Road to a hero: Three chances in another world. Chapter 26: Conner Kyojin

Arc 3: Choosing Reality by Embracing Life

Gray, no, Conner Kyojin sat in his chair staring off in a daze. There were voices in his ear, things he was supposed to pay attention to, but all he could do was stare off. Like something within him, so strange and foreign, was longing for something.

Mom: "I made dinner, come on!"

That voice broke through the hazy static and brought him back into the dream. Screaming out with a dead look on his face.

Conner: "Alright I'm coming."

He quickly got up and stepped out of his room, seeing his mother standing in the middle of the hall. That was a sight that almost made him fall to his knees. Wanting to run into her arms, wanting to tell her all about something, and talk about the constant bleeding image of a lost love.

Mom: "Are you alright?"

He shook his face, really smiling instead. Smiling for the first time in a long time.

Conner: "What did ya make!?"

Conner ran into the kitchen, sliding into his chair. His muscular father almost dropped his phone in surprise.

Dad: "I'm surprised you came out for dinner. It's been a bit."

With those words his heart surged with pain, his chest tightening, but he found the strength to push past it. Surprising even himself to just where he got that willpower from.

Mom: "Breakfast for dinner, you have school tomorrow so I figured I would end your break with an easy meal."

Again, school. School school school, causing his heart and chest to lock up even more. Everything he felt like he had forgotten, everything he thought he never had to worry about again was all being slammed against him. Which was odd since, to Conner at least, he was just about finished with his weekend after going to school last Friday.

Conner: "Cool! Alright, can I eat in my room?"

That was something his parents were far more used to hearing. They looked toward each other for a moment, Conner's mother Lily stepping up. The confident side of their relationship.

Lilly: "Would it help you focus on something else if we watched TV instead?"

Watch TV, another foreign concept he instantly wanted to jump onto, standing up with his plate.

Conner: "Um..."

He would always rather go away. He didn't want to waste their time, his own time. He couldn't eat if he felt sick he couldn't sleep if he had worry he couldn't he couldn't he -

Conner: "Sure!"

He had built up the internal power to step forward, to complete the little things. But just why was still so confusing, causing his head to ache with pain.

Dad: "Okay! I'll sit down on the couch, I'll bring everyone their food!"

His dad William, the far less confident but far more boastful one, leapt up with a superhero-like voice. As they chuckle they move over and sit down. While Conner sits down on the couch, William turns on the TV. Yet Conner didn't eat, just staring down at his food in a daze.

Conner {Weird, why did I change my mind? It feels like I haven't seen my Mom and Dad in forever, oh well won't hurt to eat with them.}

But why was he sweating? Why did he feel bad, not the normal bad he was used to, but remorseful? Like he had made a horrible mistake, one he could never take back.

Dad: "So, how are you doing at school?"

Conner: "I have the same answer every time you ask me this."

Conner instantly answered without a second thought, getting a grim look on his face after hearing his own words.

Lilly: "Don't be a pain, we just wanna know what you're doing."

Conner: "I don't do much, just the normal grunt work, nothing else."

William: "What about a job? So you can start working towards a car. Girls love cars!"

His mother couldn't help but sigh at William, but it only made Conner's chest lock up more and more. Falling further and further. Still looking toward the faint image, the golden light, the love he couldn't see.

Conner: "Been looking, haven't found anything."

Mom: "You hardly look, I can help you look sometime this week."

Conner: "Na I'm good."

Dad: "Man you gotta start trying to figure out what you wanna do, you can't do nothing forever no matter how good that sounds."

While they were just trying their best to set him on the right track Conner could only ask himself, why was he sitting here?

Conner {If only I remembered why I don't eat with them.}

Conner stood up and sat his plate down, moving back toward his room with his hands in his pockets and his eyes staring dead forward.

Conner: "Okay I finished my food, I'm going back to my room."

Mom: "Alright, don't stay up late, it's a school night!"

Conner: "Yeah, Yeah I know."

Conner walks to the bathroom to wash his hands. Then, when he looks in the mirror he sees something very strange. He sees somebody wearing the same clothes, has the same face, and has the same eyes. But this young man has a stronger-looking body, he's missing his glasses, his hair is longer, and then the most important detail, he looked happy. With faint lights surrounding him.

Conner: "WHAT THE HELL!?"

Conner falls backward, surprised by who he saw in the mirror. Looking up to see nothing, flinching in fear when his Dad rushed into the room.

William: "YOU OKAY!?"

Conner: "YEAH I'M GOOD!"

He held his chest for a second, the image of that man burned into his soul.

Conner {Gotta get my prescription changed or something.}

He was trying so hard to push it away, but he could only feel one emotion. A raging anger born from jealousy and envy, like the mirror had just spat in his face. Conner walks back to his room, he tells his friends he's going to sleep, then lays on his bed, trying to scroll on his phone.

Conner: 'What's my password?"

He just couldn't understand why his mind was blanking. Still, instead of just staring at his phone until he goes to school, he really felt tired.

Conner: "Whatever I'll do tomorrow. I should at least try and fall asleep while I can."

As he drifts off to sleep he sees them. A young friend, a tall brother, a little sister, and then the brightest light of all. Golden, smiling, and sending calming waves over Conner's heart, he trembled. He screams and screams and rejects it all. He tries to run to them, but the road he's running on just seems to get longer and longer, unable to hear, speak or feel, he's like a ghost flying away from lost souls. Running and running and sweating and yelling, pain and pain gushing through him.

Conner {What is this!? What is this!? What is this!? What -

He went on and on and on, hearing the screams of those he failed to save, feeling the harsh braking pain from his hard work, his heart almost collapsing from the built up fear and panic. But when he looked back the golden light was still shining bright, slamming into a gray jacket while he was distracted.

Gray: "Come on yah idiot, time is running out."

His eyes could have unraveled from how much they widened. Yet, when Conner hears a ringing noise, he lunges awake in a panic.

Conner: "AAH!"

He looks over, seeing his phone's alarm going off for school. Conner slaps his cheeks to calm himself before quickly getting ready. Stepping past his mirror. Then, standing in the steaming hot shower, he lets the water hit his skin. After a while he walks toward the front door to meet his mom.

Conner {Just gotta make it through the week, just one. That'll be enough. I can do it. I can make it to the weekend so I can calm down. I'll be able to sleep in a few hours.}

Walking through the thick fog of life he met his mom at the door. She hands him the backpack he forgot and leads him to the car, getting in on the passenger side.

Mom: "You wanna drive yourself?"

Conner: "If you want me to freak and kill us both in a car accident."

Mom: "What if, if you don't you'll miss school!"

Conner: "I'm cool with not going."

Mom: "I'm gonna take away all your electronics."

Conner: "Y'know for once that isn't a problem."

But he could see how hard his mom was trying, breaking down his heart. So, again surprising himself, he welled up the courage to finally nod his head. His mom surprisingly got up and moved, letting Conner into the driver's seat. As they go he could only focus on everything he couldn't; What was wrong, why was he having these dreams, why does it feel like everything is flat, why is it all like a loop, why is it to familiar -

Conner {Why am I so filled with energy?}

Mom: "See you're doing good."

Conner: "Yeah whatever."

Conner looks in the mirror seeing the same reflection he saw yesterday, scaring him for just a second. Though he remains focused on the road.

Mom: "You okay? You seem more stressed than usual, but not in the usual sad way. Kinda like you're mourning something."

That caused another surge of pure panic, fear, and rejection. One that was stronger than anything he had, no, that was a lie. It was something he was all too familiar with. A constant, agonizing, constant struggle that has been with him ever since he truly opened his eyes as just a young child. Something that he hasn't been used to for a while.

Conner: "I'm fine, just feels like forever since I've been to school, same with driving."

Lilly: "You're doing good, and you know where you're going. I'll say you're also more focused."

He felt disgust in his mouth from the lies flowing into his ears. Conner arrives at his school's parking lot and quickly tries to get out of the car, the sight of the imposing building, the many people, all so much. But he stood up like it was nothing, even with the feeling in his heart. When he did he felt a hand tugging his own, looking over to his mom.

Mom: "I'm proud of you y'know. Now be safe."

He smiles and walks away, again feeling the disgust.

Conner {Alright calm down, focus breath, focus. Don't breathe too much don't walk too weird don't do anything don't don't don't}

He went to grab his chest in pain, realizing just how hard this was going to be.

Conner {Dammit.}

Conner makes it to his first class, sitting by himself away from his friend to lay his head down. Then he would stand and move, asleep. Over and over, doing nothing, thinking nothing, trying to push everything away. Conner's eyes go blank, his happy expression sinking into itself. Avoiding every reflection, person, word, noise. Avoiding the vestiges following him through his dreams, the formless lights that gave him so many emotions. The same thing happens throughout the day. The same thing he does every single school day. The same thing he does every single day. The same thing he will do until he finally builds up the courage to do something about it, or give up for everybody's sake again. That's what he would tell himself at least.

He gets out of school and walks to his mom's car.

Mom: "Did you have a good day at school?"

Conner: "Just as good as any other day."

The decrease in his energy and expression was all too easy to read, causing his moms face to fall.

Mom: "Oh."

Conner gets home, then he prepares to take a nap, resetting his energy. Saying nothing to his dad, his mom, never checking his phone or computer, never even taking his clothes off. Only tossing his glasses onto his table and landing face first in his bed.

Conner {It was weird, I didn't actually learn anything, I don't know why we were just going over the material I already learned.}

He hears his phone start to ring so he rudely answers the call only to hear a loud familiar sounding voice.

Conner: "Hello!?"

"WAKE UP YAH IDIOT!!"

Conner hangs up the phone in annoyance, puts it on silent, then goes to take his nap.

Conner {Four more days till the week....ends…}

Connor repeats the same actions all week, sleeping and sleeping, doing nothing. Only dreaming and dreaming of a false, unrecognizable, deconstructed world. Feeling the warmth a family he's never known is giving him. And still feeling the aching scars the loss of his parents left him on, even though they were right beside him. His dad was screaming in his ear as he lost himself in thought on the couch.

Dad: "HEY CONNER CAN YOU GRAB US A TWO-LITER FROM THE STORE! AND POPCORN!"

Conner sat up with a dead look in his eye, nodding before walking toward the door. Conner zips up his jacket then walks out of his house, heading toward the covenant store.

Conner {Bleh…at least I'm getting some exercise.}

He walks and walks for what feels like forever. The rain slowly falls, building up to a gushing flooding pour. It only made him feel more relaxed, losing himself to his daydreams. His fear.

Conner {I can't...I can't do it! I can't keep going, I can't keep moving, I'm just wasting their time. I just keep being rude I keep sleeping I, I -

He stood on the sidewalk, biting his lip so hard it bled in his rage.

Conner {Why can't I just do the things I'm supposed to do without it hurting so much. Why don't I want to do it.}

He felt tears swelling, the panic and pain in his chest rising more and more. So he tried to distract himself, looking around with a bit of confusion while wiping the tears from his eyes.

Conner {Kinda feels like I've done this before, walking in the rain, going to the store, in the same clothes as I'm wearing right now. But I can't remember if I did it or not.}

With the store in sight, the winds rushing, the flooding water rushing down the streets, he stops. Everything stops. Like he couldn't walk or think or speak, he couldn't act. He just had to stand, he had to give up. He had nothing but himself and he hated that, he needed to end that. He needed to free himself from himself, but just couldn't muster the courage.

Conner {You're so weak that you wanna die but you're so weak you can't do it yourself.}

But then, with what feels like an angel's blessing, he hears tires screeching on the ground. Conner turns his head to see a Semi-truck out of control from the rain, unable to break or keep any traction. Honking its horn, screaming, unable to see at all. With that Conner's mind goes blank, and nothing mattered anymore.

He didn't have to worry about disappointing his parents, he didn't have to worry about failing school, he didn't have to worry about his lack of a future or passion or willpower. He could be free from Conner Kyojin; He starts taking steps toward the truck with a small shaking smile on his face. Not understanding the choice he's making. To Conner Kyojin, he was just a failure. One of many hundreds of thousands of millions of people who did the same. He was not special, he was not important in any way, he was only a burden. A villain who wished to be a hero so dearly. A boy who wanted to be something so badly. But before he could step away from all of that, like the biggest spit in his face yet, the rain suddenly stopped freezing in place. The truck, the rushing water, the clouds, all stopped.

Conner: "What the fuck."

Everything that Conner could see was just, paused. . Conner fell to the ground, unable to believe the reality in front of him. But when he heard a familiar voice again he stood up in a panic. Conner turns his head to see the man in the mirror, the altered version of himself. Almost like he's the better version, stronger, happy, and overall just better looking. The Conner Kyojin he wishes he could be.

Conner: "Who the hell are you!?"

Conner Kyojin was the start, the unmovable and changeable point in Conner, no, Conner Gray Kyojins long road to being better. To learn how to keep going. All of that progress stood in front of him, smiling.

Gray: "Names Gray Kyojin, and I'm here to talk to ask you if you'd like to keep going. If you'd like a Third Chance at life in Another World at least."