Nineteen

Days passed quickly, and our vacation was over. Overall, I really had fun and cherished the moments my friends and I shared as we celebrated their new milestone—welcoming the new chapter of their lives as soon-to-be professionals. I only spent a day at our house in my hometown. For me, there was no reason to stay any longer since it felt like nothing changed whether I was there or not. Everyone was busy with their own stuff and didn't seem to care about me.

It was another busy schedule at school, but I still managed to spend time with George—actually, more time with him. We started seeing each other more frequently, and I rarely went back to the apartment. I couldn't invite him over because I knew he wasn't welcome there, especially after VM found out that I was the one paying for everything whenever we were together. I was caught in the act when George called to tell me he had my ATM card. It just so happened that Nika answered the call and told VM about it, which made VM furious. She scolded me and confronted me, saying,

"Are you his sugar mommy now? Why do you have to be the one paying for everything? And why on earth would you entrust your ATM card to him?! For goodness' sake, Lui! I don't even know you anymore! What are you doing with your life?"

Since then, I stopped going home as often. I was blinded by my emotions, which was why I spent most of my time with George.

"You're late again! You know I have so many things to do! What took you so long?!" I snapped at him.

"I'm sorry, the traffic was bad," he said softly.

"Really? Traffic? George, I'm not stupid enough to believe that traffic would take more than two hours from your place to here! What's your excuse this time?!" I yelled, my frustration boiling over.

"I had to finish watching Dragon Ball Z," he answered.

"Seriously?" I asked, but I chose to remain silent instead of arguing further, even though I was already fuming inside. I had been waiting for him at the mall where we agreed to meet because he said he needed money to take his midterm exams. He told me his aunt didn't have any money, and neither did his father.

"Here," I handed him the money, eager to leave since my groupmates were already waiting for me to work on our script and other preparations for our filmmaking training.

"Thanks. Where are you going? Have you eaten yet? Do you want me to take you there?" he asked hesitantly.

"Not yet, and no need! I can go on my own. Besides, even if you take me, I'll still have to pay for my fare back. I'll just take a cab to get there faster since they've been waiting for me at Mitch's place," I said irritably.

"What about your dinner?" he asked again.

"I'll eat at Mitch's. Alright, I'm leaving now. Use that money wisely and make sure you're early at school tomorrow so you can take your exams," I told him before walking away to find a taxi.

Days before George's birthday, even though I was busy, I managed to go to the mall to buy him a gift and planned to surprise him since it was a Saturday, and there were no classes the next day. I asked Mitch if I could set up the surprise at her place since it wasn't possible at the apartment. Unlike VM and the others, Mitch and Zette had no issue with what was going on. Whenever I didn't go home to the apartment and wasn't with George, I would stay over at Mitch's since she was living alone. Her aunt had gone back to their province to rest while waiting for her board exam results.

"Mitch, here's the receipt. It's all paid for and ready for pickup. You and Zette should take a cab so you won't have a hard time carrying everything," I said, handing them the receipt for the food I ordered along with their cab fare. They left first while I stopped by the apartment to grab a few things.

Around six p.m., I arrived at Mitch's place. Everything was ready—the food was set on the dining table, though covered since it was still early. The balloons and birthday decorations were also in place. By the time I arrived, everything was done, so we just spent time watching TV, though none of us were really paying attention because we kept chatting.

By eight o'clock in the evening, we decided to eat since we were all starving. There was still plenty of food left because I had intentionally ordered a lot, expecting some of our groupmates to join us, but they had their own plans.

"Why is it taking so long? He said their dance practice would end at five p.m.," I muttered to myself. We agreed that he would come straight here after practice. I knew he had enough fare to get here, even if he took a cab, because I gave him money to make sure he'd arrive for the birthday surprise I prepared for him.

"What happened to your 'my labs'? Why isn't he here yet?" Mitch asked.

"I don't know. I have no idea where he is. He told me practice would end at five," I replied, feeling annoyed.

"Oh, come on! You guys know how dance practice goes. There could've been unexpected issues, or maybe they extended it because of last-minute changes. Remember how we used to stay late just because our coach wanted to make everything perfect?" Zette said, shaking her head as she got up to use the restroom.

"Let's just finish this since we've already started. Anyway, there are no classes tomorrow since it's Sunday, so we can wake up late. And besides, we'll keep you company while you wait for your 'my labs.' I'm sure he'll still come; he probably just ran into some trouble," Mitch reassured me when Zette returned from the restroom.

"Cheers! To the three of us, to everything we've been through, and to everything we'll go through together—until graduation and even when we all have our own careers!" I exclaimed, raising my glass.

"Cheers!!!" the two of them said in unison.

We happily continued chatting about our plans for the educational tour, our internships, and even life after graduation. We didn't even realize that we had finished the tequila and were already feeling tipsy—especially since we also added beer to the mix. We lost track of time and, at some point, forgot the real reason we had prepared and were drinking in the first place. It was already midnight, but George never showed up.

We decided to just go to bed since there was no point in waiting anymore. The person we had spent time, effort, and money preparing for never came. It was already past midnight—technically a different date. His birthday had already passed. He didn't even think to call, even though he knew Mitch's landline.

I lay down with a heavy heart, tears silently falling down my face. All my efforts… our efforts, were wasted.

The next morning, it was already past ten when we all woke up at the same time—driven by hunger. We forced ourselves to get up even though we were still feeling lazy. We had brunch together, reheating last night's leftovers. I was still disappointed, but there was nothing I could do anymore. I couldn't turn back time. The damage had been done.

That lazy Sunday afternoon, the three of us went back to bed. We were all feeling unwell from drinking the night before, but for me, it was even worse because I still hadn't heard from him. My mind and heart were at war—part of me wanted to call him, but the other part refused because I knew it wasn't my fault. He should be the one reflecting on his actions and feeling guilty for not showing up. I ended up crying again, unable to stop myself from thinking about it. It hurt me deeply.

Because of my terrible hangover and my even heavier heart, I wasn't able to attend Sunday Mass. I just chose to lie down the entire afternoon. I fell asleep and woke up feeling the same inside. At least the hangover had started to fade, but the pain in my chest remained.

The day ended without a word from him. Mitch and Zette didn't let me call him either. They wanted him to make the first move since he was the one at fault. I thought that if I had been alone, I probably would've already swallowed my pride and reached out to him.

"Just let it be for now, Lui. Wait for him to talk to you first," Zette advised me. They knew why I was silent, and they knew exactly what I wanted to do.

"Zette's right, Lui. Let him realize what he did to you. He's the guy, after all… it's only right that he finds a way to talk to you," Mitch added. I only nodded while my tears continued to fall.

"Am I really this stupid? Do you think he really loves me? Because sometimes, I'm not even sure. I don't know what I am to him. This is so hard… but I can't bear to lose him," I said, then broke down in tears again.

"We've all been through something like this. Remember how crazy I was over my useless ex? That was a mess. But I guess that's just how it is when you love someone," Zette said, shaking her head.

"Why did I even fall in love with him? This is so hard. It hurts," I ranted while still crying.

"We're only human; it's natural to get hurt because we loved. But you two will work things out. Just have faith, and don't lose hope. He'll eventually realize his mistakes and shortcomings in your relationship," Zette said.

"Just let it all out. It'll make you feel a little better. We're here for you—just say the word, and we'll listen. You were there for me when I needed you, so now it's my turn… ours, Mitch and I," Zette comforted me.

Monday came, and even though I was still carrying this emotional burden, I had to go to my summer classes in the morning and training in the afternoon. I had no choice but to attend with Zette and Mitch. I saw VM, but he avoided me. That made me feel even worse. It weighed on me more heavily. I wanted to cry, but I forced myself to hold it in. I didn't want to embarrass myself by breaking down in front of our Trigonometry professor. I refused to look pathetic and add public humiliation to the pain I was already feeling.

During lunch, we chose to eat across the campus with our groupmates since we were heading straight to an uptown fruit farm. It was our first choice for our documentary project, where we planned to cover the complete process of fruit farming.

For a while, I forgot about Georje and how he bailed on me last Saturday because we were all so busy. There was no room to slack off, especially since we needed to save on blank tapes. It would be a waste if we had to keep redoing takes, so we aimed to get each shot in one go.

Our degree program was expensive—projects like this required us to travel, pitch in for gas for our groupmate's car, and contribute to buying supplies for filming. We needed everything from bond paper for the script, Manila paper and markers for the idiot board, blank tapes, and so much more. And that didn't even include our food expenses.

Tuesday was the same—advanced summer classes in the morning, filming in the afternoon. We were busy polishing our video so we could submit it for the presentation. Our video presentations were scheduled every Thursday and Friday. So, if your group finished early, from filming to editing, it meant you could enjoy a free day. We also had the privilege of working ahead on the required video for the following week.

"Can I just lie down for a bit? My whole-body hurts," Mitch complained to Blue, our group leader.

"Alright, let's take a break today. We'll resume tomorrow since our video for this week is already approved. Tomorrow, I want us to brainstorm for our next project so we can get started right away. Are we clear?" he asked, looking at all of us, clearly aware that we were out of it. If you looked around, half of us seemed dazed, while the rest were just completely out of it. Some were even complaining about body aches since we worked overtime editing and didn't allow ourselves to sleep or rest until we finished. The result? We got home at dawn but still had to attend morning classes.

"Alright, let's all go home and get some proper rest so we'll be fully energized tomorrow," he continued, scanning our faces. His own exhaustion was obvious—he looked like a panda from the lack of sleep, just like the rest of us.

"Let's go, Lui! I can't wait to lie down on my bed," Mitch said, inviting me along. Zette stood up, yawning.

"My body feels so heavy, like it's hard to walk," I said. Aside from the lack of sleep, we also got drenched in heavy rain during our shoot when we arrived downtown. That left me and some of our groupmates feeling drained.

"Let's just head to the mall to catch a ride home. We're out of food at the apartment, so let's stop by the grocery store first," Mitch said, informing me of the plan.

"Zette, are you coming with us? Or are you heading home first?" I asked, noticing that she was barely keeping her eyes open.

"I'll come with you. Whatever happens, I'll power through this sleepiness. I'd rather be exhausted than risk riding the jeep alone and either getting groped or missing my stop and ending up who knows where," she replied.

When we arrived at the mall, I stopped by the ATM to withdraw some cash and let the two of them go ahead so they could start shopping. I would just find them in the grocery store later.

"Mitch, here you go!" I said, handing over my share for the groceries. Since I often stayed at her place, I always pitched in for everything to be fair. I didn't want to be a burden—after all, I was already crashing at her place, so the least I could do was contribute. It would be shameless of me not to.

I continued focusing on our schoolwork. Georje still hadn't reached out to me. I had thought about calling him a few times, but I always stopped myself. It hurt, but I chose to divert my attention to my studies and school-related tasks.

"Mitch, do you think that guy will ever reach out to me again?" I asked as we prepared dinner. We decided to cook as soon as we got back from grocery shopping so we'd have food ready to reheat for breakfast the next day.

"He will. Just wait. And remember—never, ever be the one to call him first just so you two can talk. Lui, that's completely wrong. Kim and I have talked about these things before. If we both know who messed up, that person should be the one to make the effort to fix things and talk it out," she explained before taking a bite of her food. It was just the two of us tonight since Zette had gone home.

"How are you and Kim?" I asked, changing the subject.

"So far, everything's going well. No issues with his family. You know how many times I've stayed over at their place, and his mom and dad always treat me well," she answered.

"And on your side?" I asked again. We didn't really talk much about her and Kim's relationship since we were always with Kim at school. They only went their separate ways when they had different schedules or when we had training or out-of-town shoots. If we were filming downtown and Kim was free, he'd sometimes join us. He was practically part of our group at this point. He hadn't been able to join the training sessions because he could only take Film Making as a major subject in the first semester. He didn't enroll in it earlier since he had to take a lot of minor subjects—his credits didn't transfer because he was a transferee from Manila.

"You're lucky, you know. Kim is such a great guy. He's obviously head over heels for you—so supportive. Plus, you two rarely fight or have misunderstandings," I said, a little envious.

"Come on now. You and Georje will be fine. He'll reach out—just wait. Maybe he's just keeping quiet because he knows how packed your schedule is on weekdays. I'm sure he'll show up this weekend," she tried to reassure me.

"I don't know… It all feels so uncertain. I can't figure him out. He's so hard to read," I complained.

"Not all relationships go smoothly, you know. Think about it—two strangers meet and get together. Do you really think everything will be perfect right away, no matter how much you love each other? No, Lui. There's no shortcut to making a relationship work! Every couple goes through a process, but it all depends on how the two of you handle things," she lectured me.

"That's exactly the problem. Between the two of us, I feel like I'm the only one always making an effort to fix things. Ever since our mutual friends stopped getting involved in resolving our misunderstandings, I've always been the one finding ways to make things right. Honestly, I feel like I'm the guy in this relationship," I vented.

"You need to tell him that so he knows. You can't just keep bottling this up. Lui, come on! Being a martyr isn't a thing anymore! That mindset has long been buried, so stop it. He needs to step up and act like a real man!" Mitch scolded me.

"I pray all the time that he'll change. Everyone has the potential to change, right?" I said.

"I hope so. Because it's tough seeing you in this situation over and over again, Lui," she replied.

"You know, Lui, let me be honest with you, like a sibling would. VM had a point in what he told you—why do you have to do everything? You're already covering your expenses, and now you're the one carrying the relationship too? No offense, Lui, but this isn't right. I know you love him, but what he's doing to you is unfair. You're both still studying, and you're lucky you have support from your brother. But in my opinion, you should be sharing the responsibility. He shouldn't be so dependent, especially since he's the guy," Mitch continued lecturing me.

I get what she's saying. I really do. I don't know why, but whenever I talk to them, I see things clearly. Yet, when I'm with him, I just let myself be blinded again. I admit that VM was right—I shouldn't be acting like a sugar mommy. More importantly, I never should have entrusted him with my ATM card, especially when I'm not even sure if we'll last in the long run.

I don't know. I have nothing to compare this to since this is my first relationship. It's confusing, it's hard, and it weighs so heavily on me. Even my family doesn't approve of him because of his background. What if they find out what's happening? They might force me to break up with him—or worse, they might finally go through with their plan to send me to Manila to study with my brother's wife, who's married to a seaman.