Ordinary Day

Ben looked around his room, a modest space adorned with white walls embellished with cheerful yellow patterns. While these colors weren't his top picks, they still created a pleasant atmosphere.

To the right of his bed, a desk sat a short distance away, cluttered with books and various items typical of a study area. The fan he owned was notorious for its chilly breeze, capable of giving him a cold even during the warmest summer days. With winter approaching, he knew he would need to bid farewell to it for a while.

Rising from his bed, Ben glanced at the clock—it was 6 AM. There was no chance of sleeping in today; it was Monday, and he needed to prepare for school.

He opened his eyes wide, wishing to shake off the remnants of sleep, but it lingered stubbornly.

You might wonder why he felt so drowsy. The reason was simple: Ben had spent the previous night engrossed in vlogs and fan-created YouTube videos about his favorite ship from a recently wrapped gay reality dating show.

Unapologetically aware of his truth, he yearned to immerse himself in the kind of love he had never known.

There was no hiding his sexuality; it was an open secret. His immediate family was aware, as were his extended relatives, and even his entire school. At the tender age of thirteen, just before starting at this boarding school, he had come out to his family. To his relief, they embraced him with unwavering support and protection.

This familial concern is what led them to insist that he live in the apartment not designated for students. His grandparents owned the school and had constructed a cozy two-bedroom bungalow for their visits to oversee the institution.

They preferred Ben to reside here rather than in the boys' dormitory. He wasn't entirely sure why, but he assumed it was their way of being overly cautious since he had come out at such a young age. The thought of exploring other possibilities didn't interest him.

After gathering the books he needed for the day, Ben headed to the bathroom to freshen up. He dressed in his school uniform—a crisp white long-sleeve shirt paired with black trousers—and stepped outside. Even though he lived in the apartment, he was still expected to follow the school's regulations, which included having all meals in the Food Hall.

Collins High was a co-ed boarding school for both boys and girls that had been established for many years. Because it catered to both genders, the school enforced strict rules that all students had to follow. The boys' and girls' dormitories were located far apart, but that didn't mean they were prohibited from interacting; they just had to avoid any questionable behavior.

Despite the rules, the students still found ways to break them.

Ben arrived at the Food Hall at 6:45 AM, as indicated by his watch. The hall was already buzzing with students who were quietly complaining and chatting among themselves. The food was scheduled to be served at 7 AM and would be available for an hour and a half before the school bell rang. When the food was finally delivered, Ben calmly grabbed his plate and utensils and joined the line.

He didn't join in the complaining, not because he was particularly obedient, but simply because he had no one to share his thoughts with.

Shawn, the food prefect, oversaw the serving and eating of the meals. Students in the 11th and 12th grades held various positions, including Head Boy and Girl, Punctuality Prefect, Food Prefect, Social Prefect, and Neat Prefect. The school encouraged students to help enforce the rules and regulations. While there were adult authorities present, they were mainly there to deal with punishments if the prefects' instructions were not followed.

Ben sat at a table surrounded by a few other students who barely acknowledged his presence. He quietly enjoyed his breakfast before making his way to class.

At Collins High, there was an unspoken expectation that the friend groups formed in 7th and 8th grades would last until graduation. This meant there were various cliques, consisting of both girls and boys.

It wasn't that Ben was unwilling to engage with others; he simply struggled to initiate conversations and maintain friendships. His situation was compounded by the fact that he didn't live in the dorms, which left him out of the loop during discussions about dorm life.

His first friend group emerged during 7th grade, but they eventually grew frustrated with his quiet demeanor and his frequent confusion about their conversations. Over time, he found himself increasingly isolated from their chats and outings, leading to the dissolution of that friendship.

In 8th grade, Ben tried to avoid repeating his past mistakes. He made an effort to contribute to discussions when he was hanging out with his second friend group. However, he ended up having a falling out with a girl named Bailey.

Bailey and Ben found themselves drawn to the same senior, igniting a crush that stirred the dynamics of their friendship. In their school, homophobia wasn't an issue, so the situation didn't create too much of a stir. However, when the senior began to show interest in Ben, Bailey's jealousy flared. She grew distant and successfully persuaded their peers to follow suit.

Ben understood that none of this was his doing, but it would have felt like a different story if the senior had reciprocated his feelings. Instead, the senior had eyes for Ben's cousin and asked him to put in a good word. As a result, Ben lost his second circle of friends.

Rather than searching for a new group, Ben decided he was better off on his own. He resolved to make a friend, but this time, without the confines of a group—just him and one other person.

That was four years ago, and still, Ben found himself without a friend.

As he settled into his seat, which was meant for two, he couldn't help but notice he was all alone. With an odd number of students in the class, he was left without a partner. Whether this was mere coincidence or fate, he couldn't say, but it was his reality.

He let out a silent sigh as the teacher entered, signaling the start of another class.

«»«»«»«»«»«»«»

As Ben lay in bed, ready to drift off to sleep, a mix of happiness and sadness washed over him. He had just returned from the reading hall, where students gathered to read at night, an optional activity that he had chosen to partake in.

Ben felt a wave of sadness wash over him as he realized today was just another predictable day in his life. Wake up, have breakfast, attend class, grab lunch, scroll through his phone, enjoy dinner, read a book at night, and finally drift off to sleep.

Yet, amidst the monotony, there was a silver lining: he was one day closer to graduation. College was on the horizon, and with it, he hoped for a fresh opportunity at love.

Two years ago, his first attempt at a relationship had ended in disappointment. He had developed a liking for seniors, and it was one of them who approached him without any prior awareness on his part. He hadn't even known the boy existed until that moment.

Jay confessed his feelings to Ben, sharing that he had harbored a crush on him for quite some time. Caught off guard but delighted by the attention, Ben suggested they take things slow to see if they could make it work.

Jay was charming and kind, and gradually, Ben found himself developing feelings for him. Initially, he felt the gaze of other students upon them during their hangouts, but he chose to ignore it.

As he lay on his side in bed, memories of that day flooded back. Eager to see Jay, he made his way to the boy's dorm. Lucky for him, he encountered the dorm head, who informed him that Jay was in the garden.

When Ben arrived, he spotted Jay with a girl who was perched on his lap, wrapped in his embrace, as she listened intently to the sweet words Jay was whispering into her ear.

Ben stood there, completely still, his gaze fixed on the two of them. The moment Jay's eyes locked onto his, he quickly turned away and dashed back to his room. Later, Ben learned that Jay was in a relationship with a girl named Mabel, and they were experiencing some difficulties. Jay approached Ben to apologize, explaining that his intention was merely to provoke Mabel's jealousy.

That day, Ben recalled staring at himself in the mirror, whispering, "You really thought he liked you, didn't you?" He averted his gaze quickly, not wanting to confront the tears welling up in his eyes.

From that point on, he started paying closer attention to the dating rumors circulating throughout the school. If he had been more observant, he would have realized that Jay was already taken.

Ben rose from his seat, surveying his room. Sleep eluded him, so he opted to watch YouTube videos instead. He longed to escape into their world, feeling the weight of his own cold loneliness.

Today was just another ordinary day.