The Fear of Failure
The gym smelled of polished wood and faint traces of sweat — a familiar scent that, for most players, brought comfort. For Renji, it felt suffocating.
Today's practice match wasn't just another scrimmage — it was Renji's first time starting in a full six-on-six match. The court stretched before him like unfamiliar territory, the lines marking boundaries that suddenly felt too narrow, too confining. His legs trembled as he adjusted his kneepads.
"You alright?" Asuka's voice broke through the noise of teammates warming up.
Renji flinched, turning to see her standing by the scorer's table. She wasn't smiling this time — her eyes held concern.
"I'm fine," he lied.
She didn't look convinced. "Just... don't forget what we talked about. Trust yourself."
Renji nodded, but his fingers twitched restlessly at his sides. His heart hammered against his ribcage.
Trust myself... yeah... right.
---
First Serve — The Pressure Mounts
The whistle pierced the air, and the match began.
Misaki High's starting setter tossed the ball into the air, delivering a smooth jump float serve to the opposing side. Renji watched the spiker's approach — muscles tense, fingers twitching.
The Seiji Academy player shifted his shoulder slightly.
He's tipping...
Renji started forward, but hesitation stabbed at his thoughts.
Wait... what if it's a feint? What if—
The ball floated over the net — a delicate tip that fell exactly where Renji should have been. He lunged too late. The ball hit the floor.
"Renji!" Yuuto's voice rang out. "Move your feet!"
"Sorry..." Renji muttered.
I knew that shot was coming. Why didn't I move sooner?
---
Moments later, Yuuto leapt into a set and flicked the ball to the outside hitter. Misaki High's spiker drove the ball deep toward Seiji's libero. The dig soared high, setting up a sharp counterattack.
The spike came fast — too fast.
Renji reacted instinctively, diving low. His forearms caught the ball, but it skidded sideways and shot off course.
"Out!" the referee called.
"Renji!" Yuuto barked. "That's twice now!"
"I... I know," Renji stammered.
"You're playing scared!" Yuuto snapped, stepping closer. "You're second-guessing everything!"
"Back off, Yuuto," Asuka warned from the sideline.
Yuuto ignored her. "If you're gonna keep freezing like this, just—"
"That's enough," Coach cut in sharply. "Renji, stay focused. Yuuto, lead the team — not break them."
Yuuto clicked his tongue and turned away.
Renji stood frozen. He's right... I'm screwing this up...
---
A Spiral of Mistakes
As the match wore on, Renji's confidence crumbled. His feet felt heavy, and his thoughts swirled with self-doubt. Every time Seiji's spiker lined up for a shot, Renji's mind raced.
He's aiming left... no, right... or... maybe cross-court...
The indecision slowed him down. He lunged too early on some plays, too late on others. Every mistake weighed on him, dragging him deeper into his own mind.
By the second set, Seiji Academy had built a commanding lead.
"Renji!" Yuuto shouted again. "Wake up or sit out!"
Renji flinched. He knew Yuuto was frustrated — so was he — but those words cut deeper than he expected.
I don't belong out here... I never did...
---
Breaking Point — Renji's Lowest Moment
The final play of the set came fast. Seiji's ace, a towering third-year with an intimidating presence, approached for a powerful spike.
Renji locked onto the player's stance. He's swinging down the middle... I can get this...
The spiker's arm whipped forward — faster than expected.
No — down the line!
Renji's panic flared. Instinct screamed at him to dive — to throw himself in front of the shot.
Instead... his body froze.
The ball shot past him, slamming into the court just inches away from his outstretched fingers.
"Set over!" the referee called.
Renji stood motionless, his vision blurring.
"Renji..." Asuka's voice barely reached him.
I froze... I froze...
His breath hitched. The gym's noise faded as dread swallowed him whole.
---
Retreat to Isolation
Renji didn't even stay to hear Coach's post-game speech. As soon as practice ended, he slipped out of the gym, clutching his bag tightly.
He didn't know how far he walked — just that his legs carried him somewhere quiet. Eventually, he found himself at the empty park where he often practiced alone.
Dropping his bag beside him, Renji sank to his knees.
"I should quit," he whispered to himself. His voice shook. "I'm just dragging them down... dragging her down..."
His hand clenched around the volleyball. The cool leather pressed against his palm.
"I can't do this... I can't..."
---
Asuka's Support — A Glimmer of Hope
"Thought I'd find you here."
Renji's head jerked up. Asuka stood a few feet away, her expression softer than usual.
"You didn't have to follow me," Renji muttered.
"Yeah... I did."
She walked closer and knelt beside him. For a moment, neither of them spoke.
"I get it," Asuka finally said. "I know what it's like to feel like you're not enough."
Renji turned to her. "How could you know what that's like?"
Asuka let out a small laugh — but it wasn't cheerful. "You know my brother? The one who was a volleyball prodigy?"
Renji nodded.
"Well... when he got injured, I thought I could fill his shoes. I thought if I worked hard enough as a manager, I could make up for what he lost." She exhaled softly. "But... I'm not him. I can't fix what happened. And sometimes... I wonder if I'm helping the team at all."
"You're the reason they hold together," Renji said quietly.
"Then what makes you think you aren't part of that?" Asuka asked. "The team needs you, Renji. I need you."
Renji's heart pounded. "I... I don't know if I can keep up..."
"You don't have to be perfect," Asuka said. "You just have to trust yourself."
Renji swallowed hard. "What if I fail again?"
"Then you get back up," Asuka said firmly. "And this time, you won't be doing it alone."
For a long moment, Renji stared at her. Something in her eyes — calm, steady, warm — pushed back the weight in his chest.
"I'll... try," Renji whispered.
"You won't just try," Asuka smiled. "You'll do it."
---
The Next Step — Asking for Help
The next morning, Renji arrived at the gym early — far earlier than anyone else. The faint morning chill clung to the air.
Yuuto was already there, running drills alone.
Renji hesitated, then stepped forward. "Yuuto!"
Yuuto turned, frowning. "What?"
"I... I know I messed up," Renji said quickly. "But I want to get better. And... I need your help."
Yuuto's expression remained hard for a moment. Then, to Renji's surprise, his rival smirked.
"About time," Yuuto muttered. "Get ready — I'm not going easy on you."
Renji felt a flicker of something strange — hope.
---
End of Chapter 5
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To Be Continue