FOUR

Two days before the first day of classes for the semester, I moved my things into the apartment. Thankfully, I got a ride because I had a lot of stuff to bring. VM, Nika, Yara, and I cleaned the apartment together. Unexpectedly, AC ended up living with us, which worked out fine since VM and I shared a room, while Nika and Yara shared another. AC got his own room, being the only guy among us. But despite being the only male, he was also the loudest one.

We had no choice but to get along with him since VM's parents assigned us to keep an eye on him. He had too many antics, so they decided to move him into our apartment to make sure he actually graduated and didn't just ditch classes all the time.

After we finished organizing everything in the apartment, we went to the mall for some bonding time. We had a meal together and watched a movie before heading home early since classes were starting the next day.

As expected, my schedule became hectic—actually, all of ours did. It was the typical college life, focused on studies, especially since none of us were in relationships—except for AC. My daily routine was school-apartment and vice versa. I was also involved in an extracurricular organization, but I was just a member; I couldn't handle the extra workload of being an officer.

Our exposure training had also begun, which meant that from time to time, we had to leave the school for group projects in Mass Communication—such as documentaries, news gathering, and field assignments at TV stations, radio stations, and publishing houses for newspapers and tabloids. I was really enjoying this part of my life because I got to visit different places and learn so much at the same time.

Despite our busy schedules, we still made time to join an out-of-town trip, which was one of the activities of the organization we joined. Yes, all four of us—VM, Nika, and even Yara, whom we somehow convinced to join—became members. Actually, AC was the one who recruited us into this mountaineering organization. It was exciting, and I personally love adventure and nature, which I got from my dad since he's an environmentalist.

The experience was amazing. We reconnected with nature, camped out, and had a bonfire at night. It was a new and unique experience for us since we usually just went to the beach whenever we had outings. We explored the beauty of nature, and it was so refreshing. We took tons of pictures as souvenirs—from the waterfalls where we enjoyed the cold water to the breathtaking views, trails, and valleys.

I wish we had activities like this all the time—I'd never get tired of joining. It was such a great way to recharge, with the fresh air and the pure, refreshing water from the rivers and waterfalls we bathed in. We even got to forage for food, like fruits and vegetables, to add to our meals. We also made new friends, both old and new members of the organization.

But then, the day came when we had to go back to reality—our student life.

On the other hand, my friendship with Georje started to develop, thanks to our common friends. He was still as quiet as ever, though. We met up whenever we had free time since our schools were close to each other. We exchanged landline numbers, so sometimes we talked on the phone—either he would call, or I would, though I rarely did. Usually, when I called, I would end up talking to Ali or Jed first since they were always together.

He wasn't as grumpy as before, but he still had his moments. He was still stiff, still had that cold stare, and still had an air of arrogance. Sometimes, we met up at the mall with Jed and Ali, ate together, and hung out. He wasn't all that bad, but I still found him mysterious. I never saw any emotions in his eyes—it was hard to read him.

I often wondered how he even got along with Jed and Ali. Those two were carefree, talkative, playful, and always smiling. Their personalities were the complete opposite of Mr. Grumpy-slash-stiff-slash-boastful guy.

I honestly never expected us to become friends. I admit that I wasn't completely comfortable around him yet, but I was adjusting. We got along somehow. The only thing we had in common was our love for novels. His favorite author was John Grisham, while mine were Danielle Steel and Sidney Sheldon.

We started talking more frequently, though he still maintained his usual cold demeanor. But in fairness, he did open up a little.

He told me that his mother passed away when he was seven years old. Their house was broken into, and since his father was at work, his mother was alone with him. She tried to fight back, but the thief stabbed her. Luckily, he managed to run to the bathroom and lock the door—his mother's last words to him before she died.

According to his aunts—his mother's sisters—he was in shock for a long time and barely spoke after that incident. After the funeral, his father took him to live with his other family. That was when he found out that his father had another family all along.

There was a big age gap between him and his half-siblings. They never hurt him, but they never made an effort to get close to him either. His stepmother was kind to him, though. In fact, she was the one who looked after him whenever his father was at work.

Life wasn't easy for him either. Even so, he never became close to his father's family, not even to his stepmother, who sometimes took care of him. He felt more comfortable with his mother's side of the family, especially his grandmother. That's where he preferred to stay whenever there were no classes. However, his father wouldn't allow him to live and study there, so the arrangement was that he stayed with his father's family during school days, but when it was vacation time, his father had no choice but to let him go to his grandmother's house because he insisted on it.

Everyone has their own struggles in life. But no matter how heavy they are, we should never lose hope, and we should never give up. We must keep fighting and continue to have faith in God because He will never abandon us. Life is too short to feel lonely and to waste time. So, no matter how heavy the burdens we carry, we should learn to balance our lives so that we can still find happiness and appreciate its beauty. Yes, life is beautiful, no matter how cruel or vicious it may seem to others. Still, there are so many things to be thankful for and countless reasons to be happy. That's just how life is! It's up to us how we handle the things that come our way, right?

Just like me—I have something to prove to my family. I know they don't like me that much because, to them, I am the dumbest among my siblings. They all can sing, while I—well, that's one of my frustrations. I don't get much attention from my parents because they are focused on our youngest sibling. He has achieved so much, and he's also smart in Math. Meanwhile, I struggle a lot with Math. I remember when I was a kid, my older brother told me to change my last name because I was embarrassing—he said I was stupid at Math. Since then, I became distant from them. My only constant companions were my pen and notebook because that's where I poured out all my feelings, whether I was happy or, most of the time, sad.

Reminiscing.

My childhood wasn't exactly pleasant. I experienced being slapped, hit with a stick or a belt, and even being strangled by my own mother. Not only that, but she also kicked me and stepped on me. I don't even know why. Even the smallest mistake would earn me a beating. But she wasn't like that with my siblings. So sometimes, I asked myself—was I really their child? Why did she treat me this way? How long could I endure this? I never found the answers, so I just cried it all out.

"You're completely useless! All you ever do is cause me problems! I wish you would just die! You wasted that bowl! Do you even know how expensive that was, and you just broke it?" my mother screamed at me while hitting me repeatedly with the broom handle.

I didn't mean to drop it—it just slipped from my soapy hands while I was washing the dishes. The bowl was heavy and large, and my hands were still small. I was just in elementary school then, and I was a small child.

Sometimes, I would go to the cemetery just to cry out all the pain I was feeling. Our eldest sibling had passed away due to a rare brain virus that had no cure, according to the doctors. When I was little, I thought he was my father because he was the one who took care of me from birth. Our mother was often away because of her buy-and-sell business. He was supposed to graduate from college at that time—he had gone back to school when I started first grade. When he passed away while I was in fourth grade, I felt like I had become an orphan because he was the only one who was always there for me, the only one I could talk to, the only one who made me feel loved and gave me attention.

He was the one I called "Tatay" because I really thought he was my father.

"Tatay, why did you have to leave me so soon? You were the only one who understood me, weren't you? You were my only ally, Tay. I miss you so much. Now I have no one to sleep beside me in our room. Our pillow speaker doesn't even work anymore—I don't know how to fix it. The silence at night makes me miss you even more. But don't worry, I take good care of our room. I always keep it clean, and the floor is shiny. I don't even sweep the dust under the bed anymore—I use the dustpan now, so you won't get mad."

I sat beside his grave, speaking between sobs. The pain from the bruises and welts on my body from my mother's beatings only made me cry harder.

When I lost my "Tatay," it felt like I had lost everything. It seemed like my parents only sent me to school because they had to, but they never gave me the same care and attention they gave my older sister and our youngest sibling. My two older brothers had their own lives and were working abroad, so they rarely visited home.

"You won't be getting new shoes this time, okay? Your shoes from last year are still fine. Only your sister will get a new pair. And you'll use her old bag from last year. She needs a new bag and shoes more than you do since she's starting high school," my mom explained to me.

Every school year, that was how it went. I got used to it. Even with clothes—hand-me-downs were my reality, so I rarely got to wear new ones.

Many people envied me because they thought we had a perfect family and that we were rich. But what they saw was just a façade. Even the smiles were fake. So, I kept myself busy with the things I knew I could do. I also stopped expecting my family to appreciate my grades because, to them, I was just average. My siblings were all Dean's Listers, while I—well, I even had a grade of 78 in Math, with 80 as my highest. But at least I made up for it in other subjects. I always made sure my general average never went below 85 so that the school administration would always allow me to take a full load of units.

Back to the present.

I became super busy again because midterms were approaching. Time really flies so fast—it feels like just yesterday when classes started. On top of that, we were also busy preparing for the Intramurals or Sports Fest, which would take place after the midterm exams. Maybe that's why we hardly noticed how quickly the days, weeks, and months passed. That's why I was always coming home late and leaving early in the morning. We had so much to do since our department was in charge of several video presentations, photography, documentation, and more.

Every night after class, I had dance practice for the Intramurals because we were competing. So, by the time I got home to the apartment, I was already drained—just a quick change of clothes, then straight to bed. In the mornings, I had to wake up early for group projects and individual assignments. Because of my hectic schedule, I barely had time to chat with VM and the others, though sometimes we managed to eat together at the school cafeteria.

Sleepless nights again. All of us were busy reviewing for our upcoming midterm exams. Yara went home to their province, while Nika, VM, and I chose to stay in our apartment to study. As for AC, he went home because he missed his girlfriend. Ugh! He's the only one with a love life! And to be fair, their relationship was getting stronger every day. Apparently, they were high school sweethearts and had been steady ever since—not an on-and-off kind of relationship. Who would've thought that guy could be faithful? You wouldn't guess it just by looking at him! He always seemed like a troublemaker, constantly teasing people. And he was so loud—especially with his music taste. He was into heavy metal, where the singer just sounded like they were screaming, and you couldn't even understand the lyrics. It was pure noise!

He and Nika always argued about house chores—constantly bickering over who should do what. But thankfully, now that he wasn't around, the three of us had some peace in the apartment. Nika was the most studious among us. She's a Dean's Lister, no surprise there—she's an absolute beast when it comes to numbers since, she's taking up BS Accountancy. Meanwhile, VM is a Psychology major, and she keeps joking that she's starting to lose her mind from all the exposure to patients in the mental institution where she's training.

Even though we have different degree programs, that never became an issue. In fact, we even have a motto: "As long as I'm alive, you guys are alive too, because we'll take care of each other. No one gets left behind"

They are like siblings to me. They know things about me that my own family doesn't. But there are also things I can't bring myself to tell them, so I just write them down in my notebook instead.

***

"What happened to you? Why are you crying? And why do you look so pale?" I asked as soon as VM walked into our room.

"Lui, please help me…" she said, sniffling, her voice trembling.

"What's wrong?" I asked again.

"Lui… I lost my wallet. My mom just gave me my allowance for the week this morning before I left, but when I reached for my money to pay the bus conductor earlier, it was gone. I turned my bag inside out, but I couldn't find it anywhere. It was so embarrassing! Thankfully, a kind woman sitting next to me took pity on me and paid for my fare. She even helped me look for my wallet, but it was really nowhere to be found," she explained in between sobs.

"Huh? Where did you put it?" I asked.

"I swear I put it in my bag—I remember it clearly! As soon as my mom handed me the money, I placed it inside my wallet and then put it here, along with these cassette tapes," she said, showing me her bag and the tapes inside.

"I don't know how to tell my mom. She's going to be furious, and it's so embarrassing to ask for money again when she just gave it to me. But what am I going to do? That was my only money for the week…" she said, tears streaming down her face.

"I don't know how we're going to tell mama Shi. But as for how you'll survive this week, don't worry about it—I've got you covered. You don't have to stress about your food, transportation, or anything else you might need. I just got my allowance from my brother, and I still have savings. Every month, whatever's left over, I save it instead of spending it on unnecessary things. So don't worry, I'll take care of you this week," I reassured her.

"Thank you, Lui. I won't hesitate—I really need your help. But… one more favor, please don't tell my brother about this," she said, crying even more as she hugged me.

"Of course, no problem. Now, stop crying. Let's go eat instead. How about we go to the mall? I need to withdraw money anyway. What do you think?" I suggested.

"Nika! Get dressed—we're going to the mall to eat, and we might as well do some grocery shopping. VM's finally here; we've been waiting for her," I called out, knocking on their room door.

"Just a second!" she quickly responded.

"Hurry up!" I shouted again.

"Wait a minute! I need to shower first—I haven't taken a bath yet! I'll be quick, I promise," she said as she opened the door, holding a towel and a change of clothes.

"Ugh, seriously? You guys are so spontaneous!" she added.

"That's what you get! What are you doing locked up in there again? Are you a monk?" I teased. It was funny how we were still talking even though she was already inside the bathroom.

"I'm studying accounting. I can't afford to have nothing to answer on the exam," she replied.

"Wow! Look at you!" VM chimed in. At least she seemed to be in a better mood now. She must have calmed down.

"Oh, please! Ms. Dean's Lister, you? Not having an answer on the exam? Yeah, right! Don't expect me to believe that, Nika!" I teased her, which was true—Nika was really smart. Her program wasn't easy, but she was a consistent Dean's Lister.

We had a great time at the mall. We also told Nika about what happened to VM and, of course, reminded her not to tell AC, so he wouldn't go reporting to their parents. Nika even volunteered to help VM with anything she needed.

Before heading home, we had dinner together. Luckily, AC and VM weren't traveling back at the same time since AC decided to stop by Sheng's place first. He wouldn't be back until later that night.