Guilt

MALACHAI

I left Ezra's room feeling like absolute shit. My chest was tight, my hands still a little shaky from the anger that had surged through me earlier. I had let it get the best of me again, and the worst part? I scared Ezra. The way he flinched, the way his eyes filled with something more than just sadness, fear. And it was because of me.

I slammed the door behind me when I got into my room and ran a hand through my hair, trying to steady my breathing. I needed to focus. The letter. Right, the letter. That was what I had been doing before everything went to hell.

I sat down, gripping the pen a little too tightly as I stared at the paper in front of me. The words weren't coming. My thoughts were all over the place. My mind kept replaying Ezra's face, those swollen, bloodshot eyes looking at me like I was just another monster. I cursed under my breath, squeezing my eyes shut, forcing myself to focus.

A knock at the door jolted me back to reality. My jaw clenched instantly. It had to be Elvis. Back to pick another fight? I wasn't in the mood. I stood up abruptly, my chair scraping against the floor, and stomped toward the door. Without thinking, I yanked it open hard.

Ezra flinched.

My breath caught in my throat. My whole body tensed at the sight of him. He was in his wheelchair, his face stained with tears, his lips trembling. My chest twisted in the worst way possible. "Ezra," I breathed out, my voice softer now, the anger from earlier vanishing instantly. "What….why are you here?"

"I…I wanted to see you." His voice was shaky, barely above a whisper.

I swallowed, guilt washing over me in waves. I reached down, gently lifting him from his wheelchair and carrying him into the room. He didn't resist, but I could feel how tense he was. It killed me. I set him down on the bed carefully, kneeling in front of him so I could look him in the eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked, searching his face for any sign of discomfort.

Ezra sniffled, rubbing at his eyes. "I'm not hurt," he mumbled. "I…" He took a deep breath before finally looking at me. "You don't have to explain anything. Elvis already told me everything."

I froze. My heartbeat stuttered. "What?"

"I know about the woman," he whispered. "I know she's barely alive. I know she's Elvis' wife, that she's pregnant, and Lucius took her hostage to get to you. And I know that you ran away with me instead of saving her."

I sucked in a sharp breath. My throat felt tight, like someone had their hands wrapped around it. "Ezra…"

"And I know why you didn't tell me," he continued, his voice shaking. "Because you thought I'd hate you for it. Because you thought I'd think you were using me as bait. And Malachai…" His voice cracked, and he wiped at his tears again. "I did. I really thought that. And I was wrong."

I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I clenched my fists, forcing myself to breathe. "Ezra, I…"

"I'm sorry," he cut me off, shaking his head. "I should've trusted you. I should've let you explain before assuming the worst." His lower lip trembled, and he looked away. "I just… I was scared."

God. I reached out, cupping his face, forcing him to look at me again. "Ezra," I murmured. "I get it. You have every right to be scared. I've given you every reason to be. But I swear to you, I would never use you like that. I would rather die before I let anything happen to you."

His eyes welled up again, but this time, instead of pulling away, he leaned into my touch.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" he asked, his voice barely audible.

I nodded immediately. "Of course."

He hesitated, then shifted closer to me, his small fingers curling into the fabric of my shirt. "Malachai…"

I hummed in response, already pulling him into my lap, cradling him against my chest.

His breath was warm against my neck as he whispered, "Make love to me."

I stiffened slightly, my heart pounding in my chest. I pulled back just enough to see his face. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes filled with something desperate, something pleading.

I swallowed hard, brushing his hair out of his face. "Ezra, you're exhausted. You need to rest."

He shook his head. "I need you."

I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly "Ezra your knees.." I breathed out. I wanted him. But not like this. Not when he was still so fragile, still dealing with everything. I pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Tomorrow," I whispered. "I promise."

Ezra's face softened, and after a few seconds, he nodded. "Okay and…. my knees are numb now I can't feel them anymore…and….I have never felt the pleasure in sex so…" he said nuzzling his head on my chest shly.

I pulled him closer, tucking him against my chest as I laid us down on the bed. His fingers gripped onto my shirt as he buried his face into my neck.

"I love you, Malachai," he whispered.

My heart clenched so tightly it hurt. I held him tighter, pressing a lingering kiss to his temple.

"I love you too, Ezra," I murmured. "More than anything."