensely and so quickly.

If anyone finds out, they'd be so weirded out. And, I know that my brothers would probably throw up before locking me away for the next fifteen-billion-trillion centuries. Even if their views are a bit old fashioned, I can't get it out of my head that everyone else will agree—I can't stop thinking that I should agree.

My cognitive dissonance is only growing, because I know that if it were anyone else, I'd be fully supportive. I'd probably even be excited for whoever the group was. But, it's me, and I feel like the disgusting exception. It makes no sense, but it's just the way it feels.

The worst part of this is that I barely even know them, and that I'm going to be spending the next who-knows-how-long with them. If this is how I feel now, how will it be if—no, when—the feelings grow? Will I be able to contain them? Will I be kicked out, left alone on the streets? Will they feel the same? I blush harder at the thought.

I look back up, the feeling of the raging fire only growing within me.

"Nothing," I choke out.

I feel everyone's eyes on me, observing me—some more than others.

I'm thankful when Jesse's voice breaks the tension, and even more so when I hear his next words.

"Next stop: the bank."

Everyone responds with various variations of "Hell yeah!"

Soon enough, Jules is routing to the closest one via some random navigation app, and I have everyone asking if they need them to pitch into my account funds. Every time I tell them not to and say I have plenty money on me, they ignore me and start arguing about who's going to give me the most.

I'm barely listening, though, because the only thing that's on my mind is how I'm finally free. I can finally think for myself. I can get a bank account, and a job, and do what I please without someone watching my every move. I'm not stuck trying to be some perfect robot to please my brothers. I can be me.

And, the best part? This is only the beginning. I have my whole life ahead of me and I can finally, finally live it the way I want to.

It feels like freedom; It feels like flying.