Ch5_first fragment, Jacob part 4_ shattered star

The repetitive cycle continued , Nolan saw many lives and lived through them all

Only To be welcomed with agony the moment he returns from his hellish journey , which he knew that he is going to repeat it soon

He was a son of a rich family once ,only to be sacrificed as a political prisoner and got killed under wraps

Sometimes he was from a normal family and knew some happiness,as happens can go for a kid with nothing to eat till he sleeps

Other times he was without any one to lean on or seek warmth from

He remembers dying by hunger,pain , thrust, nailed to death ,burned alive, tortured, and even drowned a couple of times

Somewhere along the line death became fearful no more , it gave relief, it gave respite

At first the experience of dying time and time again was harrowing for the eight years old , he howled like a mad Wolf and he cried, a lot till no tears came out of his eyes

His expression was vacant and lost as if something deep inside his soul extinguished forever, not to be found again

Then he was distributed by the fact that most of those lives , if not all of them somehow resembled his own , he knew that most probably he is going to die like them too ,but he didn't feel fear, just sad

And as if all of that wasn't enough, he knew that he wasn't going down alone

All those kids pulled their loved ones down with them , and he was going to too , most probably

People were calling him cursed for a reason he just didn't want to hear that , he just wanted to play with other kids even if it meant getting hurt ,

they were most probably right when they said he killed his own family during his birth , they were most probably right about him bringing them doom , maybe its going to be better if he just got away , death didn't sound that terrifying after all

He felt gilt and lived another yet miserable life , being gutted by your best friend wasn't the best experience there is , and causing the death of his adoptive parents couldn't help either, maybe if he wasn't too attached to them he wouldn't feel that much sorrow, maybe he should just let go

And then came another life he was close to no One, the pain of dying was horrible as an abomination was chewing his left leg but he can manage with that, he saw way worse deaths than that , it's not as painful if you're dying alone, doesn't it?

Nolan felt vacant, as if emptied from inside out , but not like his organs were taken away, he knew what that felt like , he experienced it a few lives ago after all , but no , this feeling with different, he felt that there was nothing that is important enough to care about , everyone is going to die somehow, someday, why should it matters if death came earlier or later, it wasn't reasonable to fear something that cannot be stopped , it felt foolish to cry someone's death when you know it's coming anyway, so why bother

Sorrow hurts more than death for the kid , so he decided to just give up , and give up he did

He let go of everything valuable,then it was just physical pain , he was used to it by now , it wasn't that scary, it made him remember that he was still there before the darkness swallowed him again

So who he really was, he couldn't quite remember,but why would it matter, just like those stars he was one of them, as beautiful as it is ,it remains soulless , he was just one sorrowful star waiting for the bleak end with opened arms, and maybe one day he Will be able to tell his story to the next one joining them ,

Was he really one of them, was he all of them , it didn't matter as there was another story to be told , one filled with sorrow and pain, but it was still beautiful somehow , fruitless but filled with purpose, a purpose to survive no matter what, a purpose he had long since Lost

He knew the stars and remembered their tales , with them he felt comfortable, he felt camaraderie, they were all alike , the only difference is that they were the narrators and he was the Listener, and maybe one day his turn would come to tell his story

But what was his story again? , he couldn't quite remember

A sweet release, after death you've got a few moments to arrange your thoughts when he opened his eyes he saw three familiar strangers , after all he Saw them every time he came out of each one of his multiple lives

One of them looked too tired looking at him

With surprise and a hint of sadness

"Just what in hell is going on through his body " he said with barely audible sound

The man looked too focused doing something to his body despite the fatigue he was feeling at the moment

"Doctor , are you still up " the other man said

" Is he going to make it or not" he continued

" His body is decomposing yet not completely falling, he loses his conscious every few seconds just to open his eyes again a moment later , his temperature shooting through the sky yet he is alive ,his body is not responding to and foreign material including all kinds of medicine I have, and his nervous system going through a fucking tempest , the bain he is feeling right now can kill several adults in a few seconds yet he continued like this for three days straight , how in hell should i know if he is going to make it out alive " he looked gloomy as he continued

"It's a lot more merciful to off him right now , but again the amount of the pain killers he was injected with could kill a wagon of horses and their owners , yet he is alive, so i simply give up , I'm not cutting his head off to stop the pain,nor will i try to lessen the pain , if he lives, he lives, and if he dies , he dies , i really cannot do anything about it sorry chief"

The chief just sighted

Then a sleeping kid in a fair away place from Nolan finally opened his eyes making the chief and the doctor immediately stop their speech

The kid looked at nolan who was staring at him and said " nolan , how do you feel right now , are you still opening your eyes while you are asleep , the doctor said it's just a rare symptom of lacking sleep , and you are going to be just fine after you talk"

"Do you still feel that headache, probably not the doctor said he already treated you

How do you feel right now"

The chief and the doctor looked away with dejection

The chief closed his eyes

Then nolan spoke softly "you all look to be starving , go eat something , if you are trying to die there are a lot of better ways , no ? "

"I'm really tired, and quite curious about the next story , haaaaah , i hope it's a good one "

Jacob smiled cheerfully while tearing and looked at the doctor"hay doctor look , he talked, he talked, he is going to be fine"

Both the chief and the doctor stiffed there and looked at each other with foolish astonishment, their mouths hung opened

The doctor shouted " Jacob get away from him I'm doing another check up on him "

Nolan opened his eyes, this time he saw something different

He saw a huge shattered star, eclipsing all the other stars combined, it held a deep sorrow, just being near it , his dry eyes moistened again after so long time, he didn't know why though, it was as if just being close to this Star made his whole being rattling with sadness

He waited for it to tell its story , but it didn't even respond to his presence

For the first time he reached for it and touched it

The star buzzed softly and started flickering with vibrant colors

Nolan watched this happening in amazement

And it finally stopped flickering when its color was crimson with shades of black here and there

Then Nolan heard a voice inside his head " being quiet courageous aren't we ,who do you think you are trying to peep into his life you little thing"

Nolan stood there unmoving and he said "what is your story"

" Story !!, i see you think this is a game don't you , get away before i erase your soul " the voice was deep and calm

its Aura threatening to tear the doom of the sky itself

"Why are you different from them, they've all reached me to tell their stories" Nolan said in wonder , not fearing in the least

" Oh, a courageous one indeed , so you experienced all their lives, that explains why you don't feel fear , you are numbed and looking for a simulation, i see "

"Well i slept for a long time i don't mind entertaining you Abit, crazy one

, you want to see something simulating, to feel fear again, to feel pain again and maybe dying a tragic death, a lunatic indeed

I quit like that , this is going to be entertaining "

"Well crazy one , let me show you what a real simulation is ,hahahahahaha" the voice laughed with great amusement as if having the time of his Life

Then the star swallowed Nolan and the next moment he was nowhere to be found at the dark sky full of stars