Chapter 13 – Between Wanting and Denial

Sarah woke up with a dull ache in her chest, the kind that came from a restless night of overthinking. The weight of what had happened between her and Ethan pressed down on her like an invisible force, making it impossible to breathe freely.

She had kissed him.

And worse—she had wanted to.

The memory played over and over in her mind, the way his lips felt against hers, the warmth of his hands resting against her skin. It had been so easy to get lost in the moment, to forget the walls she had spent years building around herself.

But reality was quick to return.

She wasn't supposed to let this happen. Ethan was off-limits, a line she should have never crossed.

Sarah groaned and buried her face into the pillow, willing the thoughts away. But deep down, she knew the truth. She could lie to herself all she wanted, but she couldn't erase what had already begun between them.

---

Avoiding the Inevitable

Determined to push the previous night aside, Sarah forced herself into her usual routine. She showered, dressed in a comfortable T-shirt and jeans, and tied her hair up in a loose ponytail. The plan was simple—act normal and pretend nothing had changed.

But the moment she stepped out of her room and into the hallway, she felt it.

The shift.

The air between them wasn't the same.

Ethan was standing in the kitchen, his back turned to her as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He was wearing gray sweatpants and a fitted black T-shirt, his hair still damp from a shower.

She hesitated for a second before walking in, keeping her movements casual.

"Morning," she said, reaching for a mug.

Ethan turned, his eyes meeting hers. There was something unreadable in his gaze, something that made her stomach tighten.

"Morning." His voice was smooth, but there was an edge to it.

Sarah took a sip of her coffee, hoping the warmth would steady her nerves. "You're up early."

"Didn't sleep much." He leaned against the counter, watching her.

She knew exactly why.

Silence stretched between them, thick with unsaid words.

Finally, Ethan sighed. "Are we going to talk about it?"

Sarah placed her cup down a little too hard, the sound sharp in the quiet kitchen. "Talk about what?"

Ethan arched an eyebrow. "You know what."

She shook her head, forcing a tight smile. "There's nothing to talk about."

He let out a humorless chuckle. "That's your answer? After everything?"

Her chest tightened. "Ethan, it was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened."

The moment the words left her lips, she regretted them.

His expression darkened, jaw tightening. "A mistake?"

"Yes." She hated how unsteady her voice sounded. "It was a moment of weakness. That's all."

Ethan pushed away from the counter, stepping closer. "Funny. It didn't feel like a mistake when you kissed me back."

Sarah swallowed hard. "It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me." His voice was firm but not angry. Just… disappointed. "Tell me you didn't feel something. Look me in the eye and say it meant nothing."

Her fingers curled around the counter behind her, gripping it for support. "Ethan…"

He stepped even closer, his presence overwhelming. "Say it, Sarah."

She opened her mouth, but the words wouldn't come. Because she couldn't say it.

Ethan exhaled sharply. "That's what I thought."

She turned away, gripping the edge of the sink. "It doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything."

"No, it doesn't," she snapped, spinning back to face him. "Because I can't do this. I can't risk—" She stopped herself, biting her lip.

Ethan's gaze softened. "Risk what?"

Her throat tightened. "Losing myself in something I don't know how to handle."

Silence.

Then, softer, he asked, "And what if it's worth it?"

Her heart pounded. "What if it's not?"

Ethan held her gaze. "That's not fear talking, Sarah. That's you trying to run."

---

Trying to Escape the Inevitable

The rest of the day was unbearable.

Sarah spent most of it outside, finding excuses to stay busy. She scrubbed the patio, reorganized the storage shed, even trimmed the hedges—anything to keep her hands occupied and her mind distracted.

But nothing worked.

Her thoughts kept drifting back to Ethan—to the way he looked at her, the way he made her feel like she was on the edge of something dangerous and exciting all at once.

By evening, she knew she couldn't avoid him forever.

When she stepped inside, Ethan was sitting in the living room, flipping through a book. He glanced up when he saw her, his expression unreadable.

She took a deep breath and walked over, sitting down across from him.

"I don't know how to do this," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

Ethan set the book down. "Then let's figure it out together."

Her fingers twisted in her lap. "I don't want to lose control."

"You won't." His voice was steady, reassuring. "I won't let you."

A lump formed in her throat. "Why me?"

Ethan didn't hesitate. "Because you're the first person who's ever made me want something real."

Her breath caught.

They sat there for a long moment, the world outside fading into the background.

Then, slowly, Ethan reached for her hand.

She didn't pull away.

Instead, she let him intertwine their fingers, let herself feel the warmth of his touch.

And for the first time in a long time, she stopped running.