Chapter 1: Welcome to the Glitchverse
Max Miller woke up to a pounding headache and a searing blue light flashing in his face. His body felt like it had been run over by a truck, microwaved for two minutes, and then dumped into a frozen lake for good measure.
"Ugh… Did I pass out in the break room again?" he groaned, rubbing his temples.
A robotic voice chimed in his head.
[SYSTEM INITIALIZING… ERROR. SYSTEM IS BUGGED. INSTALLATION INCOMPLETE.]
Max blinked. "What."
A screen of glowing text appeared in front of him, hovering in midair like something out of a video game.
[Congratulations, User! You have been chosen to be the host of the Multiversal System! Please enjoy your new life of interdimensional adventure!]
Max squinted at the screen. "Okay… I feel like I should be more concerned about this."
[Processing concern… ERROR. EMOTIONAL STABILITY MODULE NOT FOUND.]
"Oh, that's comforting," Max muttered, finally pushing himself off the cold metal floor. He took a proper look around.
He wasn't in his crappy apartment anymore.
The room was metallic and sterile, dimly lit by blue panels running along the walls. Floating holographic displays showed streams of text in a language he didn't recognize. The air had a weirdly artificial quality to it, like he was breathing inside a refrigerator.
This was definitely not Earth.
[Would you like to view your abilities? Warning: Due to a corrupted installation, abilities may be unstable.]
Max hesitated. "Define 'unstable.'"
[They may or may not explode.]
"…Good to know."
He took a slow, deep breath. So. To summarize:
1. He had no idea how he got here.
2. A disembodied voice in his head was talking to him.
3. He apparently had powers, but they might be hazardous to his health.
"Alright, System. Give me something useful."
[Activating First Skill: RANDOM POWER GENERATION… ERROR. SYSTEM BUG DETECTED.]
Max's body tingled with a sudden surge of energy. A bright light flashed in his hands.
A ripe yellow banana materialized out of thin air.
Max stared at it. "…You've gotta be kidding me."
The System beeped cheerfully.
[You have acquired: THE ABILITY TO SUMMON BANANAS.]
Max slowly turned the banana over in his hands, inspecting it for… he didn't know. Explosives? Hidden lasers? A secret manual explaining why the universe was punishing him like this?
It looked and felt like a completely normal banana.
He sighed. "Of all the superpowers in existence, I get fruit summoning?"
[Correct! But do not underestimate the power of bananas!]
"Oh yeah? And what exactly can this do?"
[Processing… ERROR. SYSTEM DOES NOT KNOW.]
"…Great."
Before he could throw the banana at the floor out of frustration, a blaring alarm suddenly echoed through the room.
[WARNING: HOSTILE LIFE FORMS APPROACHING.]
Max jumped. "Wait, what? Hostile what?"
[Hostile life forms. You know, creatures that intend to hurt you. Also known as enemies. Also known as 'oh no, I'm going to die' situations.]
"Fantastic. And where exactly am I?"
[You are aboard the 'SS Quantum Disaster,' a stolen ship belonging to the Galactic Federation.]
Max froze. "Did you just say Disaster?"
[Yes.]
"…And when you say stolen—"
[Records show that the previous owner was vaporized in an unfortunate antimatter accident.]
Max pinched the bridge of his nose. "Of course he was."
The metallic doors at the far end of the room hissed open. Heavy footsteps echoed as a group of armed figures stepped inside.
Max's brain short-circuited.
They were aliens. Actual freaking aliens.
Their skin was slick and green, with bioluminescent veins pulsing along their elongated limbs. Their heads were bulbous, with multiple glowing red eyes. One of them had an extra set of arms, which was just showing off, really.
The lead alien, who was at least seven feet tall, pointed what looked like a plasma rifle at Max's face.
"Who are you, and why are you on our ship?" the alien demanded, his voice a deep, guttural growl.
Max swallowed. "Uh. I think there's been a misunderstanding. See, I just got here, and—"
The alien cocked his weapon. "Trespassers are executed."
Max paled. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not be hasty here."
The System beeped.
[RECOMMENDED ACTION: RUN.]
"No kidding."
Max's eyes darted around the room, searching for an exit. No doors, no vents, no convenient escape pods.
Then, in pure desperation, he did the only thing he could think of.
He held up his banana.
The aliens stared.
"…Is that a banana?" one of them asked.
Max forced himself to nod. "Yes. But it's a very dangerous banana."
There was a long, awkward silence.
Then one of the aliens snorted. "Oh no. What's it gonna do? Give us a potassium overdose?"
The rest burst into laughter.
Max groaned. "I hate my life."
The System beeped again.
[ACTIVATING BANANA ATTACK MODE.]
"What?"
Before Max could react, the banana in his hand glowed.
A second later, it detonated like a grenade.
BOOM.
A shockwave of yellow energy erupted through the room. The aliens were blasted off their feet, crashing into the walls with yelps of pain. The leader groaned, twitching slightly as he lay sprawled on the floor, completely knocked out.
Max stood there in stunned silence.
His banana had just exploded.
The System chimed in smugly.
[See? Do not underestimate the power of bananas.]
Max slowly exhaled. "Okay. You know what? I'm not even gonna question it."
The last conscious alien groaned, barely able to lift his head. He looked at Max with sheer terror.
"You… you're a monster…"
Max grinned. "Damn right I am."
The alien passed out.
Max dusted himself off and sighed. "Well. That went better than expected."
The System beeped again.
[CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE DEFEATED YOUR FIRST ENEMIES USING THE POWER OF FRUIT. YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY A 'BANANA WARRIOR.']
Max groaned. "Please tell me that's not my class."
[It is.]
"…I hate this universe."
---
And that was how Max Miller's ridiculous journey across the multiverse began—with a stolen spaceship, a broken system, and the deadliest fruit known to mankind.
What could possibly go wrong?