Forty-Nine

"Ki—ah! Kim!"

"Kim!" I shouted from my room while she was in the living room watching a movie. She arrived last week, just as she and Mitch had planned. After graduating from college, she was supposed to follow Mitch here. Now, Mitch felt more at ease leaving me alone in the condo, especially since my due date was so close.

But I think this is it—my stomach has been hurting for a while now. That's why I was resting in my room, thinking I was just nervous. Maybe because we stayed up too late talking and laughing last night.

"Ow! This really might be it—the pain is getting worse!"

"Kim!" "Why can't she hear me? It really hurts… What do I do?"

"Baby, please don't make this too hard for me, okay?" I spoke to my belly, rubbing it gently.

"Help Mommy out, okay? That's right, baby, just hold on for a bit. We need to get out of this room so your Aunt Kim knows we need to go to the hospital, okay?"

Slowly, I stood up, one hand on my belly and the other on my lower back. The pain had subsided a little, so I had to take advantage of it and walk toward Kim.

"Kim?" Luckily, she turned to look at me immediately, maybe sensing that I had stepped out of my room.

"Oh? What's wrong?" she asked, surprised, quickly standing up and rushing toward me.

"I've been calling you, but you didn't answer. My stomach really hurts," I said, wincing.

"Damn it! Hold on!" She quickly turned off the TV and ran barefoot into my room to grab the hospital bag, which was already prepared by the door. She just had to pick it up. Then, I saw her dash into her and Mitch's room, and within seconds, she was back.

"Let's go! Can you walk, or should I call for help downstairs?" she asked in a panic.

"Chill. It hurts, but I can still walk," I replied, grimacing as I shut my eyes for a moment—the pain was intensifying. But I couldn't show it too much, or Kim would panic even more.

"Are you sure? Because, honestly, your face says otherwise!" she said as she slung the bag over her shoulder and helped support me.

"We'll make it," she assured me, quickly locking the door behind us. I slowly walked toward the elevator, hoping I could press the button.

"Hey! Wait a second!" she called after me.

"It's fine. I just wanted to press the button for the elevator," I said, but it was too late—she had already sprinted ahead, pressed the button, and rushed back to help me. Just as we reached the elevator doors, they slid open, and we hurried inside.

"I'll text Mitch to let her know," Kim said, rummaging through her bag for her phone. Thankfully, the elevator ride down was quick, even from the fifteenth floor. As soon as we stepped out, she sent the message to Mitch, then asked the security guard to call a taxi while I stood off to the side, clutching my belly in pain.

***

"Yieee!!! Our baby is here!" Mitch squealed when the nurse walked in, carrying my newborn son. It had been several hours since I was transferred from the recovery room to my private hospital room. After giving birth, I stayed in the recovery area for a while before finally being moved here.

"Hey! Why are you the one holding him?" Kim scolded Mitch, who was standing beside my bed while I lay there.

"What?!"

"You should be handing him to his mom!" Kim said, rolling her eyes while I just laughed at the two of them.

"I will! Just give me a second. Let me hold him first! Look at how cute our baby is. He loves his aunt, doesn't he? Hmmm…" Mitch cooed at my baby, practically squeezing him.

"Oh no! Now you've annoyed him—he's crying! Give him to his mom already! He's probably hungry!" Kim scolded.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I'll give you to Mommy now, okay? No more crying, aunt loves you," Mitch said, trying to soothe him. Kim and I just shook our heads as we watched her.

They helped me sit up, stacking pillows behind me for support so I could try breastfeeding him. I wasn't sure exactly what I was feeling—excited but also nervous about how I was going to raise him properly.

I also couldn't stop thinking about how I was going to tell his father. "Would he accept him?" It had been so long since I'd heard anything about him. No one even mentioned his name anymore, but I still thought about him a lot—and, of course, I missed him.

It's a shame he wasn't here to see our baby. He looks just like him—his eyes are just as small and sharp, and he has the same fair complexion. There was no denying it… He was his father's son.

A Year Later…

"I have nothing more to say—he looks exactly like his dad," Ainee commented after seeing and holding Leandro Phillip. I added his father's second name because I didn't want to make him a junior—his nickname would be too common if I did.

"Exactly! That's why I get nervous every time we go out, especially after his monthly check-ups. We always stop by the mall afterward," I replied.

"Do you really have no plans to tell him?"

"I do, but fear always gets the best of me. What if they try to take Phillip away from me? Who knows, maybe that's all he wants to do, especially since I left him without a word," I said sadly.

This was the first time I had seen Ainee again since I left Cebu. She was here in Manila now because Phillip's birthday was coming up. She blamed me for not telling her sooner where I lived, which was why she wasn't able to visit me while I was pregnant or right after I gave birth.

"I don't think so. You haven't even tried, have you?" she tried to convince me.

"I don't know. I still feel this overwhelming fear of his mom. Her face is still so fresh in my memory—the way she told me to stay away from her son and the way she placed that check in my hand. You can't blame me for feeling this way. We both know they have the power and connections because they have money," I said, tearing up.

"You're crying again. Your son will see you like this. Stop," she said, then turned to Phillip, cooing at him while holding him. I sat silently, watching the two of them.

I was off work today, so I was at the condo with Ainee. The lovebirds were out on a date since we both had the day off. I also gave Phillip's nanny the day off whenever we stayed in so I could take care of him myself and bond with him.

This new chapter of my life—having Phillip with me—wasn't easy, but I was still happy every single day. I had no reason to give up because he inspired and motivated me. Seeing him made me stronger.

I was grateful that Phillip wasn't a fussy baby, so taking care of him hadn't been too difficult. As he grew, I started seeing his father's personality in him. He loved being played with and laughed so much. Every night, we played around until he got tired enough to sleep. He wouldn't fall asleep until I got home from work.

Luckily, I hadn't been transferred to a daily TV show as a production writer. That would have made my schedule even more hectic. I was content with being on a team that worked on a weekly show because it still gave me enough time to care for Phillip.

And for Sean—because I knew the day would come when he and his son would finally meet—I had prepared for it. I made a compilation of videos of Phillip; from the time I was pregnant until the day I gave birth. I even asked the doctor to record the delivery for his father. That's why Kim was allowed inside the delivery room—to take the video. I also gave the doctor a small token of appreciation for granting my request.

I always prayed that when the time came for me to tell Sean about Phillip, he wouldn't take my son away from me. I could accept his anger, but I hoped he wouldn't use Phillip to get back at me for keeping it a secret for so long. I had no doubt that he would accept our son—after all, anyone could see who his father was just by looking at him.

"Do you think he's angry at me?" I suddenly asked as Ainee and Phillip played on the bed while I sat at the edge, watching them.

"Uh… I don't think so. Every time I see him; he never speaks about you with resentment. He still talks about your past together. He was the one who took your things, except for the fridge and bed—he sent those to me because he had no space for them in his condo. But all your novels? He kept them. He still has some of your other stuff too. Oh, and he still wears the bracelet you gave him—I've seen it," she shared. I was surprised by what I learned, but I tried my best not to show it. Many questions filled my mind, but I didn't want to dwell on them, fearing I might just be overthinking. So, it was better not to overanalyze the meaning behind his actions because, in truth, only he could answer all the questions that formed in my mind.

"How's his company doing?" Changing the topic.

"It's growing rapidly. He even offered me a job at his company if I ever wanted to transfer. He made the same offer to Glen. But despite his success, he hasn't changed—he's still the same Sean. Simple and completely down-to-earth. It's just that he's no longer the playful and laughter-loving person he used to be. According to his best friend and business partner, he has become irritable and short-tempered. And one more thing—he still loves you. I actually feel guilty. When I found out you were having a baby, I almost told him everything. But I didn't want to overstep because I knew you had your reasons. I also knew it wasn't easy for you to keep Phillip a secret from him," she explained.

"Oh, right, Phillip? Daddy still loves Mommy?"

"Ohhh… ohhh…" Phillip babbled, making me laugh.

"You're really talking back, huh? Our baby is such a chatterbox," I said, laughing as Phillip kept babbling and giggling.

"See? Even your son knows what's up!" Ainee teased, and we both laughed again. It was as if Phillip understood everything his godmother was saying—he really responded like he was part of the conversation.

"Oh no, not again! You're playing with your saliva again!" I scolded, quickly wiping his mouth.

"Let him be! Even if he plays with his saliva, he still smells good," she said. And she had a point—he was still a baby, after all. But I kept that thought to myself.

"Hold on, I'll go prepare your bath so you can sleep soon."

"Your mommy's going to bathe you! You're going to play in the water again," I heard Ainee tell Phillip as I left the room to boil water for his bath. But the truth was, Phillip hadn't actually been baptized yet. I planned to do it after telling Sean about him so that he could attend.

***

"Lui! Come here! I got the souvenirs for the birthday party of our little king!" Mitch shouted from the living room.

I was changing Phillip's diaper since he had just pooped.

"Hello, my love!" Mitch greeted Phillip when she saw us come out of the room. The little troublemaker grinned widely upon seeing his godmother.

"Aww! You missed me already?" she said as she picked him up because he was reaching for her. Meanwhile, I walked over to the table where the souvenirs for his first birthday party were laid out.

"Everything's ready for tomorrow. We even checked on the cake earlier—we already picked it up. I knew you'd ask," Mitch explained as she played with Phillip.

"Thank you!" was all I could say.

Once again, my thoughts drifted to Sean. His son was turning a year old, and he had no idea. My heart ached for Phillip, who hadn't met his father in person yet. Though I always told him stories about his dad and showed him pictures, but still it wasn't the same.

I originally planned to tell Sean before Phillip's first birthday so they could celebrate together, but as the day got closer, I just couldn't bring myself to call or face him. The fear consumed me every time I remembered Sean's mother and the harsh words she had said to me back then.

I often wondered—what if Sean had been with us since Phillip was born? How would he react to being a father? When I looked at Phillip, I felt guilty. He was growing up without his dad's presence. He hadn't experienced a father's love and care.

I imagined how they would play together—who would get annoyed first? If he were with both of us, who would he prefer to be held by? Would he cuddle more with me or with his dad?

"Hey! Daydreaming again?" Mitch snapped me back to reality with a tap on my shoulder.

"Oh, Phillip, your mommy's lost in her thoughts again! I don't know why she keeps letting her fear win, even though she misses someone so much!" she teased, making sure I heard her.

"Hey! Stop talking nonsense in front of my son," I protested.

"I'm just telling the truth! Right, baby?"

"Now you're dragging my son into this too!" I huffed, and she just stuck her tongue out at me like a child.

"Kim! Mitch is bullying me! She's dragging Phillip into it too!" I called out, but there was no response.

"She can't hear you. She's still in the bathroom, sitting on her throne. She was in a hurry earlier because nature was calling," Mitch said, laughing. I just shook my head at her antics.

"You're impossible. Now, hand me my little king—it's time for him to eat," I said, and she quickly passed Phillip back to me. I found Ainee busy cooking dinner.

"How's this little one? I bet you had a lot of poops, huh?" she teased Phillip as I walked over to the fridge to get his baby food.

"Oh, you have no idea! A lot! He won't stop drinking milk, even after eating. Even right after a snack, he still asks for milk! That's why he's getting heavier every day."

"Well, at least he has a good appetite and is healthy, right?"

"Yeah, but his food and milk are expensive—it's a wallet-drainer. But it's fine. I don't think there's anything I wouldn't do for him."

"Does that include finally telling his father?"

"I'm thinking about it… and preparing myself for it."

***

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you!!! Yieeee!!!"

"Happy Birthday, Leandro Phillip!!!" the host cheered at the kiddie party we organized for our colleagues' kids.

The other children were having fun, excitedly running around. But the birthday boy himself? Phillip had been in a bad mood all day. He wouldn't let go of me, clinging to me the entire time. He wouldn't even play with his aunts. Whenever they tried, he would cry, so we eventually gave up.

Even though my arms were getting sore from his weight, I endured it.

I thought maybe he wasn't happy because his daddy wasn't with him on one of the most special days of his life. I just tried to understand it, knowing that no one else was to blame but me—I still hadn't told his father about him.

I convinced myself that his clinginess was his way of punishing me. He would cry whenever Ainee, Mitch, or Kim tried to hold him, refusing to be comforted by anyone but me. Earlier, when we were about to leave the condo, I nearly broke down in tears. The guilt was overwhelming.

From the moment he woke up this morning, we had already noticed he wasn't in the mood. For the first time ever, he didn't greet me with a smile. Instead, he just stared at me when I kissed him, quietly listening as I spoke to him. Normally, he would respond, even if his words weren't fully formed yet. Somehow, you could still understand that he was talking back.

Even during his bath, he didn't splash around like he usually did. He didn't cry when I dried him off, either. He always threw a fit when bath time ended because he wanted to keep playing in the water—but today, he just let it happen. He barely ate, and he didn't even finish his bottle.

I couldn't help but tear up. It felt like he was trying to tell me he wasn't happy, even though it was his birthday—because his daddy wasn't there. Seeing him like that broke my heart.

Thankfully, despite the birthday boy's bad mood, the party still went smoothly. The only downside was that he didn't enjoy it at all—he was fussy the whole time and ended up falling asleep just as the party was ending.

"He really takes after his dad—he's smart. Even at this age, he already knows how to express his feelings. I can feel that he's looking for his father's presence," I muttered, my voice trembling with emotion. The four of us were sitting in the living room, sipping red wine for a small after-party celebration. Phillip was already fast asleep in his crib after throwing a fit when I changed his clothes after we got home from the party.

"I noticed that, too, from the moment he woke up. But I didn't say anything because I knew, as his mother, you already felt it," Ainee agreed. Kim and Mitch remained silent, sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning against the sofa.

"So, what's your plan now?" Ainee asked.

"I'm still thinking it through. Don't worry—I'll tell you all once I've decided."

"Do you think he'll listen to everything I have to say?" I asked hesitantly. All three of them—Kim, Mitch, and Ainee—nodded in unison.

"You know Sean, don't you? He's very understanding and rationale. I'm sure he'll listen," Ainee assured me.

"That's exactly what I told her, Ains. She has nothing to be afraid of," Mitch added.

"But how do I tell him about his mother?" I sighed, rubbing my face in frustration. "I know for a fact he'll ask why I left. That's the one thing that always stops me from following through with what I've been planning for so long."

"Lui, how about this," Kim finally spoke up after staying quiet beside Mitch. "If you really can't do it in person because of your fears, why don't you try writing him a letter instead? That way, you can say everything you want to say without the pressure of a face-to-face conversation. It's up to you if you want to include pictures of your son or not."

"That's actually a great idea," Mitch immediately agreed. "Why didn't I think of that? I'm so stupid!"

I stared at the two of them, sitting side by side, before turning my gaze to Ainee. She nodded at me in agreement.