How Fast Can Two Idiots Become Friends?

Klaus appeared on the island in a swirl of distorted space, materializing before the Fire Keepers with a lazy, amused smile. He was dressed in black pants and a flowing black-and-white haori, the fabric shifting lightly in the breeze. A strange ring gleamed on his finger—its design eerie, depicting the fanged maws of some eldritch horror, forever devouring the world.

Effie, Kai, and Sid jumped at his sudden appearance, their instincts kicking in as they summoned their weapons. Effie took a bold step forward, resting her spear against her shoulder, her sharp eyes scanning the stranger before her with a cocky grin.

"Huh? Who the hell are you, naked mole rat?"

Klaus arched an eyebrow before chuckling, shaking his head in amusement. Naked mole rat? Now that was a first. Spreading his arms wide in mock theatrics, he tilted his chin up and declared with exaggerated grandeur,

"My name's Klaus. But you can call me—"

"Bah! Who cares?" Effie cut him off with a dismissive wave. "What do you want?"

Klaus coughed into his fist, momentarily thrown off by the interruption. Then why ask, you damned brat? he ran a hand through his hair, sighing and refocusing, his tone turning sharper.

"I'm here for Cassia. When did she leave for the Night Temple? Why is she there? What's her objective?"

Kai exchanged an uneasy glance with Sid before offering Klaus an awkward smile.

"Well... Mr. Klaus, I don't think we can tell you that."

Effie grinned. "Yeah, Drama Queen, you hear that?"

Klaus's smile faded. The air around them shifted, growing heavy. The ground trembled beneath their feet.

A distant rattling sound filled the silence—chains, unseen but ever-present, trembling like beasts stirred from slumber.

Effie's cocky expression flickered for a split second before she forced down her nerves with a shameless smile.

Kai, more perceptive, reacted instantly. He sprang into the air, summoning his bow mid-leap.

"Prepare for battle!" he shouted, trying to snap his comrades out of their hesitation.

Klaus looked up at him, a sneer curling on his lips. The easygoing humor in his eyes was gone, replaced by something cold, something superior.

"And who are you… to fly in my presence?"

A crushing force slammed down on Kai. It felt like the weight of the sky itself had collapsed onto him, an unbearable gravitational pressure pinning him to the earth. He gasped, his body straining against it, but the invisible force was unrelenting.

Effie acted fast. She hurled her spear at Klaus, the weapon cutting through the air like a streak of silver lightning. But as it neared him, it slowed, as though fighting against an unseen current. Inch by inch, it lost momentum until it hovered in midair, frozen, useless.

Klaus barely spared it a glance. He waved his hand lazily, and the pressure intensified.

A collective gasp tore through the Fire Keepers as their knees buckled. One by one, they collapsed under the overwhelming force, struggling against an invisible tide.

Kai gritted his teeth as the ground beneath them splintered. Sid collapsed, gasping for breath. Effie fell to one knee, sweat trickling down her brow.

Klaus exhaled as if this was all an inconvenience. He turned, sat down on a nearby rock, resting his elbow on his knee.

"You can't tell me… Hmm…" He tapped his fingers against his knee, as if considering. Then he gave them a slow, deliberate smirk. "Hmm... That's inconvenient. You see, I don't have the time for this. And by the looks of it, you don't have a choice."

His voice dropped, sharp and absolute.

"You'll do as you're told… or I'll pulverize your pathetic lives into fucking oblivion."

The island was silent, save for the distant trembling of chains.

____

Half an hour later, Klaus finally had the full picture.

Cassia and Sunny had gone to the Night Temple, planning to challenge their second Nightmare. The object they were after was crucial to their plan. And Klaus—of course—knew exactly what they were after.

That damned knife.

His expression twitched. How the hell did they even…?

And then it hit him.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," he muttered, tilting his head back toward the sky. I forgot my notes when I left.

He groaned and ran a hand down his face. So, in a roundabout way, he was responsible for them figuring it out.

Goddamn it, Klaus. You have fucking photographic memory! How's that even possible!? You had one job! One job!

Meanwhile, Kai sat a few feet away, watching in complete and utter bewilderment.

Thirty minutes ago, they had been fighting Klaus. Weapons were drawn. Tension was high. Death was on the table.

Now?

Now, Effie and Klaus were sitting together, hunched over, slapping each other's backs and wheezing with laughter like old drinking buddies.

Kai's eye twitched.

This isn't normal. This is actually insane.

So that's how it is, huh? Idiots become friends in record time.

Klaus, for his part, was having a blast. He had nowhere better to be, and their next destination was the same anyway. Plus, Sky Tide had already been informed, so all he had to do was wait.

Might as well enjoy himself.

"So you found out Jet's brat had dresses in his room?" Klaus cackled, throwing his head back. "Kehehehahaha! Fucking hell!"

Effie, still grinning like a lunatic, took a bite of felm meat and nearly choked from laughter. "Yeah! Bahahahah! Gods, it was hilarious! But you know Sunny, right?"

Klaus nodded, shaking his head in amusement.

"Yeah, met him once or twice. Jet and I go way back, and she was taking care of that kid. We had some… productive conversations." A smirk tugged at his lips. "Little bastard's one spiteful goblin."

Effie, in the spirit of chaotic camaraderie, slapped Klaus on the back with enough force to nearly knock his soul out of his body. He coughed, wheezing slightly as she grinned with satisfaction.

Ahh... So this is it. The secret to happiness. Just find someone who shares your one remaining brain cell.

"Hey, tell me a joke," Effie demanded, leaning forward with anticipation.

Klaus smirked, leaned back with an exaggerated flourish, and spread his arms. "Prepare yourselves! You are about to witness the funniest joke of the century!"

He cleared his throat.

"A doctor forced his patient to not eat and then the guy caught a cold."

Effie frowned. "Uh... okay?"

Klaus raised a finger dramatically.

"-'Then what's the deal?' the doctor asks."

"'WHAT'S THE DEAL?!'" Klaus suddenly shouted, startling Kai. "I stood in front of the open refrigerator all night looking at the boiled meat!!"

There was a beat of silence.

Then, the dam broke.

Effie howled with laughter, grabbing Klaus by the shoulder and shaking him like a ragdoll. Klaus, just as unhinged, slapped the ground and wheezed between bouts of manic cackling.

Kai blinked. What the hell is happening?

"Hahaha! One more! One more!" Effie wheezed, wiping a tear from her eye.

Klaus straightened up, cracking his knuckles with a smug grin. "Alright, alright, get ready for another masterpiece."

He took a deep breath.

"Three guys were given a challenge. If they threw something out of a plane that couldn't be caught, they'd get a hundred thousand credits."

Effie leaned forward. Kai pretended he wasn't listening.

"The first guy threw a fork—but the man caught it."

Effie snorted.

"The second guy threw a plate—but the man still caught it."

Kai frowned. "Okay, but that's not even—"

Klaus held up a hand. "Wait. Wait."

His smirk widened.

"The third guy? He just grinned from the open door… leaned forward… and—"

Klaus burst out laughing before he could even finish. "—farted!"

"PFFFFFTTTT!"

"Go catch that now!" he howled, collapsing backward.

Effie shrieked with laughter, practically rolling on the ground. Klaus clutched his stomach, breathless from laughing too hard.

Kai, who had officially checked out of reality, simply stared at the two maniacs in front of him.

Effie gasped for air, wiping her eyes. "Okay—okay—one more—one more!"

Klaus wiped away an imaginary tear and composed himself. "Alright, alright, last one. Three guys were asked: 'What's faster? Light or sound?'"

Kai sighed. "Light, obviously."

"The first guy said sound," Klaus continued. "The second guy said light. But the last guy? He said—"

"Poop."

Effie's face was already turning red.

Kai groaned. "Oh, come on. Why—"

"'Why poop?'" Klaus repeated dramatically, then grinned.

"'Because yesterday, I ran into my house so fast I couldn't even turn on the light or make a sound. I just—'"

He clapped his hands together.

"'—I JUST SHIT MYSELF.'"

There was an eerie silence.

Then, chaos.

Effie screamed with laughter, gripping her sides. Klaus slammed his palm against the ground, shaking uncontrollably.

"KEKEKEKEHAHAHAHAH!"

"BUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

They both rolled across the ground, tears streaming down their faces.

Kai sat there, watching, utterly done with life.

At that moment, he seriously considered whether it was too late to quit being awakened and find a new profession. Maybe accounting. Maybe farming. Maybe going back to being singer.

Anything but this.