Chapter 4: The Struggles of Being a Trainee

Being a trainee wasn't just about learning new choreography or working on my vocals. It was about mental and emotional endurance. I remember feeling like I was in a constant battle with myself—questioning my abilities, wondering if I was ever going to be good enough to make it.

The first few months were the toughest. There was this constant pressure to improve, to be better than the last performance, to not fall behind the others. I had a lot of self-doubt. The other trainees were incredibly talented, and I constantly compared myself to them. Some had been dancing longer than I had, some were more confident in front of the camera, and some had already started building their own unique styles. I felt like I had to catch up, and sometimes it felt impossible. I wasn't the best at everything. I wasn't the fastest learner, nor did I have the natural flair that some of the other trainees had.

But it wasn't just about the competition with the other trainees. The hardest part was the feeling of loneliness. Living away from home and my family, I didn't have the familiar comfort of being around loved ones. I had a few close friends at the dorm, but it wasn't the same. At times, I felt like I was losing myself in this relentless pursuit of perfection. I remember thinking, "Is this really what I want? Can I keep up?"

There were moments when I was emotionally drained, both from the intense training and from the constant need to perform. Sometimes I'd have a great rehearsal, and other times, I felt like I was back at square one. I'd practice late into the night, only to feel like I wasn't making any progress at all. Those were the moments when I had to dig deep to remind myself why I was here.

Despite all the struggles, there was something else that kept me going: the realization that this was my dream. It wasn't supposed to be easy. I knew the path wouldn't be smooth, and I would have to push through moments of doubt and frustration. I knew that every drop of sweat, every sore muscle, every late night would bring me closer to my goal.

But even with that understanding, there were times when I felt like I was at my limit. It wasn't just the physical exhaustion; it was the mental battle of overcoming those negative thoughts. It was about learning to trust myself, trust the process, and keep going even when I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The real challenge came when I realized that my journey wasn't about being perfect—it was about persistence. I learned that it was okay to struggle. It was okay to be uncertain. The most important thing was that I didn't stop moving forward, no matter how slow it seemed.

And so, I kept going. I kept pushing through the tough times, and with each day, I grew stronger—physically, mentally, and emotionally. I didn't know it then, but those struggles would become the foundation of everything I would build in my career.