Delusions of a Boy

In the present time, after Rhane had left Jenna's room, he strolled mindlessly outside the mansion. He could still see the hate in Jenna's eyes every time she looked at him; it was different. How she looked at him fifteen years ago, when he became her servant, and now. It reminded Rhane that no matter how much wealth he'd acquired, he was still a dirty lowborn, not clean enough to have Jenna, as he was born out of wedlock.

Crumpling the letter he received that day in the sea, the parchment had faded and the letters had become weak. Yet Rhane still knew by heart every word on it. It was those words that kept his heart warm even in the toughest situations. Even when he was about to lose his mind, he'd remember that face and that name. She saved him.

That very day, Rhane returned after his ordeals and found that Jenna was getting married to Gerald, he'd wanted to fight, ruin everything, but he couldn't risk it anymore. He knew he had to know his place. In exchange for letting go and leaving everything behind, he got his name and sister's name under the family seal. Now they were protected and wouldn't be seen as outcasts or stamped as slaves since nobody claimed them.

Rhane could have taken his sister and run as far as possible without a name, so they could live as rogues, but something in him still wanted to be around Jenna. The protective instinct of that day, he wanted to watch her.

Fifteen years ago, it was an urge to protect a fragile child. An innocent curiosity to be in the presence of a noble so soft and little.

Now, Rhane knew it wasn't that anymore. He was yearning for her, yearning to be seen by her. That even when Jenna had started lusting over him, Rhane had the opportunity to take her, but it wasn't what he wanted.

He wanted to take things slow. He had waited for years; he could still wait for more until the promise was fulfilled, to make Jenna his own, his wife.

Getting to a tree that faced one of the rooms in the house, Rhane moved his legs swiftly and with ease until he was sitting on a branch. He watched in silence, Jenna's room that was dimly lit. She wasn't alone; she had her servant Percy, with her now.

Looking Jenna, Rhane had a memory of one of the many times Gerald came to his tavern while it was still growing. And the only words he said were how Jenna performed in bed. He insulted her in many ways, humiliated her, and even went as far as using her for gambling. It wrenched Rhane's heart, but whisking a married woman away from her home never ends well, especially when the wife in question belonged to his brother.

So Rhane waited in the shadow, silently. He refused to show himself as Gerald's brother, didn't want Jenna to associate him with the idiot. When the time came, Rhane took it and walked into Jenna's life.

Just as she was as a girl, filled with kindness, little instinct when it comes to survival, she was still the same then and now. And things were going well, until now.

"Hey, brother," Kali chimed from below the tree. She tried to smile, but her eyes remained dull. "I knew I'd find you here."

Moving her feet on the bark of the tree, Kali reached for a branch, then climbed comfortably on the tree.

"I heard she's screaming to be let go," Kali said, sitting beside her brother. She glanced at her brother's hand; he was holding something. A parchment. She's never understood why he wouldn't let it go.

Kali twitched her lips, "She believes you're no different from Gerald." Without a reply from her brother, she continued. "I don't blame her. Gerald is the lowest scum on earth, and I wouldn't want myself to be associated with him either."

Rhane rubbed his forehead tiredly. He had never wanted to kill someone so badly like he did for Gerald.

"Rhane, this is why I asked you to send her away. She doesn't belong here... with people like us," Kali began, her voice shaking as she said it.

Rhane finally glanced at his sister. "People like us?" His head tilted.

Kali nodded. "We are too broken to have people like her... it's painful, but it's the reality. She'd never accept you, especially after what she has been through. She probably won't love again. And even if she does, what makes you think she'll accept you, knowing the kind of man you are and whose brother you are?"

The words hit Rhane's heart so deeply that they cut him. Kali wasn't far from right. In fact, he hated more than anything to accept that truth, a thought that churned his mind always: what if Jenna has never felt anything for him, and all he had was a delusion of a boy waiting for his first love to look at him?

"Damn it all," Rhane cursed, gripping the letter tightly.

Kali pressed her lips and nodded. "I think, brother, it's time for you to move on and let her go. Let's focus on our lives, get everything we need, and leave. You said you wanted to live in a quiet small cottage near a lake with mahogany trees, right? We can climb and fish the rest of our lives... happily, just the two of us."

The idea excited Rhane too, but without Jenna, he didn't see the happily in it. Since she was the muse for Rhane ever having such a dream.

"There are plenty of women who would gladly have you, if only you let them." Kali continued. "In no time, you'll forget her... Women speak your name with longing, you only need to look their way."

Rhane shifted his eyes from his sister and settled them on Jenna's room. And he imagined, for a moment, leaving her all alone. Her traveling during the nights, thieves attacking her, what would she do if he wasn't there?

"She hates me."

Kali nodded. "Exactly! Now we are on the same track."

"Not afraid of me," Rhane replied, smiling when Jenna started eating. From afar, he could see that she had relaxed a little.

"What?" Kali questioned. "It's worse that she hates you."

Rhane shook his head and smiled. "Hate is a strong feeling. You can be disgusted, irritated, or feel repelled. But hate..." his voice trailed.

"You can't hate someone you don't love. Only a thin thread between love and hate."

Kali palmed her face and groaned. "You have lost your mind, Rhane," she tutted.

Rhane dipped the letter back into his pocket, his eyes glinting with something only he could explain. He jumped down from the tree, and Kali followed.

"Where are you going to?" Kali asked worriedly.

Rhane rolled his sleeves. "Hunting," he replied with enthusiasm. He needed to clear his head.

Kali rolled her eyes. "Heaven help me but I never thought the day would come... you're utterly blinded by affection, brother." she scowled, turning her back. "Pray it's not too late when reality finds you." She walked away, shaking her head.

Rhane watched Jenna slipping into her bed, and he smiled. Jenna wasn't afraid of him. She had never been, compared to how scared and terrified she was of Gerald. She allowed him to see her softness, the part she hid from the world.

He might still hold the delusions of a boy, but that was something. A woman wasn't relaxed unless it's someone she could trust. And that means Jenna once trusted that she could be protected by Rhane.

"That's a start," Rhane muttered. He turned around in the dark of the night, whistling a happy melody as he entered the forest to hunt.